hi,

i just wanted you to know im thinking of you today. i hope everything goes well without alot of drama. when you get the chance let me know how it all went, and that your okay. ill be praying that all goes well.
imtswife

Thank you for your prayers. I needed all I could get. And still do!! WELL...

Over the weekend I text messaged OW that I had something for her and the baby. Diapers and wipes. So that opened the line of communication somewhat. We text back and forth a few times and all went well. Prayer answered.

Today, Monday, my H took her to the hospital for the c section. I joined him/them at 9:00 per her request. She was very out of it with all the meds but if things can stay the way they went today, for the most part, we will be fine.

My H and I changed her first diaper....on the edge of OW's hospital bed. I held her for over an hour (falling in love with her). My H and I purchased her hospital outfit for pictures.

There was not a lot of drama but the whole day was very emotional. I was in and out of the hospital 3 times, once with my kids, visiting with her family, talking to other family members about the situation, etc ....I finally got home at 8:00 pm and I just had to take a few minutes to go in my room and cry. And then it was over, I just had to get it out.

I must add, she has a new boyfriend (that orginally I thought was imaginary) and I was able to see and talk to him. See them together. That is exactly what I needed to see.

I know that the victories of today were directed by God's hand. I am still very leary of the manipulation that she has had in the past. I am afraid that my family (me and children as well as my husband) will get attached to this beautiful baby and then she will snap back, yanking her away from us. But God is faithful and He brought us this far, He is on our side, He will carry us through.

Thank you for your prayers....you are also in mine. Please let me know how your situation went.

hi, i am so glad to hear that all went well, im sure your emotionally drained right now.I am so happy for you that you are all able to do this together. its important to oc.
maybe with her having boyfriend she is accepting the fact that you and your h are together. it also sounds like hopefully she is thinking of babys needs first. i hope we will be as lucky.i understand tottaly that even though all went well its still very hard and emotional.
god is sure holding on to you all, thats obvious.
i wish i could go buy somthing for baby but i was hurt by her in past and am know afraID TO TRUST her. but thats okay for now. i did send 2 boxes of clothes that i had collected to her, i never even got a thankyou. what i got was how she basicaly didnt want anything to do with us.
like i said ive given it to god, he will let me know what to do. right now i just need to stay back. i think she was being nice to me to affect my h ,which it never did so she got mad and stopped talking to me.

anyway i had left you another post on my thread, but to let you know, we still dont know if oc is here i think he is but she hasnt called us, she wants my h to call her and he still doesnt want to talk to her. he said he would call today but then came home asnd still doesnt want to. i have to support him even if i dont agree, but he said he will call her tomaroo for sure. he promised. he just doesnt want her drama and the problems.

aint it funny that they say no contact with ow is best yet in our sit they cant. if no oc noone would question why he wont call cause its understandable.yet we dont have that choice, not really. i dont think its going to go as well for us, but im still praying that it does. ill let you know how it turns out. h is requesting a dna test. i know he wont do anything untill he knows for sure. is your h doing one or are you already sure its his. by what ive seen on tv lately its best to have test. so many women blame a man and later find out it wasnt his. were not taking that chance.

anyway, im sure your in bed now hopefully youll be able to sleep. thanks for letting me know. again im glad things went well. my best to all of you. imtswife

hello emkaydee,

havent heard from you in awhile hope everything is still alright with you. let me know how your doing, ive been thinking alot of you alot lately, imtswife

I am sorry it has taken so long for me to reply....

Actually, I still can't believe how GOOD things have turned out (so far) for all of us. We have a lot of contact with the baby and OW....and it is all really good. I (with and without) my husband go over to her place and pick up the baby two to three times a week. I just knock on the door and go on in, like I have known her for years. She is very comfortable with it and does not mind asking me to watch OC. OC has been such a blessing to all of us...we love her dearly. I would have never expected all of this to go as well as it has. A MIRACLE indeed all provided by God!!

H and OW discussed CS and they settled on an amount that was $11 more per week than what the lawyer said we would pay. Not enough to argue over considering how good things are going. Knock on wood!!

I hope things are going well for you...let me know...prayers!!!

emkaydee, that is wonderful news! sorry, i know this is imts thread but i just wanted to congratulate you on a happy ending. They dont happen often. Savor it!

well hello,

glad your still here.

im so happy for you that its going so well. you have what was my dream. i had really hoped my sitch would be like that.

more ow need to understand that some of us relly care and want to reallyu help them with oc. unfortunitly so many are so angry they wont allow anything good to happen.

im really happy for you. ill bet it makes it a whole lot easier on you to get through this. we can be friends with ow. i know i wanted to be. i would have been motherly to her and more like a gramma to oc. oh well, ill just keep praying about it. i know where my heart is, thats what matters.

again congradulations, a ow that trully puts oc needs first, that is great. keep us posted you give me hope.

imtswife

As good as things seem to be I don't want to give the impression that everything is "coming up roses." Cause it is not. I still feel insecure about her. Mostly that I don't compare to her. I'm older and I am a very routine and predictable person. She is the exact opposite. I mean, what was it that caused my husband to want her???? I know he chose me in the long run but I feel that if it happened once, it could happen again.

OW is still a typical OW with manipulation whenever she can. I mean, after about 6 weeks of knowing the baby, she tells us that she is moving several hours away. Of course my H gets upset and so do I. Trying to keep focus that this is her M.O. and has said this kind of stuff before and is still here.......

I love OC and I have said several times that she should have been mine. She looks just like my son did when he was a baby. I can't help but love her, she is the ultimate victim in this mess. Created all for manipulation.....

