hi all,

we finally got official word, baby is here. my h called her on mon, left mess on machine she called back last night. i wasnt here at time so my h told son to tell her he was in br and would call back. h then called me to hurry. when i got home he called.

this ow is somthing else, remember i said she likes to be the center of attention. well she said how much he weighed and how long he was then it was all about her. her e csection she almost died icu 3 days 6 pints of blood, absolutly nothing else about baby. dont no if has hair, hair color is he a pretty baby is he loud or quiet, nothing.he then asked about getting peternity done, she said he should have done this before oc came, now she has attorney and he drew up papoers for him to sign adfmitting p and for cs. he told her no reason to do before, then just told her to send papers. she told him he can seeoc when he pays cs. what a witch, she sure cares about her son. i dont understand woman they hate mm and w more then their c.

my h says im a rare person. i dont know if many of you know. but in some ways some might of called me the ow. but i wasnt. i met my h when he had been divorceed for 1 and a half years. he pusued me. his x didnt want him.i asked if he would go back if she did, anyway as soon as she found out i was p she wantewd him back, i now know she made threats using there daughter. i talked and cried to him for a few weeks then i let go. i never had c. after my son waS Born i sent him letter. i wanted nothing other then my son to have his father.my older c had losy their dad through death, i wanted my b to have a chance.

i didnt ask for anything i didnt want anything, it was hard i let my newborn go with people i didnt know. it was hard to see them together, but i stayed out of there life. i was not a person that was evil or hurtful.anyway story is i loved my son more then i hated om, which i never did. im not sure i have that in me.so anyway i can relate to how ow feel, they cant tell me i dont know what it feels like, cause i do. i even myself called his xw when they were together my babys other mama. cause that WAS BEST FOR MY CHILD. it was not about me.

why cant ow be more like that. my h says thats how most r. i cant comprhend it, but as h says im not the norme. if anyone wants to here rest of story ill be glad to tell. i never went after him to come back, honest.

anyway, i texted her as my h asking her to at least send picture. she said no, he can see oc when he signs paper. so what do you all think this is a 24 yer old that has to have all control. she is not going to be fun to deal with. and what new mom doesnt go on and on about there new baby. what do you all think of that and what do u think we should do, should we wait for papers or go file ourselves.

anyway thanks for listening, the waiting is over now the real pain begins. ill keep you all posted,
imtswife

Get paternity legally established, including the test, signing w/o the test would be a huge mistake.

imtswife,

I don't think any OW is ever easy to deal with. In our situation, the OC looks just like my H there is no doubting that she is his.....But by our lawyers recommendation, get paternity established first. Our OW gets medical assistance so CS is automatically taken care of throught the state. But that does nothing for visitation. Only CS.

as for us, my H and I along with our children were at the hospital every day until OW and OC came home. And my H and i were the ones that brought her home, took her stuff in her house and visited for a while. What a WEIRD day that was. Later on that day we brought our kids back to her apt and visited some more. My daughter helped her give the baby a bath.

I feel like I am waiting for the ax to fall on us right now. OW is acting fine, but today, my H took her and OC to hospital for tests and a dr appt. He wanted all of us to go back and visit again later. She said she was going to have her family over and it would be better to wait till the next night. Sounds like a decent request. But then he said he wanted to take a picture of the baby with his cell phone cause he would miss baby, and OW said well you can come back if you want to later but then dont come Saturday. I certainly understand the fact that she doesn't want company all the time, but my H is now realizing that he will not get to see this child the way he did ours every day. I also got the feeling that she is trying to play the upper hand of control...although it is understandable at least in this instance.

As far as your OW not talking about OC very much, I am also perplexed by the way my OW also does not seem to be as interested in her child as I would be. I have been in the hospital with her several hours, some w/o my H, and she has no problem with me doing anything with her baby. I mean if I was her, I would be the LAST person with the baby. She would leave the room with me holding the baby. There were sometimes I would not see her hold her baby for 5 or 6 hours. And when she did, it was for a few minutes only.

