Well just a brief history here. Married 13 years ago, been together 15. About 2 years after we were married I cheated (one night stand). She "forgave me" and life went on. 2 years later she left me because of that (she said she couldn't forgive me). 8 months later she came back.

Two years later I had an emotional phone affair, and asked her to leave. (What am I stupid? yes I am). 6 months later she came back. We renewed our vows, forgave each other for a lot of things done wrong on both our parts. I truly changed, and so did she. We did well, had a good life. I made sure she knew where I was at all times and with who. I truly walked the straight and narrow. I felt like crap and wanted things to work out for us and our boys.

Eight months ago she moved out, with all the signs of an affair. I vowed to do everything I could to make things work. I have been a contributer to this and a few other marriage saving websites. I continued to got to church. (6 years ago I was born again). I have followed plan A. No response. I am in semi Plan B. There is limited contact because I have custedy of our two children. She left them with me. For 8 months she has been completely unwilling to communicate with me about anything having to do with us. In leaving she gave me all the classic excuses. (I am not good enough for you, I love you, but am not in love with you, people change etc...) She has been in the withdrall stage for some time now. Tonight while dropping off the boys she gave me a letter basically blasting me for cheating on her back in the first part of our marriage. She has obviously NOT forgiven me. she also brought up all the crap that went on in the first part of our marriage.

Is this a sign of a the conflict stage? Is she coming out of withdrall? Or am I just reading into things too much. I called her and left a message on her phone(kind of long) that I know what I did to her back then and I am truly sorry, and that she should know that I have changed. I also thanked her for finally being truthfull with me.

Any suggestions? Is this thae begining of the conflict stage, and what do I do now?

She feels guilty for what she is doing now so she is blasting you for the past.

Ok - so she feels guilty. That means she finaly feels something right? As I understand it - that is the first step back. Am I correct in that assesment? Because to be honest, I was at the brink of believing that she really did not care about anything anymore. I know I was a clod the first years of our marriage. She did some things thatwere not right to, but I chose to put those things behind us. I really thought that we both had.

I am just trying to look for some little thing to place my hope on.

Good to see you again, jony...

Tell me, why have you not gotten proof of the A?

I don't believe you can do a semi Plan B. You're doing seperation. I would launch full throttle into Plan A, including proof of A, exposure, declarations for the marriage, etc. This meets her usual leave and return time limit pattern, too.

She is feeling incredible guilt and shame.

What do you think of not putting stuff behind both of you and looking at it intently, instead?

LA

Thank you, good hearing from you again lA. Well, as I have always said I have never gotten any proof of an actual PA. I do know of the EA and that is what I have been going on.

This letter she wrote does shed some light. She has been harboring anger for 10 years and repressing it. She probably feels as though she cannot forgive. She may have just left because she turned her feelings into basic hate. I don't know because this is the first real honest communiction we have had. I hope it is not the last.

As far as plan B. I did send the letter and I don't actually see her anymore, but we do communicate about the boys at least once a week.As I understand it Plan B is no communication. I have read all the books - what do you mean by her usual leave and return time limit?

I am only waiting for her to be willing to talk and at least agree there could be a future. I am hoping the letter is the begining. I am just still wondering if this is the begining of a recovery period. Does it sound familiar to anyone?