I'm pretty tight with her parents. I would say I'm tighter with them than I am with my own. Before yesterday, I had not spoken with anyone to vent, except for here and with WW and I sitting in front of a chaplain. WW said she had talked to her parents and sister as well as her boss and a couple of co-workers. (See previous post "Am I nuts?")

As tight as I am with WW parents, she's extremely close to them.

I told her I thought it was good that she had someone to vent things out to and she told me I could vent to her parents about any of this I wanted.

So, I called her mom yesterday because I know I can talk to her without being judged. Well, it turns out that "marital trouble" was the extent of what WW had told her parents. I spent a half hour on the phone with her mom talking about some of the things I was feeling, what I was responsible for in the condition of our marriage and the committments I had made to change my bad habits. I thanked her for her support and asked her to pray for me. She told me she loved both of us and would support us.

Now, WW comes home from work and we're talking. I asked her if she was sure about the blood type of our youngest son. I had actually looked in DS 6yr med records to find it. She said she was sure. I told her we didn't need to do a paternity test unless she wanted to know who the father was because I'm AB+ and WW is O- and DS 6yr is O+. That's genetically impossibly.

I let WW know that this didn't change the way I feel about her or my family. I told her I loved her and I was going to fight for us. She turned away from me and started to cry and I let her. She asked if I was ok. Here comes the Radical Honesty part.

I told WW I felt better after I had spoken to her mother earlier in the day. WW asked if I had told her mother about DS 6yr and I said I had. What started out as a hint of compassion and clearing out of the fog turned into fogginess and resentment and self entitlement. It started with "How could you do this to me?" and ended with "Go away!" So, I left her alone.

WW talked with her mom on the phone afterward, no doubt attempting damage control. WW came into the masterbedroom, laid down facing away from me and began the conversation with, "I hate you." I did not respond.

Next WW started accusing me of trying to hurt DS 6yr, which is absolutely insane. I told her I wasn't trying to hurt anyone. I was fighting for my family. I did not apologize for talking to her parents. WW thinks that telling DS 6yr will cause him to hate us and he must never know. I told her that at 6 years old he won't know, but before he takes biology in Jr. High School and learns about blood types and figures it out for himself, either we would tell him together or I would tell him myself.

In her hurt and anger she just could not see that this kind of information would never be secret forever. At some point, he will find out the truth. I told WW better that he respect us for telling him and respecting him enough to tell him than hating us for not telling him and finding out from his biology teacher. At this point, she grabbed her pillow and blanket and slept in the office. Her choice.

When WW alarm went off at 04:30 this morning, I got up, knocked on the office door and told her that her alarm was going off. She got ready for work. I confirmed our lunch plans that we had made earlier in the week and she agreed. She's still upset and mad as a wet hen, but she did NOT tell me she hated me this morning.

WW left for work, I cleaned up her bedding out of the office and put it all away. If WW wants to sleep in the office again tonight, she'll have to get it all out again.

Since D Day, 3-29-06 I have made committments to change my annoying behaviors and have kept them (to include stopping smoking), I am making home a safe place to be and I am becoming a spouse she wants to come home to. If this doesn't work out, it's not because I didn't try.

As far as I know, there has been NC between WW and OM since 3-30-06. We're going to sit down with the kids DS (step son)14yr, DD 10yr, DS 6yr tonight and tell them age appropriate information individually so they understand what is going on.

The kids will know that none of it is their fault and none of it changes the way their parents love them. They will also know that the mistakes that WW and I made to bring us to this point in our relationship are wrong and unacceptable.

This is my PLAN A. What do you think and what next?

Our first therapy session in tomorrow afternoon. STD panel was run on me on Mon 4-3-06. So far, cultures have come back negative. Still have 11 days to wait on HIV.

Drexxell, I am amazed by the maturity and compassion you displayed in HOW you exposed. I am a FWW, and my H too has been quite compassionate. I cannot really offer you insight into your next line of action, but let me commend how maturely you have handled everything in light of the pain you must be feeling.

Thank you for your comments. The pain is indeed unique. My marriage is not "garden variety" as I read in an earlier post. Remind me to thank the person who's verbage I'm using. It's one pain to find out that yous spouse has had multiple affairs. It's quite another pain to discover that your DS of 6 1/2 years isn't yours at all.

I believe that pain, when refocused, can become a positive healing energy and one heck of a motivator. I'm also a FWH about 10 years ago. One night thing, still feel bad about doing it. One night, shoot, it was 20 minutes.

WW and I have trust issues that stem from this time frame as well. When I confessed my infidelity that night to BW, within an hour she confessed an infidelity to me. Being BS and WS at the same time sends your emotions on a confusing wild goose chase.

We should have gotten help then, but declared an amnesty and moved on. For anyone else reading, there is no such thing as amnesty after infidelity. You put your quarter in the juke box, now you have to listen to the tunes. I'm finding out the hard way 10 years after the fact that ignoring it is a big no no.