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#1629859 04/06/06 07:41 AM
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I need to vent here and I know all of you understand. My STBXH texted me yesterday asking for the keys to his truck (I have a spare) He came over this morning I gave them to him and also the spare that I had to his sports car. Well as I looked outside as he was leaving I noticed he was driving a new truck. It just gets me becuase when it comes to toys he gets what he wants, but when it came to anything responsible for the household nada. I am just so angry right now. I really want to punch something (and I am not a physical person) I have been doing a lot of reading and in a realtionship men want to take on the responsibilities (providing for the household, and such). I mean I also do age with working together, but it's like he never wanted to take on ANY. I would tell him when I didn't want to do something or wanted help, but nothing. Today just brings up anger. TOYS TOYS TOYS. You know I would have liked to have things to play with as well! Oh and it gets me becuase we seperated all the bills, thinking it would be better that way, but my income is 2x less then his, but he would never help out and it never was 50/50. Man I just want to get this anger out and move on. I don't get it. Men want to be the 'kings' of the house and we give them every oppertunity to and they fail!!!!!!!!!

Well thanks for listening.

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Keep reading. People who aren't responsible are immature. Think of him as a younger age. (If there is substance abuse, this would be at the age this began, say drinking at 17). Many people are emotionally immature.
Read all you can. Don't focus on the anger because it can consume you.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
newly #1629861 04/06/06 12:00 PM
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My STBXW just pulled up to her attorney's office Tuesday with a brand new BMW 530i.

Just try laugh if off. It obviously has nothing to do with you but a lot to do with him.


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Anger is a natural reaction when someone has taken advantage of you, especially if that person seem to continue to do so regularly!

My stbxh is pretty preoccupied with his toys too. They just seem to get more and more expensive each year and when we separated, he was 'forced' to pay his credit card and other debts. His card maxed out about five years ago and the bank is now looking for him to reposess his BMW. He lied about other accumulated debts too. This isn't new... it has been happening without my knowledge all through the seven years of our marriage, and he earns twice as much as I do. He rarely pays major purchases, giving the excuse that he is broke that month, and only pays for small items like grocery or telephone bills. He is very edgy when our fights hints of him being a parasite.

I am thankful that we split the bills during the marriage. I now own the marital home because I paid the mortgage and I have all the furniture and electrical items. On the other hand, when he left, I demanded that he pay all his other debts owing to our shared lives, or declare bankrupt.

Immaturity, along with a high sense of entitlement, selfishness, low self esteem all lead to stbxh's purchases and bad debts. I also look at stbxh with a little sadness-- obviously, he is burying his pain with these goods, not resolving it.

He lost his marriage and all the material comforts of the home when he left. All his past affairs failed too. He lost respect and trust from his wife, and he must have lost some dignity with his family too. But on the outside, he looks groovy and happy with the BMW that he could barely afford, his new clothes and whatever other toys he parades around with.

I would say look around you, missingsomething. God has blessed you in other areas of your life I am sure. Be strong.

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boy, all of our h's sure sound the same. mine is very materialistic and his ow is too. it is all about them and what they want no matter what the cost. she has to have the best of everything. and he likes to try and keep up with the jones' that is for sure. S E L F I S H ... that is what they are. After I made him leave last year from all the a's, etc,.. money was very tight as I am in school full time and was not working. I am now in school and working 2 part time jobs but playing catch up from getting behind last year is not easy. I lost my car because I could not afford to keep it. Meanwhile my h has a truck, a car, and a motorcycle. yup. think he would give me a vehicle. nope. rubbed my face in the fact I could not afford to keep mine. that is how they are. f**king selfish. He has no money but I sure see him wearing all kinds of new clothes and sneakers. but he has no money. He just got a new contract through the state after not having one for 3 years. his pay will go up 11% which will adjust my child support. He also gets a retroactive check for 10 years on the job because he had no contract. my children are entiteld to 25% of that 9500 dollar check and you know what he said to me? He won't give us any, if I want that money I will have to fight for it (petition the courts) which I will do as it is for the kids. But you see, selfish. He wants to go and play with that money.

So yes, I know your anger. I just don't let it get to me anymore. I breathe and go the legal route. I make sure every dime he has my children get their share of. Every raise, every bonus. I have enuff friends who work in his job who keep me posted. No point in getting mad, I just make sure we get our share. It is better than fighting with him. and it works everytime. Your h probably buys all that stuff because he is trying to feel happy. My h is miserable. I know he buys "stuff" because he thinks it will fill the emptiness inside but it's only temporary. True happiness is a choice, not a new truck or sports car. mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Quote
Men want to be the 'kings' of the house and we give them every oppertunity to and they fail!!!!!!!!!

I think you mean your man wanted to be king of your house and you gave him every opportunity and he failed.


and I knew then that I would have to live, and go on living: what a sorrow it was; and still what sorrow burns but does not destroy my heart --Jane Kenyon
mikeb9 #1629865 04/08/06 07:59 PM
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don't let his crap become your crap. i am still letting my stbxw get me ticked, just in smaller does and less frequently. again, this should be about you moving on and becoming happy.


I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be (my) style.
Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.
gekko #1629866 04/09/06 01:14 AM
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Dear MissingSomething,

Getting angry is OK. Make sure you have a safe 'outlet' (like venting here in MB!). But never let your anger stay with you too long. It's unhealthy and you have to learn to treat yourself better, like gekko said, move on and be happy.

It's difficult at first, to let go of the financial 'security' we have come to expect from our spouses. But well, I see it as an exchange for my mental and emotional well-being. Although I don't earn as much as stbxh, I can still live comfortably. The bank don't call me every week!!

RuffledNOT #1629867 04/09/06 12:57 PM
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It's interesting...I left my home to get my wife's attention. I am happy to be free of the RANCOR and recently sent her a letter telling her, "I would sell the house, my toys, and give the shoes on my feet" if she could "look me in the eyes and tell me should would do the same for our marriage". No Answer...as she travels the country at volleyball tournaments with the kids. Toys come in many different forms...


FWH 50 BS 50 S 12 D 16,20 DOM 08/1983 Divorce final 7/19/07
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You are all very correct. I didn't hold onto the anger. I vented here at MB!

I do totally agree that he is just trying to find happiness and now I say so be it. He is choosing that path.

RuffledNOT: You nailed it on the dot with your last comment. I am going to say that everytime something comes up.

Thanks again for all your comments.


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