But don't worry...I won't frequent the thread anymore...I will begin my own for FWS who are free to speak and free to disagree

Sfj, you're picking and choosing the MB principles that suit you and denying the legitimacy of those that bother you? Huh? I presume you do the same with your diet plan (assuming you've ever been on one)? And probably you also decide which state laws you'll abide by? Don't you see the MB precepts make up one coherent whole, a single plan?

Flukette, thank you for the thoughtful response. That made me think and I know I don't have all the answers -- far from it. it's Mrs. Wondering's style of calling names and hostility that I reject. Your response touched me, thank you.

You know, many of us have explained why and how exposure is necessary for an affair to end.

So far, all I've seen from y'all is that exposure would hinder recovery by creating resentment in the WS.

So, tell us, how can NOT exposing help end an affair?

Inquiring minds want to know.

No, longhorn, I don't. Just as I may have a certain political affiliation...I don't always vote straight party line. I critically examine and make my decisions. Likewise, I don't think one line of thought has to be accepted completely

sfjaj,

Why do you continually ignore my questions and responses to you? Many of which, have been quite understanding, IMO...What gives?

And, btw, where is your husband right now sfjaj? How does he feel about all this? Is he reading this thread?

Mrs. W

I hope my words are of help to you in your process but understand that it has taken me MONTHS to get to this point in my life and I'm not even CLOSE to knowing the answers. I struggle daily sometimes. I just know that I love my H more than anything. I will NEVER let him take any heat for my actions. I OWN it. Until I could, I did nothing but defend myself. It's hard to let go of that.

Also, if I may, Mrs. W wasn't name calling. She tells it like it is. I know it is hard to hear but that's how it is.

Mrs. Wondering, what questions have I not answered? I will answer them. Also, on a much earlier post my H responded once because he saw that I was upset by some earlier conflicts in the forums. I can't really speak for him, but he is not one to open up to others about his pain

I'm not Mrs. Wondering, but you haven't answered my question. Again, I ask:

How can NOT exposing stop an affair?

I'VE BEEN KIND TO YOU...THAT APPROACH DIDN'T WORK...I WON'T SIT BACK AND LET YOU TALK ABOUT THE BSes HERE, THE VICTIMS, IN THE TONE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN...NOPE, I WON'T TOLERATE THAT KIND OF BLATANT DISRESPECT ON THEIR BEHALF-THEY HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH...ME THINKS I'M HITTING NERVES WITH YOU...BEEN THERE...DONE THAT...GOT THE UGLY T-SHIRT AND ALL...

I'M DONE...GIMME A BREAK...FOGHORN...DUBYA OUT...CHECK PLEASE!!!


Mrs. W



--------------------------------------

CODE BROWN

Oh good, I wasn't enjoying the conversation with you either

Well, luv, you are here on a thread that has my name in the title...Were you expecting to pound out a treaty with the Queen of England???

Mrs. Wondering


P.S. Good Luck with that thread of your own that you are going to start where FWSes are free to go against Marriage Builders ON Marriage Builders...this belongs in the Fog Babble Hall of Fame...GOOD GRIEF!

She doesn't asnswer my questions either. I have asked on several of the threads where she is active is she has exposed to the omw and told her that she has an oc with him.

Have you SFJAJ?

Why on earth is anyone bothering with this self indulgent, unrepentant, self aggrandizing, unrepentant Adulteress for? SFAJ In my experience, you are the epiotme of everything that a Wadneirng spouse is does and always will be until they get help and OWN their choices. And make amends.

I have DEAR DEAR friends that WERE WS but the difference between THEM and you CLearly indicates that you want to pick and choose only the principles that you apply to the least discomfort to yourself.

And clearly honesty is last on your list. Honesty with yourself and defintely honesty with your betrayed husband and with the OMW. Don't worry I am putting you on ignore.

YOu commetns and your filters of the good, decent and proven principles of RECOVERY indicate to me that you are in the wrong forum. Try TOW. YOu will get LOTS of support for YOUR actions.

Let those of us that WANT to heal get on witht hat process. Let the sincere posters get support.

To: fighting alone-again

Written by Tempest, MB Administrator

"There have been a number of complaints about many threads on this forum where people feel that their opinions are being disrespected. This is troubling to me, because I've always felt that everyone's opinion should be respected.