OW has a boyfriend who has 2 kids of his own. He is a family man. He is good for OW....almost too good. I am starting to wonder if he decided to "adopt" OC if that wouldn't be best for everyone involved. A real hard thing to say after getting attached to her at this point. Any suggestions????

My dear I was just reading through when I stumbled on your post. I reviewed your situation and some of the things you have gone through. I do not know much about you but you seem like a very strong woman indeed. Your last post said something about the Adoption of the OC who has come into your life, you also mentioned having other children and I bet they have met this litte one. The only thing I would be worried about is pulling this little baby away from them especially if they are attached. Just some words for thought.

Well, when I wrote that post almost a month ago, I was in a very different place than I am in now. We have OC four nights a week (most of the time) and could NEVER think of saying goodbye to her. I know that sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest. That is the right thing to do for OC in all of this ugly mess. I know that her being a part of our lives is what is BEST for her. I hope that her mother always feels that way too. We do pay child support, buy diapers, wipes, clothes, and baby items...anything she needs....even with having her a lot.

Admittantly, yes, my children know and love OC. I have to keep in mind that with sometimes feeling like we should try for custody of her...would that really be in her best interest? I mean, taking her from her mother? OW has not done anything wrong (regarding OC), she is just not a mother type of person. Not maternal in any way shape or form.

Thank you for your input.

emkaydee,
That's an incredible story. I hope it continues to go well for you all.

I just dropped OC off after having her for 3 days and it is hard to share. She does fit well with our family. Who knows what tomorrow brings.

Congradulations for bearing this so well.
J

I noticed the delay in post later, but I am still glad that things are going better for you. Sometimes yes it would be better for your family to have full custody, however you do not want to take a child away from its mother. Just be glad, which I am sure you are that you have the time with her. Four nights a week sounds really nice, and her not being a maternal person might add more time later.

Your welcome, Good luck my dear to you and your family

[quote] and her not being a maternal person might add more time later. [quote]

That is exactly what I pray for! I would have never thought that things would have been as easy as they are now. She is young and likes her "time to herself." God has been faithful and gets all the credit in this situation. He will take care of the rest in His time.

emkaydee,

hi, wow you have oc 4 nights week, sounds like you all have her more then her mother. why do you pay so much then, and still buy her stuff. shes very lucky. i guess we just wouldnt be able to afford it.

we live check to check and have hard time without support. if we end up paying we wouldnt be able to also buy stuff for her. we are hoping that if it is his that we could just share custody then not pay support each of us paying for child when we have them.

i have started praying for gods will and have stopped praying that it not be his. there is a differance im finding. you know i would have liked our sitch to have been like yours but our ow is a drama look for reaction kind of person. shes not nice. im glad things are good for you. i know it doesnt make the pain just go away, but im sure things are better when ow isnt a controlling mean person. i miss talking to you. but yes somtimes in order for me to not obsess i have to stay away. my thoughts tend to control me somtimes and i have to do alot of praying for peace.

we will be sending in our papers tomaroo. hopefully it wont take long beforee he has test. we have no idea what oc looks like since she wont let dh see oc unless he signs that it is his. why would she do that. espically to her son. it just seems suspicious to me. youd think shed want him to see as to say see hes yours cause he looks like you. but no, i dont get it. everything she had said before about importance of child having dad must not be true.

she has talked down about my dh in social circles that we were in before her. we no longer go as its become uncomfortable.

did your h and ow agree on everything or did you all go through the courts, did you all ask for 4 nights week or did she offer. how are you and dh doing. mine is still worried that i may leave him if oc is his. he doesnt want to have anything to do with ow, if oc is his he wants it set up to get oc from another person. sad thing is is it didnt have to be like this. it could have been like yours.

it amazes me how some woman are so selfcentered and selfish, its not about whats best for there child. yet others it is about what is best for child even if it hurts.

thanks for being there, id love to hear more about your sitch, itsa good to see that some are somewhat human and caring, about there child.

imtswife

Honestly, I was real angry about having to pay CS...or just the thought of it. I make more $$$ than H does and CS is based on his pay only. We went to a lawyer and we agreed to pay $11 more per week than he figured. I do not view CS as a burden...I view it as a way to get to see OC...MY CHILD when she is with me... OW did not want to go through courts...she is getting more this way...I was worried at first about the financial result of this but as always God took care of it and we don't feel a pinch like I feared we would. Its just another bill.

Our lawyer said that in our state the shared custody did not work out in the best interest when the child is young but now we have a good system of visitation that allows us to document all of our visits...and how much we do for her...that will prove in our favor IF we ever have to go to court. I pray that it never gets to that place. I feel that we are doing the BEST thing for the baby. It does take a lot of patience and tongue biting for me sometimes. Our marriage counselor said that I have turned my enemy into a friend...Abe Lincoln...(not quite a "friend" though)

My best friend/child protective social worker said that you can get more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. It is so hard sometimes. But H is doing a fantastic job of making me feel secure...all the right "Love Bank" things that I need, we need.

Before the baby was born, there was a problem concerning the heart on the sonogram. I, too, prayed for a "get out of jail free card". Trying to get over this nightmare of a situation has been hard...I was praying God's will. NEVER did I think all of this would happen. I talk to OW more than my H does....

I have been told that any thing that OW says against your H (if he is proven dad) can be used against her. That is document EVERYTHING she says and to who she says it to. "Children have been taken away from the verbally negative parent for this type of thing." In our state, there is even a document that gives the child the right to not have to listen to negative talk against a parent from the other parent.

Please keep me posted on your sitation. God will take care of everything....in the best possible way....for everyone.

If you would like to send me an email: emkaydee1989@yahoo.com