ok I think I have my H figured out! But what do I do??
H has always been obeese. He was mobidly obeese for about 3 years. This has always been tough for him as it would anyone. He never did any of the things us skinny people do. A friend told me he was pretty outcasted way back in high school do to his weight.
I have always loved him for who he was, so did our friends and family.
There was a time when I strayed years ago. I slept on the couch for 3 years because of his poor hygeine. He was depressed and angry about his size, I did not know. No excuse for what I did. My counseler asked me to asked me to ask H this... If I gained 200#, had poor hygeine, did not do proper grooming, could barely go to work, was just miserable and he slept on the couch for 3 years - what would he do??? He never really answered. I am not justifing my behavior, but I wonder what anyone would do? I now know what I should have done.
2 years ago H had gastric bypass - now he is skinny.
He starts riding horses. He LOVES the horses and the new friends he has made. From what I understand in upstate NY the number of people who participates w/ horses as he does is limited.
The painful part for me is shortly after he started this passion w/ horses he gave me the boot to pursue the woman who is at the helm of all the horse activities. He had a very long EA that I know of w/ her.
I believed that in order for our marriage to survive she had to go 100%. I felt it was unbearable to attempt to be in a life he started w/out me and around a woman he wanted was having an EA w/.
The horses have consumed a great % of his life. Too much if you ask me. I think he felt strongly that if he gave her up he would have to give up the horses too.
He found reasons to give me up instead.
I read the stages of midlife and wow does he fit! Between that and loosing over 200#s.
He has no feelings for me other than friendship. He wants to experiment w/ other women now that he is skinny. Funny thing is he said he would never date a heavy woman.
I have been plan Aing to death. I have made love, while he has just had sex a few times. That hurts. We talk everyday as friends. Having a friendship w/ him is extremely painful.
I have said that when he does something that hurts me more I will apply plan B. He hurts me everyday. How did you know when it was time to plan B?
I have been reading a book "not just friends", wich is very insightful. Should I give the book to him when I am finished?
I would apprieciate any and all thoughts on this mess.
Julie