It has become SO troubling to me of late that I felt the need to post this message to every member of this forum - newbie, lurker, old-timer alike - I don't care how many posts you've made, if this is your very first, or how much you know or do not know about MB, this message is for all of you: RESPECT ONE ANOTHER. If you disagree with someone's opinion, state it politely and without condescension or malice - or do not state it at all.

An opinion (a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty) does not have to be based in fact, nor backed up by any. Opinions are completely subjective. If you think someone's opinion is ridiculous, that's your prerogative, but it is NOT anyone's right to be rude (ill-mannered; discourteous) and/or condescending (to deal with people in a patronizingly superior manner) about it."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Grace...tell your story...or move on...as of yet, you don't, as they say, "have a dog in this fight"...

Mrs. Wondering

Let us not forget that everyone here... EVERYONE here, is affected by adultery - most in a direct fashion.

Everyone starts their learning process somewhere. Often those that question and buck the system wind up being MB's biggest advocators.

Rarely has anyone come here and instantly "got it".

I know several FWS's here, whom I love and admire (my own FWH included), who used to practice self-indulgence, were unrepentant, self-aggrandizing, unrepentant Adulteresses/Adulterers.

They are now working diligently on their marriages and themselves with much success.

I understand how frustrating it can get to hear fogginess. As a BS, these are the very patterns of thinking that caused us great pain. For a FWS, it is easy to identify this as the same way of thinking that caused guilt, shame, and great pain to ourselves and those we love.

This is precisely the place a WS needs to be! Why urge them to go join TOW? TOW doesn't need any more members!!!

Keep plugging away at a WS. Maybe something you say will reach them. Maybe it won't. I think it is certainly worth the effort.

That was a good reply, Frozen, to what fighting alone-again wrote. Sajaj needs all the help she can possibly receive; she doesn't need to be driven away to the TOW board.

Hmm, Mrs Wondering, in regards to your comment.
Grace...tell your story...or move on.

I have read the rules for posting on this MB forum and I see no where that we HAVE TO TELL our personal story in order to be able to reply to a thread.

Well said <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />[un]Frozen(you smokin' hottie you) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />...

I'm am certainly grateful to those here who blew the foghorn at me...and kept at it til I got it...I'm glad that no one told me what I wanted to hear at the time...or sent me packin' to the TOW board...Yikes, that is NOT a pretty place...In that foggy mind set, however, I would have lapped up their poison...I shudder to think where my family would be today...The wonderful people here thought that I was worth the effort...at a time that I certainly didn't think I was...I came here puffed up and bluffing though...

Most importantly, Mr. W saw me as worth it...because of his efforts and the efforts of many here... I came to see that I was worth it...even greater, that WE are worth it...THAT is what allowed me to see how selfish that I was...how much pain that I caused...to understand WHY I made that CHOICE...to OWN it...and begin making amends...


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />Mrs. W<------doing the "happy me" dance...the "HAPPY US" dance(always more fun with Mr. W at home!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



So yes, Frozen, you are right...the initial posts of WSes here are important...they are part of this process...As is the conflict they encounter here when they continue trying to rationalize and justify...it is from that that they learn...and many times the anger that is produced in the WS by what others post to them is good...great even...if the BS in that circumstance can listen and nod...almost agreeing with their WS, it puts them on the same team again AND can produce a great line of communication that leads to bonding...the seeds planted in the WS here can grow in that kind of environment...

EVERY time that I go back and read my own initial posts, I learn something more...I'm not just saying that...It is the absolute truth...They are hard for me to read...but I do...each time, I see something new...usually a memory of something that I did during that time that was incredibly selfish and inflicted more pain on Mr. W comes to mind...much clearer now...I go to Mr. W with that stuff...telling him how I now see things and how deeply sorry I am...though he has never asked for it...It is important to me [NOW] to validate the feelings that he had then-the ones that he had NO ONE to share with-the ones that made him feel like he was losing his mind...feelings that I NEVER considered...his feelings are of HUGE VALUE to me now...I will NEVER abuse him again...because that IS what affairs are...SHAMELESS ABUSE...

So, Grace...seriously, start a thread, tell your story...I've already guessed which side of this coin you are on...You are worth it too...we'll take the effort to help you get there...


Mrs. Wondering

Beautifully said!

P.S. You tryin' to embarrass me or sumpthin'?