I suspect that he'll be back. That is the pattern I see over and over with people who start dating only to "remember" that they still aren't done with a previous relationship. My psycho came back not once but twice, and played me like a fiddle each time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

Yikes AGG~~and to think I am hoping for this?
I know where you're coming from though. You lived it, have moved on, and see it for what it is.

I on the other hand am in the thick of it, and hoping that he would call again. Call me crazy!

I have no feelings that he will call, but I suspect a month into re-entering his relationship, he will see that whatever the issues were before, will raise their ugly heads again.
I feel safe in saying that because I was the confused one in my old relationship. He claims something is pulling him back to her, and that he never gave it the chance he should have. He followed that up with, he may be making a mistake, but.....

Give me a hint? What was the timeline for her first run back to you after leaving for the bf she forgot she loved?

BTW~ how are things with you and G? Hope all is well.

K.

Karona,

The same thing happened to me with a guy I had dated...in fact it was almost identical with the time frame of dating him for a little over a month when he broke up with me because his exGF wanted to try again.

He came back about two months later, and I had moved on with my life and was dating someone else. I broke up with the guy I was seeing after him and got back together.

It then lasted about a year and a half before I broke up with him.

It does happen, and happens often but the important thing is to let him go...don't contact him, and get busy with your own life.

You can't wait for it to happen, but it very well might.

I would bet on three or four months tops, and after that you can assume that he isn't coming back.

But please, please don't wait for him, get busy, get happy...that is the key.

Interesting Weaver, that you experienced the same thing and same time frame. I'm about certain this woman caught wind that he was dating and came crawling/crying. They work together to top it all off!

I have no intention of sitting home waiting for him to call me. Right now, I have NO desire to date just because I've been hurt, not to mention, once again, I have dated the cream of the crop for where I live. The 3 guys I have went out with here are the best that my friends and I know of. Not a good place to be single.

I think IF he did call me someday, I would be gun shy, but again, I see so much potential in him, and that would probably override my fear.

Thanks for sharing.

Karona

Newly said:
Just thought this worth repeating!

You really are a special person, and FR is right, an inspiration to others.

What Newly said was so wonderful. It brought tears to my eyes. And thank you LT for your kind words. I really don't view myself as inspirational. I try to live honest and care for others. That is my main goal in this life.

I have went thru so many scenario's since Sat of what went wrong.
I think I've come to decide, its not so much about me as it is him. He is stuck in his previous relationship, and it wouldn't matter who I am, it wouldn't be enough.
That doesn't make me feel the greatest, but I have been there, do know the feelings.

Thanks for caring.
K.

You are an inspiration because there are others of us who are afraid to take the next step. I haven't been open to meeting anyone lately, and just being open to it is more than some of us can do.

We all deserve more than we had, and we will only get it when we are open to it.
It helps to have friends to get us through both the good and the bad times.

Keep moving ahead. You are modeling good behavior for your children, and for us.

Our future awaits . . . .

K:


Nothing you did (or didn't) do caused anything to go wrong!


Exactly. Very well said! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


I - for one am glad it didn't get into one of those "competition-scenarios"! Those type situations are always no-win for all involved. I know you think well of this fellow - however I am also glad that you know the truth; for no matter how bad the truth can hurt - it's much better than the alternatives!


Awesome statement! "Large" things await you K - you'll see. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

FR

(((Oh Karona)))

I have been gone all weekend and just got back and read this. When I did I was so shocked and my heart broke for you. I don't know that I have any words of wisdom that haven't already been said, but please know you are in my thoughts. You are an incredible woman who has supported me through many ups and down. You are an awesome mother to your darling daughters. Your time is coming, I just wish it could get here quicker than it has. Come to think of it, I wish the same for myself and many of us here!

Until then, trust in the fact that this is just a minor set back. Pat yourself on the back for all the growth you have shown. You opened your heart to this man, something you haven't been able to do up until now. This in itself is a huge accomplishment! Your heart feels broken right now, but as you know, it will heal, leaving you stronger for real love with the right person.

Hang in there hon. I wish we were closer so we could be talking in person.

Take care and God bless!

K

Thanks Newly!
Until this guy, I wasn't ready to step out there. I've been out with a few other guys, but I left my heart at home. This time, I put it out there. And OUCH! Hurts so bad.
Ever so thankful for my friends here and also where I live.

FR~
No, no competing for me. If I wasn't what he desired what would I win? No win in that!

I'll be looking forward to the "Large" time. We've talked about this before. I had those feelings...
....breathless, and excited, and I desired him, and......UGH....
That would be why it hurt like heck.

Thanks Bud!
K.

