I wrote this email to my H. Should I send it? Or am I just trying to manipulate him into coming home before he is ready?

Dear FWS,
I'm sorry that I started to cry when you came to get the kids. I didn't want to do that. I think it's really good that you wished my dad a Happy Birthday. I am sure he really appreciated it.

I miss you and I hope that you are able to clear your mind and figure out what you want to do. I have faith in us, even if you don't. I believe, with all my heart, that we can get past this and build a happy and satisfying marriage. One that brings us both more joy than we could imagine. I also know that it won't be easy and painless. There is a lot of hurt in both of our hearts. Also, a lot of fear that we will continue the same patterns and hurt each other more.

I want you to feel what I feel but I know that is unfair. Your hurts are different than mine and we both bring our own pasts into how we deal with things. I don't think your love for me is gone. I think it is buried under layers and layers of anger, resentment, hurt and fear. I see it like a fragile, seedling under a foot of fallen leaves, then a foot of snow. Spring comes, the snow melts. Then the work of raking and fertilizing. After, what seems like forever, there is a tree with fruit dripping from it's branches. Or the seedling could be forgotten under it's blankets of snow and leaves, never to reach it's potential.

I know that you think my visits to MB are a waste of time. Why don't you give it a visit? Maybe, someone will be there who knows how you feel. Maybe, they can give you the support you need that I am unable to give. Dave, I know that you are hurting. I wish that I could make it all better. Please know that I care. I care about all of you, even the parts you keep private. I want to hold you and soothe your pain away. I wish that I could ease your mind from the turmoil that you are in.

Sincerely,
Loni