ok I think I have my H figured out! But what do I do??

H has always been obeese. He was mobidly obeese for about 3 years. This has always been tough for him as it would anyone. He never did any of the things us skinny people do. A friend told me he was pretty outcasted way back in high school do to his weight.

I have always loved him for who he was, so did our friends and family.

There was a time when I strayed years ago. I slept on the couch for 3 years because of his poor hygeine. He was depressed and angry about his size, I did not know. No excuse for what I did. My counseler asked me to asked me to ask H this... If I gained 200#, had poor hygeine, did not do proper grooming, could barely go to work, was just miserable and he slept on the couch for 3 years - what would he do??? He never really answered. I am not justifing my behavior, but I wonder what anyone would do? I now know what I should have done.

2 years ago H had gastric bypass - now he is skinny.

He starts riding horses. He LOVES the horses and the new friends he has made. From what I understand in upstate NY the number of people who participates w/ horses as he does is limited.

The painful part for me is shortly after he started this passion w/ horses he gave me the boot to pursue the woman who is at the helm of all the horse activities. He had a very long EA that I know of w/ her.

I believed that in order for our marriage to survive she had to go 100%. I felt it was unbearable to attempt to be in a life he started w/out me and around a woman he wanted was having an EA w/.

The horses have consumed a great % of his life. Too much if you ask me. I think he felt strongly that if he gave her up he would have to give up the horses too.

He found reasons to give me up instead.

I read the stages of midlife and wow does he fit! Between that and loosing over 200#s.

He has no feelings for me other than friendship. He wants to experiment w/ other women now that he is skinny. Funny thing is he said he would never date a heavy woman.

I have been plan Aing to death. I have made love, while he has just had sex a few times. That hurts. We talk everyday as friends. Having a friendship w/ him is extremely painful.

I have said that when he does something that hurts me more I will apply plan B. He hurts me everyday. How did you know when it was time to plan B?

I have been reading a book "not just friends", wich is very insightful. Should I give the book to him when I am finished?

I would apprieciate any and all thoughts on this mess.

Julie