[quote] Orchid: Yep, on the leeward side.[quote]

S&C: Yep, on the leeward side also. (That's the dry side of the island.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

S&C

S&C,

Yea....we c/b neighbors. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> You're not my neighbor who comes out about 4am to have a cigarette r u? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Btw, we are suppose t/b on the dry side but right now this whole rock is being drenched. Went to Costco and got soaked just going from the parking lot to the store. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Triwing,

How are you doing?

L.

Orchid,

You mean da old Ja-pan-knee guy wit da white tank top? Nah, just kidding. I don't even smoke. I live in Y-Pa-Who near Coo-knee-ya. lol


Triwing hasn't posted on any Sundays so we not hear back until Monday.

Laterz'

S&C <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WHAT???? in da' same zip? YIKES!!! I am by the outlets. Uh oh, I gotta watch how I drive. LOL!!!

So just look for one plunky oki chick. Oh heck, there's a lot of dat kind round here.....your eyeballs will be spinning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Ok, mo betta clue. This weekend H put in an ad on the craigslist for stuff we are selling. r u familar with that website? Make sure you go to the right one because the wrong web addy could take you to a bad site. Anyways....people have been calling asking if we are doing a swap meet at our house. LOL!!! Sure does feel like it.

So we need to wait until triwing posts on Monday? I've been here a long time....gotz patience.

Take care bro'.

L.

Low Orbit,
I don't mean to come of as biased against men. I have to watch myself with the angry outbursts and that is what TW said he had a hard time with when he posted to Dr. Harley. Of course there is a big difference in getting angry and having angry outbursts. Is that what you mean?

Yes, that's what I mean. He should be angry about the situation such that it drives him to action, but you are right about controlling that anger.

I guess I just find it odd that if a woman is treated the way some of these men are treated, their WH is excoriated, while men are told to be calm, collected, and in control...as if they somehow don't have same right to be upset or as if they've done something to deserve what's happening to them.

I really think this is what goes through many women's minds..."If he had been the husband he should have been, this wouldn't be happening to him. He must have driven her to it."

What's even stranger is that many MEN engage in this bias also.

Low

Wow, sounds like he has MUCH to be angry about! Have to agree with Low on this; if a WH had booted his W out on the street and deprived her of her children, the reaction would be very different. He needs to fight her with everything he has. This is not a time to be "friends" or to appease; it is a time to protect his children and FIGHT. That doesn't mean he burns the bridges, but he sure needs to be very forceful.

Hey, you loco guys, my wife grew up in Wiapahu, her mom still lives there. If it had been 20 years ago, The old guy in the white T-shirt you described could have been my father in law, but then he gave up the cigs and then past away 5 years ago. I swear he is up stairs shaking his head in dis-belief. He was the greatest man in the world. Can you have a loco moco for me down at one of the L & L Drive inn's. Also some nice pork hash and Mauna Pua's would sure make a nice breakfast. How about getting me some cheap t-shirts at the Diea (sp) there on the corner.....da food is so good it broke da mouth!

Sorry, I picked up the kids sunday morning and have had them ever since. She had to go to Honolulu for work (shes a flight attendant) I know she got a new cell phone today with an 808 area code, so it looks like she is really going thru with this.

I am really believing there is someone else there. Do either of you guys know a good Private Investigator there? I think I will hire one for her next trip out there. She has postponed her start date in HNL until the middle of April, it was supposed to be the first. I believe she is going to try to fight to take the kids with her. Its going to be a long hard fight. They don't need to be there with her or her family. They all have similar issues. Her mom used to run away when ever there was troubles. Her dad was the back bone of the family. Thnaks for all of your ears to listen and your finger to speak, I appreciate all you do for me. Thanks again and god bless, I will not look forward to your next reply.

Hey Tri.... I'm a ko'tonk.... LOL!!! S&C might know what that is.

L&L now has plate lunch places in several states. The Bay Area in CA has about 3. I think So Cal has some also.

I used to miss the local food, now I don't have to miss it! LOL!!! Remember Tanioka's? Yum dat poke. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ok nuff about da' food, but that's why we wear muumus. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Tri, u r checking on securing custody of the children right? If you can get into counseling with Jennifer from MB and get ahead of the game but getting the paperwork done, then you may stand a better chance of keeping your children with you.

If you need to talk, I am gonna volunteer S&C. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> He's a guy. But if you need an 'auntie' to talk wit, let me know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



I know L&L are as far east as Denver.


Hey, I'm going there tomorrow.


I don't wear muumuus anymore. Didn't do much for my figure (or my reputation). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


That's why I don't wear muumuus! But if you need to talk i'm available. My e-mail is in my signature. I may know of a P.I. too. Haven't talked to him in a while but I can check.

One last thing about food. Orchid, have you tried the En Fuego's down the road? Good Garlic Ahi!

Blessings to you all.

S&C

Orchid:



Orchid: So u used to wear muumus? R U cuzin to Frank D. L.? LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

S&C: One last thing about food. Orchid, have you tried the En Fuego's down the road? Good Garlic Ahi!