Thanks for the hug Still.

I know its a shock, it was to me too. He seemed very eager and excited about me. He even mentioned about doing things into the future, or a trip he just passed up and had he known we would be dating, he would have taken me.

I guess his memory caught up with him.
I know where he's at, and that's why I don't have bad feelings towards him. He is so where I was a year ago. Trapped in something and so afraid to move out of the comfort zone. And I know from me, no one could budge me because of those feelings.

I just hope he doesn't hurry up and marry her. I really don't see it lasting for them only because of what he had told me about their relationship. But, as I well know, he could very easily do that. Has happened before.

I wish so much wonderful for you too Still. The greatest thing to all of this crap is, we all here are in it together. We all know the "stuff" so well and can really relate to each other.

Thanks for caring and your kind thoughts.

K!

K,

It could also be HE needed to meet YOU and have that wonderful relationship with you, not just so that you could learn to feel alive again, but more because he may have never known what a REALLY GREAT relationship was before he met you.

It could be that his going back to her, will show him even more what He had with you, maybe looking to see if the qualities you brought to the relationship can be found in her. I'm sure they can't be, or he wouldn't have left her to begin with <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Add me to the list of people whose dating partner left to go back to former girlfriends, My current husband and I ended things numerous times when we dated, so that he could 'figure out' if it's what he wanted, each of the breakups ended in both of us growing and preparing us for our eventual marriage.

We've been married for just over two years now, and though things aren't always 'perfect' and we have our issues, we have a pretty great relationship, one that was built over time and hurts, that made us each stronger and more willing to really look at problem areas as they come up because it's a relationship built on 'wanting to be in it' and not on the rose colored glasses of youth.

Thanks for sharing TR! Interesting that you have the same story, and went on to marry. I would for sure be interested in dating him again IF.......
I'm not holding my breath though. I'm trying to move on, learn, and prepare for the next journey in life.

You know, I did tell him I enjoyed my time with him, and I wished him well.
I meant it from the bottom of my heart when I said it, and still do now.

He taught me something too.
I often wondered if my heart was big enough for someone else's children. I have so much love for my own, but I wasn't sure if I could open my heart enough. I found in being around his two children that I had a huge amount of care/concern/admiration and felt that it would have been very easy to love them.

Even though I have heartache, there are positives out of it.
I have peace that I finally got to meet him, and your right. Maybe he needed to meet me also. He had been told about me too, and also said he had interest before he had been told of me.

Which brings me to the next big ?. He was making these observations while he was dating her???? But yet, went back. Who knows.

Thank you and congratulations!

K.

And I believe that is something he will remember, that you appreciated him.

I'd suggest you focus on the positives of what you learned about yourself like what you want in a relationship and what you don't want in a relationship.

Please don't get sucked into believing that there are no quality men in your area other than a 'few' you've already met. Granted I don't know how small a town you live in, but I'm sure there are some single men in your area you have yet to meet.

What activities are you doing now, that you haven't done in the past?

What places are you going now, that you haven't gone in the past?

What about the next town or city over?

Where could you go to meet new people and expand your network of friends?

And would some of the friends you have now, be willing to go explore them with you?

One of my bestfriends met her current husband at a bar she and I went to one night, she and I don't frequent the bar scene, and just wanted to get out of the house and do something. He and his brother happened to be in town for a Nascar Race, and this was the closest town they could get a hotel room. They exchanged phone numbers and well two years later they married. Had we not gone out that night, they never would have met, because he lived in another state.

The point being, don't be afraid to go places you wouldn't typically go, because you may just meet that special person.

It doesn't even have to be a bar, it could be a store in the next town over, or a fund raising event, and with the political campaigns starting up in the next few months, you could volunteer at your favorite candidates campaign headquarters (if that is something that sparks your interest).

I love stories like that, TR. It lets me know that I'm not in the driver's seat and I just need to live my life the best I can. There are definitely guidelines, but no sure fire formula when it comes to dating and relationships!

Karona, you really are a strong and loving woman and it comes across in the acceptance and self-confidence you're demonstrating through this. In time, I'm sure you'll find yourself in a wonderful new relationship with a great guy.

Oh LT~ There is weakness, I can assure you. Today is a weaker day for me. But honestly, with these life lessons of hurt, it makes me determined that when I do find myself with someone special, I want to be the ultimate best I can be. Sweet revenge? maybe, but it will be a good way to live life.

Thanks TR for the reminders. You are right, while I live in a very small town, everyone pretty much knows of everyone, there are outlying areas. I do need to broaden my horizons. I like your ideas.

Thanks both of you for thinking of me today.
K.