I'm 27, been married 8 years...My H has cheated on me 3 times (that I know of). He has admitted to everyone, and they all almost lead to divorse. Each time we decided to work though it. He blaims his going astray to us marrying so young (age 19). He says that it's not me, that I am a great person, and he doesn't deserve me. I thought everything was going ok...except he went out Saturday night...and has been weird since. I still don't trust him, so I checked his email...sure enough he has been talking to one of our friends about weird topics...I'm not sure if they actually did anything physical, but their conversations definitely suggest that something happened. I confronted him last night, and he said that nothing happened, but he isn't happy. He said that he can't keep living with himself, and he feels terrible for the affairs in the past. He said that he loves me, and doesn't want to hurt me. He said that he should want to come home from work, he should want to go on walks with me, he should want to go out with me...but he doesn't. He asked me why I am still with him...and said that he doesn't think he provides anything emotional to me...in someways I agree, bc he can be sometimes harsh and difficult. I just don't know what to do...he said that he is going to talk to a counselor...and see what they say. He is still talking via email to the other girl, and he doesn't know that I know...is that terrible, because everytime I read another email I just get even more freaked out by something that was said (ex. last one said "want to move away?") I feel awful for checking it behind his back but I've been burnt before, and I just don't want something like this behind my back. I don't want to be a fool, but I love him. What to do??

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It sounds like he is having an affair, and that is why he isn't happy being married.

I suggest that the two of you go to marriage counseling. It sounds like he deals with stress and problems by cheating.

Ditto on believer's post. Confront him and seek MC. Married young or not...he made the same vows you did.
I will keep you in my prayers,
holiday

You should read as much as you can about the principles of this site - which are the foundations for a strong marriage. You can't help but learn good stuff here.

And there are plenty of wise people here who will offer you good advice if you stick around and keep posting.

I've asked him to go to MC...he won't...he said he has an issue, and needs to figure it out on his own. I just confronted him Monday, and he said that he is going to find a counselor...but he hasn't as far as I know...and he is still talking to the OW via email...I'm starting a new job on Monday, and don't want to jeapordize that by crying everyday...I feel like if I confront him again, he will leave and I will be a wreck and not able to start the new job. I couldn't even go to the dentist without crying. I feel like I've vested so much into this marriage, he obviously has problems, but doesn't really seem to address them. I'm trying to just be the nice wife (plan A)...but do I really want a man who has cheated 5 times in an 8 year marriage. Is there anyone who has a good marriage out there, or who doesn't have a man who strays...is there such thing??

Yes, there is such a thing as a good marriage. But I don't know of a single one that didn't take a lot of hard work. Most of the people here have serious difficulties to overcome. Many have done it, other outcomes have not been as successful.

Rollercoaster emotions are to be expected. They will stabilize over time. I understand how hard this must be for you.

You need to decide if you really want your M to work. If you do, you are at the right place for support and advice. Keep reading and posting. You don't have to go through this alone.

I do want my marriage to work, but I can't keep putting myself through this! I just want a husband who loves me and wants to be with me...not other women. I know it's natural for minds to stray sometimes, but he has actually had sex with 5 other women in 8 years. He doesn't seem to be learning, and that could be because he gets away with it. We almost divorsed each time, and I threatened it...but he begs me back, just to do it again. He has to want to make this marriage work, and I'm not sure that his actions show that he does. I'm thinking of giving him an altimatum...go to counseling, & talk to a pastor or I'm leaving. I think he needs to find guidance, and if he won't then our M must end. I don't want that, but I don't see any other way...any suggestions?

I agree, you should not be putting yourself through this. Plan A and Plan B are designed to break a destructive cycle such as you are currently experiencing. Have you read the Plans?

Your husband is using you right now. Don't be a doormat. Fortunately this site will equip and empower you. You deserve someone who loves you and wants to be with you exclusively.

Is OW married? You need to expose this A to end it as quickly as possible. That is the first step. You can't reconcile if the A is ongoing.

Keep posting your questions and problems. You'll get help here.

Please,

Do you have children? I may be unpopular for saying this, but 5 women in 8 years, he is a serial cheater. MC will not help you at all until he figures out why he needs to do this over and over.

He is not only hurting you over and over emotionally, he is endangering your life. If I were you, and I'm not, I would seriously be asking myself what would be more painful, moving on and potentially finding someone who would be faithful to you, or enduring his betrayal over and over again.

My FWH had one affair and we are more or less recovered, but I can say with out hesitation that if I could go back to d-day and do it all again, I would end my marriage that very day. The whole recovery process has been the most painful period of my life. No way would I ever go thru it again. FWH knows not to let the door hit him in the *ss if he ever cheats again.

Who

Sounds like he has real intimacy issues - it's easier to get his ego fed by seeking out "unreal" relationships than build true intimacy with you. Google Narcissistic Personality of Narcissistic Trait and see if any of the articles describe your husband.

Don't wait another minute. And if you can't get through the day without crying, see your physician and let he or she know. Some folks on here don't like the drug talk, but they have been helping me tremendously to keep my feet on the ground and to move forward. Lexapro and Xanax when I feel extremely anxious

Hugs from me.