Post deleted by colddayinJuly

You might not want to hear from me, but here goes....

I thought child support was a percentage of H pay and to supply health insurance.
Now if she chooses to send child to priviate school, I think that is all up to her. Has anyone SAID that you have to pay this?

As far as Christmas. I can understand not wanting the child to be away from "her" house on christmas eve/christmas because of the whole santa clause thing....Sounds silly, but I refuse to go anywhere for christmas...because of this reason.....least she is willing to share her after christmas, maybe you should say that you get her every year the day after christmas till school starts.

What does your H say about all of this?

Deleted, just in case. Thanks for the input guys.

colddayinjuly,
I live in NY, so I'll share my experiences with you.

Joint Custody - when xH and I got divorced, I wanted sole custody of my DD ... MY attorney said no ... I would have to show and prove to the court that xH was not a suitable parent - so => joint custody
When OW and xH went to court, the dummy (xH) did not want to fight for Joint Custody because she didn't want Joint custody ... guess what ... it was not up to them ... the judge decided it was joint custody.

Holidays - this should be worked through court too ... at what age is apporpriate to OC to travel for Holidays ...
things will be pretty much 'standard' - every other holiday ... OW gets OC for this Xmas, your H does for next year ... with the exceptions of Mother's day and Father's day where the child will be with the mother or the father respectively.

Keep looking for a lawyer that deals with these cases ... please do it now before she moves ...
Everything you do, do it through court ... do not accept verbal agreements in good faith that they are going to happen ...

ok I hope I get this all right, this is my understanding from all the legal advice forums that I have read. Might want to get it clearified just to make sure it was right.

On the school thing, the father can be made to pay it but that is if there was a divorce and children were in private school before the divorce, they say that children should not have to change schools just because the parents divorced. But in situtations in ours he will not be forced to pay it.

The christmas thing tho I do understand it but it is not unreaaonable, alot of children do have to do it that way to make it fair to both parents. It is really up to the judge and I got a feeling you will win that one.

On her moving, did you know that your H can refuse to let her move, she cannot move without his persmission? Even if there is no visitation set up she still needs to have his permission to move. As long as he is the father and has made somewhat attempt to pay CS it is his child and still needs to give persmission. I cant even begin to tell you how many cases I have read that said, mother has full custody, father never sees child, behind in CS and they want to move for one reason or nothing, better job, new hubby is being transfered, closer to family etc.... and the dads said no, each case the advice was the mother can move yes but the child couldnt.

My H and I have NC, and there are a number of reasons why, but why does the OW get to be "willing" to do anything. I don't understand that. He is the child's father. His say is just as important as hers. (Blu, I used your quote, but I'm not talking to you directly)...I have heard this often, and it baffles me. She runs nothing unless you allow it. That is why it is imperative to get these things done through court.

Post deleted by colddayinJuly

I would have to agree with the judge's decision.
Just because your H wants more time with the child shouldn't decide whether she should move or not. Is her moving creating a better environment for the child?

The judge always thinks in the best interest of the child. Not on the basis of the mother or father of the child. The child itself.

SO I only beg of you to reverse postitons...what if it was your child? What if you and your H were divorced? Would you let what he wants prevent you from moving...etc?

There is no right answer.

I would think that it wouldn't be easy to share a child....but this IS the sitiation you are in.

I commend you for wanting contact with this child and for supporting your H in it....and also fighting for it.

Uh, if I reversed positions, then I would have an illegitimate child w/a married man,mmmm can't see it,sorry.

Um, OK....NO!

I didn't mean switch positions as far as you having a child with a married man....DUH!

And I think you know that.

and the best interest of the child is to be taken father away from a father that is trying to be in its life, miles makes bonds are harder?? I am surprised that the judge ok it, have heard from so many that finacially it benefited the mother to move for a job but father contested it and won.

Lets really change it around now..... what if your spouse has custody of your child..... your really involved in child life and your spouse decides to move clear across the country. Is it fair to you and your child that you now cant make all the soccer games every Saturday mornings like you had been, you going to fly in every 9 weeks for teacher conferences? Those are the things that matter the most to a child. Is having their dad there for the little things.

Thunderstorm, I am 100% with you.

Very good, I did know that. But, you are comparing apples to oranges with the other situation. Of course what my H wants (whether divorced or not) would matter to me. As an OW her only concern is her child that she decided to have and raise by herself...oh, of course she wants H money too.

No, the judge can't pick the best case scenario for the child, if mother is unwilling to negotiate, he has to pick the lesser of the evils. The BEST for this child is to have a relationship w/father/mother and siblings. It is OW choice to take child away from father and siblings, NOT the judges.