He is up and down. He has been great lately with us and helping more around the house and doing things for me, but after receiving the RO yesterday, it threw him into a tail spin and now he just walks around with the WORRIED, SCARED look on his face. He keeps commenting that she is going to try to set him up to be arrested. It is just like 3 months ago when she made threats to him and came through with every one of them. I think he is really scared right now. And, I am too. I don't know her and what she is capable of. I have never seen her, so I wouldn't know if she walked up to me...

Thank you for the kind post..I will do my best <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Just a few ideas about combating OW and your husband avoiding being arrested for some cockamammy story made up by OW:

1. Camera Phone - many have video also and a chip for extra memory. You should both be carrying one to photo and video any sightings of OW or future potential interactions (do not get out of the car without it ON and ready to go...be prepared for an ambush...on my phone I could be select video and hit one button to begin recording immediately);

1(a) - if you have a video camera at the house have it unpacked, charged and ready to go sitting by the front door to record any harrasment or drive by.

2. Can husband carpool with someone to and from work? A buddy adds another witness to the mix as OW will likely make the report to fall in the time period she knows he is going to or leaving work alone;

3. WH goes no where alone for the time being. Grocery store, gas station, etc. either you go alone or you both go.

4. Disconnect home land line and go completely wireless. No more disturbing OW calls (and no more telemarketers too an added bonus).

5. If husband has to drive anywhere alone the two of you should have unlimited cell phone to cell phone minutes in most shared plans...call each other and leave the line open and on speaker phone the entire time. You don't even have to talk but you'll have documentation that you two were on the phone at the specific time she made a complaint against him.

6. Seek legal assistance with this matter. Don't sweep it under the rug. You two teaming up to beat down OW is a valuable benefit towards reconciliation. Let WH see how strong you are to NOT allow OW to affect you. Be the person, wife, mother you choose to be and do not react to OW. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

Yes, this happened to me.

In fact, our restraining order expires in 2 months, and the OW has made it clear to us that once it expires, we will be at her mercy. She still wants revenge.

Document everything. Ignore her....do not give into the temptation to confront her. It will only boost her ego. If you and your husband "join forces", you'll be more effective in resisting her efforts to tear you apart.

Pepperband, Orchid and Dealan-de have excellent advice in dealing with psycho's. I can only tell you what I went through and my advice may be based on bitterness, not practicality.

I know that I didn't help much, but if you need any more advice, I'll do my best. Who knows....I may be going down the same road as you in a couple of months. ??? Hatred never dies, it seems, according to the OW in my situation.

Thank you MrWondering for the great advice. I just want so badly to beat her at her own game. She had left VM's on my Husbands cell phone, but after 30 days they are deleted automatically. We didn't know that until it was to late. That was our only evidence that she called and made comments that he broke up with her and that he will regret his decision and how mad she was that he was ignoring her and not taking her calls at work. All we have are some emails from when this first happened. Here are the emails she sent:

1/5/06 3:27pm- Thank you for hanging up on me......I will see you tonight for my shirt and then go from there...this is all your fault this time......

1/5/06 3:28pm-Whatt ime does swimming get out? I need to know what time to be expecting you so im home....Let me know, otherwise i will call the req center and ask
them...

1/5/06 3:43pm-if i dont get my shirt tonight, i will have made up my mind...jsut so you know!

1/5/06 3:57pm-Swim gets over at 8:30 and i know will ahve something to do at home before you come over so i will expect you after 9:00 then.....thats all i want is
the shirt

1/10/06 10:01am-
As per the stalking order i am filing, i need to have record that i have asked you to have no contact with me and that all contact you have with me is unwanted....I am again notifing you on email and keeping a copy for my records that i am asking you to not call me, email me, drive by my house, stop outside my house, touch my property, or come by my work...I want nothing to do with you, we are over and you need to let me move on and be happy..The previous phone calls telling you we are over and i dont want to be with you have not been documented so this is your formal notification that any further contact with me or my property is considered stalking and will reported to the police per my stalking order....PLease just let me move on and be happy and leave me alone.....
Thank You

1/12/06 12:20pm-Just wanted to let you know that i am getting married and wanted to tell you over the phone instead of write it but you wont take my call.....i just
wanted you to know so we can put all this behind us and just move on.....I want you to be happy for me and put all this behind you and let me go....You take care and i hope you have everything you've ever wanted and are happy and are as in love as i am and i had no idea i could feel like
this...I hope you can put all this behind you and you can be happy for me and we can get on with our lives......there is alot of things i want to say but you wont give me the chance and too much has happened for words i guess.....Just wanted you to know before you read about it in the papers
and wanted to tell you over the phone but this is as good as i can do.....Take care and good luck in the future and just know i am so happy and in love and jsut want all this terrible stuff between us to be over......