She is very immature. The baby was sound asleep and she wanted to wake her up to "play" with her. She also wanted to give her a bath on the night she brought her home from the hospital, getting the bath tub out to run water in...after she had a nurse read her the directions on NOT to give the baby a bath in a tub because of the umbilical cord. I feel so sorry for this baby...She also told us how she liked to scare her other daughter when she was little (now 6) because she thought her reaction was funny. I mean, grow up!!

My h wants to go after C but feels he does not have a fighting chance. the lawyer we talked to said that we would be starting from behind the 8 ball because she is now established at her mothers house.

I would like to hear more about your story. and I don't believe you to be an OW. When I was 18 I was an OW because I was young, dumb, stupid, and very selfish. Only thing is I did not do all the demanding and manipulative things that our OW is doing. I virtually disappeared from his existance. I have grown up a lot since then. I do believe that what goes round comes around and now I am getting mine. When my H told me about the A the first thing I said was "my life has now come full circle." That is why now in this current situation I am trying real hard to be loving and compassionate because I truely believe it will come back to me and I want to be a good model for my own kids. I don't want to act the Jerry Springer life that I am living.

I am praying for you... hang in there....keep me posted.

hello angel,

wow i havent seen you in forever, how are you. you are one that always gave me hope. if things can work out for you they can for me. its good to hear from you. no we wont i should say h wont sign nothing without proof.

i was looking up perternity in our state and came across somthing thaT said if the person is the mother they did not have the right to deny the father to see b even while awating results of test, if so they could be charged. i found that interesting. she says hes the father yet tells him no he cant see unless he signs or pays.im keeping records of everything, ive learned so much from all of you here. she just might be digging her own grave, or at least making it alot easier for us to get joint physical custody.

im just wondering if h should wait for papers if there coming or if he should push for pt himself. i dont want anything that is going to work against him.

emkaydee,

thankyou, im glad your there, our oc are 6 days apart, makes me feel kinda bonded to ya. im glad things are going good, that you got to see oc so much. im sure that made it so much easier.
i want to understand, your lawyer said probably not cause shes already settlet at her moms house or is it ow at her moms house. either way, i see no reason you cant at least try for 50/50. id try no matter what. fathers have rights to i read somewhere that if a father doesnt try they cant get. so many think they cant so they dont try. i say go for it. that oc wouldnt notice. i dont understand how they always think newborn cant be away for very long, yet its the father. or then mom goes back to work and oc in daycare and thats okay , but its to long for father to take b for whole day. men have to start fighting for there rights thats the only way things are going to happen.

are you already paying support, or do you just know thats how its done in your state. our ow was on state medical so does that mean the state will do it also. your h didnt sign anything did he. did he alredy have test. how long will it take for results.

i can understand ow not wanting company everyday, has your h thought about asking to take oc for a few hours everyother day or so. id ask is her dd father around and in her life. some women dont mind child going alot.

well ill talk to you soon, im going to try to send you a private message, just not sure how to do it.
glad you are good, imtswife

ok emkaydee,

i tried to to send you a private message but it said its disabled so i guess i cant. i was just wondering what state your in. if you dont want to say in open i understand. somtimes i worry that ow is going to read what i write, i used to talk about this site back when we used to talk. sometimes i have a big mouth and say to much, not a good idea. anyway im in washington.

if anyone else knows any laws here id love to hear about them. anyway bye for now.

I don't know how to enable the private messaging thing either. I have put a request in to find out. I will pass this along to you. I am in Delaware. Washington state or DC?

The "private message" feature is not functional for ANY members on any MB forums.

This is because so many of us find ourselves on the forums at extremely difficult low-points in our lives. With male & female posters, it's far too easy to form attachments to others when conversations are taken offline.

imtswife - Get that paternity established ASAP...don't sign anything...after it's established then go and get your visitation...she runs NOTHING!