Orchid: That's out my parent's way. If you say it's good, I'll go try it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks,
L.

Orchid, and S&C thanks for all of your kind words, S&C I ready your history and what a wonderful story that is, I only pray and hope, god will give me a second chance to make this marriage work. I still believe in my heart it will, but somedays I get really down. Today is one of those days. I miss her so much, but I sure try not to let her or the kids know it. I think I am going to get up the nerve and call her mom and let her know my side of the story, my W told my sister, her mom is very upset about the divorce, she says she loves me and thinks I am a perfect husband and father. She is so delicate and old, I hate to tell her everything. I am afraid it would break her heart too. I jsut don't know what to do. If she gets custody of the kids maybe we will be neighbors, I don't think I could be a 10 hour airplane ride away from my kids. I don't know how she could imagine to do that to them or to me. Oh, man I've got to fight! Hope to hear from you all soon.
Triwing

I don't know what you are talking about with MB counseling with Jennifer. Is this for me, the kids or us? I started counseling a month or 6 weeks ago, hoping she would join me, I guess now it is going to be individual to help with the pain and help me become a better man. Thanks.

Triwing

Orchid,


No, He's way to por-da-gee for me. It's just, sometimes in life, ya get nutz and do things spontaneously and someone else decides it's a Kodak moment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Triwing,


That's why they call it a rollercoaster ride.


I doubt there's nothing wrong with letting her or the kids know you miss her. It's when you start to feel clingy and needy that hurts the situation.


What would be the purpose of that? I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I just wanted to see what the motivation is. If it is to get her on your side, ..well, it looks like that is already done. If I were you, since your MIL knows about the A, I would just tell her that you love your W and that you will be doing your best to fix the M.


My definition of Worry is "an overactive negative imagination". You haven't come to that point yet. Put your energy into keeping your kids with you.

Tri, do you mind if I ask you a question? I hope you don't cause here it is.

Do you or your W consider yourself a Christian. The reason I ask is because I am a Christian and I prefer to offer my POV from that perspective. If you don't want that, let me know.

Where is your W, physically? With you, OM or on a trip of some sort? And the kids?

Got's to get going. Blessings to you.

S&C

[/quote] I don't know what you are talking about with MB counseling with Jennifer. Is this for me, the kids or us? I started counseling a month or 6 weeks ago, hoping she would join me, I guess now it is going to be individual to help with the pain and help me become a better man. Thanks.

Triwing [/quote]


4 U 1st. The children will have to get someone local in your area but counseling w/Jennifer will allow u to get stronger 1st.

L.

S & C, yes we are both christian. No I don't mind you asking. Rigth now my wife is just returning from a trip to Honloulu, she was there for work, (I'm not sure what else) She did get a new cell phone with an 808 area code. The kids have been with me since Sunday, I she will get them after school today. The main reason I want to talk to her mom is to let her know if I get the kids she is always welcome to call or even come see them. I also hope she will let a little information out about the real reason my W is moving to Hawaii, she probably doesn't know, but it would be interesting to find out the REAL reason she is going. I am pretty sure my wife never told her of the A from 2 years ago. Thanks again for all of your help. Scott

Tri,

Howzit going?


If you have good reason to think she is in an A, you should expose to her parents. Yes she will get mad, yes she will say a bunch of things that hurt, but it is all part of the process to get her to end the A.

If she isn't in an A, then exposure becomes less of a weapon to get end the A and more of a manipulating tool. You need to use it with the right motive.

As far as her Mom is concerned, you basically "Plan A" her. Don't talk bad about her daughter, but speak truth and demonstrate your desire to save the M.

Can't write much, I gotta prepare for work this weekend.

Oh BTW - Orchid's suggestion about the counseling is good.

Laterz' and Bless you.

S&C

Well, we have had another talk. She now tells me again, we are going back to the previous plan. She is going to let me have the kids and all our possessions, except what is hers. She is still going to the islands, but now she wants me to go to, if I can get the oprotunity to transfer there. I told her I would give it serious thought, and I would. The kids need to be close to both parents. I just don't know if I could afford it on my one salary. She then suggested, the made a mistake, and would like us to come as a family. I am so confused. I told her, I needed proof she was getting help for herself, so we don't go thru this again in another year or 2. I don't think she is real happy with herself right now. I hope she goes to Hawaii, gets help like she says she will, and realize what her prioritys are.

Tri,

Notice the dates and your posts.....do you see the roller coaster? Is it making you C-sick? How about A-sick?

Whatcha gonna do?
L.

YES< IT IS MAKING ME SICK! physically and emotionally, I want to work this out so bad, but she keeps messing with my head and my heart. My mind knows I should leave her alone and let her go find out what she needs, but my heart wants to drag her back and try to fix tis now. I am going to quit telling her how much I love and miss her, and try to talk to her regarding the kids. SHe knows how I feel. I hope and pray she will wake up and see the light. Please pray with me.