That's all the emails that we have. If she broke it off with him, than why was she contacting him over and over and one minute she tries to see him for a shirt and then when he won't respond she threatens him and then says going to file a stalking order, and then tells him she is getting married and hope they can be friends and put it all behind them????? WHATEVER...

Now 3 months later files a restraining order against him that he is threatening her and her family??

You tell me, do we have a leg to stand on with these emails, or are they to vague...

You've got good evidence that she's looney and could likely beat any rap in court, however, if he gets stopped or picked up anywhere near her on say a friday and some uncaring police officer gets involved he could stew in jail till monday awaiting a court hearing. Not likely and he should be carrying copies of the silly email as well as an explaining letter of all facts and circumstances signed by you and him with your cell phone number on it so he has documentation to give the police officer.

Tell you though....Mr. Beauty...STAY AWAY FROM OW. I had a client years ago that promised me she was so done with her boyfriend and wanted to know how to respond to a restraining order. I told her no need to worry about the lies and false representations in there as long as you STAY AWAY. We just wrote a letter, she paid me and a month later she's in jail for showing up at his work. Mr. Beauty, do not be suckered into any encounter with this woman. She may try anything to get to meet her...don't be a sucker. That Beauty is your greatest risk. All the precautions in the world won't help if Mr. Beauty doesn't watch himself and let you help him watch himself.

Mr. Wondering

OMG Mr. Wondering. That U2 song is one of my favorites from them. Your's and everyone's advice is much appreciated. I will do my best to keep ignoring her and I will keep on my husband how important it is now to never contact her or see her at all. We have camera phones and unlimited cell to cell, so I will definately take your advise. I feel better now that I can truly say she is psycho right? I hope that she does not do something terrible to me or him or the kids. So far ignoring her has got her even more angry. I forgot to tell you that on the same day we filed the RO on her, she was trying to do the same to him in a different county. It was denied in three minutes. I am surprised that she was able to have it approved 3 months later. She made up stuff to tell the police and the judge, so I wouldn't put it past her to set up my husband to get her revenge......

Has anyone called HR on this lunatic?

Sounds like the OW is a cousin to PBR (OW in my case). YIKES! She is a nutcase.

PBR accused me of being a lesbian, having an A with my FIL and abusing my child and H. Hm... that was before I met her in court. Yea, the OW filed false RO charges and they were enforced by the temporary judge who didn't read the case b4 he tried it. She walked into the courtroom with a binder about 5" thick with e-mails between them. LOL!!! She even had her trusty tape recorder..... What a nut. The judge said that even though he didn't read all the info for the hearing he was ruling for the RO just to make sure BOTH sides stayed away from each other. Victory for the BS. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Call HR.

L.

She's emailing this stuff b/c SHE KNOW YOU ARE READING IT. Just 2 weeks ago VD left a voicemail on our phone "for the Wookie" saying she can't let him give her rides anymore...when I KNOW in my heart that he'd rather chop off his own arms than to do anything for her...so who was that message really for????? You got it.

The OW in your sitch and mine turned out to be real live bunny boilers, huh?

Do not allow yourself to get worked up over this kind of emotional extortion. She's counting on it...she's hoping that if in some off chance you kick his butt to the curb, she'll be there with open arms....BLECH!

Beauty,

If OW is getting married, how about getting copies of her emails to the lucky fiance, if he exists.

If I were you, I would insure that all your email accounts have blockers set up to stop her incoming emails. Also, how about getting new cell phone numbers as well.

Have you and FWH sent a NC letter to her. If you haven't, you probably should and send it registered return confirmation so that you can prove it was delivered to OW.

Both you and Mr. Beauty need to exercise extreme caution and make sure the he isn't actually doing anything she is claiming like calling or driving by etc. If he is, and I'm not even suggesting he is, and she comes up with any proof, he will lose all credibility with the police and everyone else.

I really am sorry this is happening, the aftermath of infidelity is hard enough when OP is completely out of the picture and the area. I thank God every day that FOW lives 3000 miles away and once she realized that FWH was not going to start up with her again, she gave up immediately and we never heard from her again.

Who

I have never seen her, so I wouldn't know if she walked up to me...

I think you should know what she looks like for your own and childrens safety...