Spoken just like a woman who is also in the process <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

imtswife,
[color:"purple"] I'm great, visitation/c is going really well. H and I Started College in Oct. and been really busy with it and everything else. I made the deans list in Feb. and working in it or better next month, H made the honor roll(working on Associates of Paralegal). Hang in there, I hope all goes well for you and your H.[/color]

thankyou all,

after having a couple days to calm down i realise that again i was tring to control outcome. i can tell because i become obbsessed with it.

im happy to say, ive come to my sences. thanks to all of you here and my close support from friends and family i know i need to let go and let god again. i need to stop worring about it. god will take care of all.

sometimes i just felt like if my h did nothing it would go against him. make him look bad. but even people from church have said to do nothing, just wait and let god handle it. so thats what im going to do.

emkaydee, im in wa state, if ow was on medical through state then state automaticly does cs? have you already heard concerning cs. it sounds like you have, or do you know thats just how it is. do you know how long it takes to hear from state?

angel, glad to hear everything going good. good luck with school. dont stay away so long, we need you here.

crazy, we wont sign, we will now wait to hear from her. she got state medical so the state may go after h. but i know they will do test first. we will not give her power, cant go through that again. doing it with hxw was enough for me. to be honest with you, my h would rather do nc then go through any of that. we are leaning on god for now. have you learned anymore from your attorny. whens your court date. how are you holding up. ill pray for you that its not your h, as i am for myself.
bye all for now, imtswife

imtswife

I looked up visitation in diff states and WA state was one when you finally get DNA test done I can let you know what I know.

yes the state will jump on it to establish paternity if she is on aid. they want that CS lol

Our court date is April 12th. I will be away on business, that upset me a little, I was ready to cancel, but my H told me to go...he didn't want this thing to interfere in our lives any further than it already has.

We faxed "our lives on paper" over to our attorney yesterday. As I watched my H get everything together...I just stared at him...I wonder....was that POA worth all of this....I don't think so.....I'm sorry that I went through this, but it serves him right.

We sent the attorney our monthly bills, car payments, etc. Do you they consider any of this?

We had to send this all in too, but if it matters I dont see where, they didnt consider it my case, didnt even cosider the kids. Do you know if your state takes into consideration of both parents income???? Our state dont, but some do.


I really have to bite my tongue saying this to my H sometime, once in while it boils up and I want to scream at him, was she that good in the sack, was it worth it? But I just bite my tongue till it bleeds and take deep breathes tell the feeling goes away cause I know how sorry he is and how much the guilt is eating him up. And I know it will scare him, cause he has admitted numerous times that he is afraid I will get frustrated with all this mess and leave him. Just knowing this does give me a little satisfaction for the pain I am going thru but then I feel guilty when I get them feelings cause I do love him with all my heart and I know he loves me and wishes that he could turn back the hands of time.

They do consider both parents incomes....she is in a different state than us.

I can completely understand the biting of the tongue....my tongue will have to be sewn back on soon. I love my H too, and I know that he feels horribly, but in a way, I want him to....I want him to realize what he did to us....just so that he thinks twice the next time he chooses to mix Jack Daniels and Coronas.

LOL my H only thinks of ice tea now!!

I know you guys probably did think of it but you did remove his name off the bank accounts, off the car titles and everything like that into just your name?? The only thing in my H name is his payroll check.

His name is on his car, his bank account and his paycheck...my name is on the houses, etc. That wasn't done after finding out about the OC...we just never got around to doing it....God was looking out for me before I knew to look out for myself.

I wished sometimes that my belief was that strong. Sometimes I feel it might help, the few times I have broke and went to look for the help I cant find a church open. But other times I got this wall up and I am scared that bring it down will bring out more pain. I just dont know which way to turn or what to believe any more in relgion.

I have such a kind heart, I put others before me and basically love people and treat them like I want to be treated, I am the type to feel others pain with them. My heart is tender when it comes to my H, what he did is was so wrong, not because of reglious belief but to me plain old morals, but I really do think we both have done a wonderful job at repairing this marriage, I will find articles about it and get such a satisfaction that we seem to be doing everything right.

We do communicate alot, he hates to talk about it but he does realize that I do sometimes and he is there for me when I need too, he even picks up the feelings and will drag it out of me. But I dont want to nag him, and overall I forgive him, but still I feel something is missing, some void. I will drive by churches along my path to somewhere and sometime I will stop in front of them and stare at it, with a impulse to go in but sooooooooo scared too. I actually will break out into a sweat with the fear. And the times when I come running out I find the doors locked.