ARK^^

WM - The OW has a RO against Mr. Beauty. To contact her in ANY way can be a breech of the RO.

Mrs. Beauty,

Please listen to what Ark says. You NEED to know what she looks like. How can you protect yourself and your babies otherwise?

- Kimmy

Yeah I am not talking about contact..
I am talking about being educated and prepared...

ARK

I agree with everyone else...you NEED to find out what she looks like, so you can be prepared.

I'm not saying that she'll cause you physical harm, but you never know. I don't mean to scare you further, but you need to watch your back. Either she's just trying to scare you (all bark and no bite), or she's truly evil and wants revenge.

It's quite obvious that you're dealing with someone who's got mental issues. You don't happen to live in the midwest, do you? Your OW and mine could be twins. My OW said alot of the same things, almost word for word. Hmmmm (my OW pulled the same stunt on another man before my husband...the poor guy is a total wreck)

One minute she doesn't want anything to do with you. The next minute, she's rejecting you, or trying to make you feel sorry for her. Just a childish game. This way, she feels as if she's in control. This is exciting for her, it fills her need to feel important, wanted, and powerful.

I would save anything that has to do with her, especially recording her voice mails onto a cassette tape. Be patient for a bit, gather evidence and then see a general practice attorney. Document your activities, and even go as far as having one of your friends keep tabs on you, in case the OW accuses either of you of doing something. You'll have a witness, at least.

What part of "it's over" don't these people understand?

>What part of "it's over" don't these people understand?

The part where they DON'T get to ride off into the sunset after wrecking your life.

Thanks for all the advise. Keep it coming:0) I just want to say that we did have some voice mails but they got deleted from the cell phone company after 30 days and they said there was no way to retrieve them. You should have heard those!

Last night H went to the store and I made him call my cell from his cell and talk to me the whole time he was gone..Just in case. I know she used to watch us because my H left to the store one night for about 10 mins and the next day he received a vm from her saying that he did something to her or her stuff and was calling the police, she wasn't specific, but she was specific about the time frame. Exactly when H was gone.So I know she was watching our house to know that he left.

Also, we can't send her the letter because now she has an RO on H and we can't contact her in anyway.

SHOULD H CONTEST THE RO?? He swears on his mothers grave that he has not contacted her since we got an RO on her and that everything she claims is untrue..I believe him. Is it worth him going to court and confronting her? I think it is worth it to prove to her that H and I aren't going to take anymore of her crap.. Also. should we call an Attorney about her slandering him at his work. She first called his boss and said she was a patient of his and over heard him on the phone saying that he was worried about his review because he was taking drugs (she would not leave her name). Then two days later she called his boss again and said she was a patient of his and that he had sex with her in his office..the boss (luckily) had talked to H about the first call and new about her the 2nd time. He asked her more ?'s and her name, but she refused.

Do you think that is Slander for her to have called his boss suggesting he was a drug user and having sex with a patient? We asked the police officer about it and he said we can't prove it was her that called his boss..

Today H is more angry acting. He is not talking much and I know he is worried. When I try to talk to him about it, he says he doesn't want to. He apologized to me again last night and said he was sorry that what he did is still hurting me and the family so much. I hope he snaps out of it soon. I told him to contest the RO if what he says is true. At first I thought the RO from her was good because he wouldn't be able to contact her, but now I feel it is just a set up to get back at him in a legal way somehow. I don't know what to think, H let's her get to him and it makes me feel uncomfortable and yes..Jealous,angry,hurt and depressed. Writing about and hearing your replies really helps. Thanks

Can you imagine the guilt and pressure right now?

I've seen it firsthand.

It's huge.

Let him brood...but if his brooding lasts more than an evening, THEN try to talk about it.

It's a lot to chew on and swallow to realize you've put your family in jeapordy like that.

Would your dear husband (dh) be open to coming here?

There are A LOT of helpful souls here.

- Kimmy

I told him that I have been on this site to get some help and let him know about the great advise that everyone is giving me. I will ask him if he want's to go on and see if he can get some help, but, I do not want him to read my posts. I like to be able to speak freely about the situation. He might get upset that I have posted her emails or that I have written in such detail. He is still acting the same today. Today, when I talked to him on the phone, he has no personality and is still brooding. He only talks to me for a few minutes and that is to just check in with me. He sounds like a robot..

You've alluded to him being a med. professional...but has he SEEN one?

This constant cycle of fear and anger is a hard ride to step off of...ESPECIALLY if he's been riding it for so long.

The only way he can help his family is by taking care of himself...THEN he can take care of you all.

- Kimmy