I am not perfect, I have my flaws, but overall I am a good person, I was raised in church, I believed in god, never went overboard and been a bible thumper, but I did believe in how to treat others, how to forgive, what is morally right and wrong. I have had to over come alot in my life, but never let it make me a cold hard person. So how come I found it in my heart to forgive my H for the affair, but I can't seem to break the wall and forgive God for my life???? How come it scares the jeebies out of me?

>How come it scares the jeebies out of me?

Fear of the unknown?

That's what kept me from Him for most of my life.

Fear of not being worthy....of knowing that as a human, I was pretty good, but never quite good enuf...once I came to grips that NO ONE is ever quite good enuf, but accepted nontheless it was A LOT EASIER to make my way to Him.

Oh Thunderstorm....I wish I could share the feeling of God in my life....it's a peace beyond understanding.

Let me tell you something....you don't need a church to have some quiet time with God.....my suggestion...and I really want you to try this....find a place in the house where you can be totally alone, no interuptions...the bathroom is excellent....turn off the lights (just so you don't get distracted) and talk to Him, tell Him how you feel, tell Him what you want, tell Him everything, ask Him to forgive you for your sins, ask Him to help....He listens...let it out...it may seem strange at first, but you'll find that you can't wait to get to that quiet time with just you and Him. He doesn't respond to you like people, he responds with your attitude, and things that happen in your life. Here are the three simple things you have to do in order to start your relationship with God:

Believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins
Accept Jesus as your Savior
Pray and ask for forgiveness

Believe, Accept, and Pray. It's so simple, but we make it soooo hard.


Then you have begun your one on one relationship with God...no church needed, no preacher needed, just you and God.

Now church is important, because it's always good to congregate yourself with other's who believe as you do...it is also a place to get direction, etc. This is an ongoing process, you have to believe, accept and pray everyday.

I'm sorry if this got long, and lord knows that I have my faults, but he has been carrying me through this mess, and so many other messes. God doesn't create our storms, we do...he just carries us through them.....

I hope you take me up on the quiet time....you deserve a relationship with someone who knows how to take the pain away.

I'll pray for you, and I hope you pray for me.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

hello all,

thanks cordilia for the info. im dying to know what you know right now. but ill be patient. so you think cs will happen fast because of her being on medical. she didnt get financial help. do you know how i would look it up? althogh i did say i wasnt going to obsess over it anymore, but its so hard. thanks for your help.

hi crazy,
thanks for letting me know. i understand how you feel about wanting to be there, it would be hard for me. right now h doesnt want to do anything without me. i told him i wont always be allowed, he didnt like that. its good that houses in your name. it is amazing how god watches out for us. it showsthat he knows all that is going to happen to us and how it will turn out long before we do. i went through a few years back, my grandma preparing her mineral rights to turn to grandchildren at time of her death. well, at first she had put all of our sposes names on it also. then i asked that she not do that cause id hate to see someone else get a part of that that wasnt family. she agreed and took all the spouses off. although i was concerned about x getting it. but god knew the whole time.
i also wanted to say to you that i liked what you said to thunderstorm it really made me feel good inside, and if i didnt already believe, you would have gotten me on my knees. god has special plans with you. im glad your here. ill be thinking of you.

thunderstorm, hello.

i know how you feel, i feel the same. i have a hard time keeping my mouth shut somtimes. its hard, i want to yell at him. what were you thinking, how could you put us through this again. see, hdd turned 18, finally we were at the end of cs. but noooooo, we get to do it for another 18 years. makes me so mad. but the thing i need to remember, as we all should, is im making the choice to stay with my h, i dont have to stay and go through this. our pastor reminded me, its not me that is being punished for what my h did, its h being punished i just made the choice to stay and go through it with him. it is a choice im making, because i love him and i did getr married for life, HOWEVER, my h knows this is it there is no other chance, i wont tolerate even the slightest thing.i choose to go through this, but not more then this. sorry for going on with this. i think i needed to say it to myself.
anyway all is normal, i should try biting my tonge more often, it doesnt help us for me to get mad at him. oh and give what crazy said a chance, god is amazing. i dont have time to go on right now but i have my own shutout god story id like to share with you sometime, but gotta go for now. take care of you.

bye all, imtswife