Yes, I am overwhelmed with doubts. WH still very nice with me, spending lots of time with me, sharing with me a lot of his feelings......

Just cant tell a real recovery from a fake...... that's why the doubts.

Being philosophical here....... let's assume there's still some goodness in WH, that maybe WH truly intends this breakoff with OW to be real WH said for the first time. "Family is most important" that's why WH is giving up core biz so that there will be complete NC

......... but the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak........circumstances may lead to WH caving in to temptations. Cant imagine WH's reactions when the harsh realities of biz hardship sets in??? Maybe many false recoveries started off genuinely by WS as tot NC but temptations & circumstances got the better of WS along the way.....

How to strengthen the flesh? How to resist temptations? Going away for the initial 3 weeks is recommended & is ideal but we cant practically.

We are only trying to be together more, movies, dinners, drinks etc and we are still doing so. But the uncertainty of biz viability hangs over us like a dark cloud....... these worries are great party spoilers.

WH is now updating me all activities daily, we are planning to spend some time with the kids too, maybe a weekend trip....

While wary if WH's pledge of NC with OW is for real, will last, I just enjoy our times together now. I do not have 100% trust but am not mopping around though. Just living it up with all WH is able to give in terms of time, attention etc

endofworldnomore

bump

*up*

*pop*

up cos this thread saved my sanity & marriage

these letters were really helpful to read. I've saved them for future reference. Thank you

up

hello newbies

plan B up

[color:"red"]Eve's Plan B letter [/color]

hey sis

i'm glad that my letter gave you some ideas. since jennifer wrote most of it, I should probably call it "her" letter.

i'm not sure where you found it but i'm pretty sure that when i posted it last, i left off the beginning and middle since i was just giving them some ideas about how to include your intentions to meet the needs that were not met in the past. The ending talks about how to contact me.

i'm going to re-post it here so that you can check.

the only thing that i do wonder if i should have done differently....the ending of the letter sounds like i'm saying "take all the time you want....i'll wait around forever"

not that it doesn't already feel like i am

but i wonder if thinking that you may NOT wait around forever is a better message....but i have it written as jennifer suggested
*********************

My Dearest XXX,

What I am about to say comes from my heart and it is the most difficult thing that I’ve ever had to do in my life.

I love you with all of my heart. Even with all that has happened, I still consider you my best friend, I still believe that you are the most wonderful man I’ve ever known, I am still so very emotionally and physically attracted to you, and I still believe that we are meant to spend forever together. However, every time I see you or talk to you part of my heart is torn because I want so much for things to be different. I want so much more than you are willing to give to me right now.

I want you to know that I am so sorry for my part in creating the environment that helped to make this affair possible. I deeply regret that I did not give you the time, attention, and affection that you needed to be happy. I am desperately hoping that one day you will forgive me and allow us to create a new future together.

During the past year and a half, I have been learning what a marriage should be and I’ve tried to show you love, protection and care in the limited time that we’ve had together. I have learned so many important things. It’s like a light bulb came on for me and I now know what is needed to make our marriage a happy, loving and supportive place to be. I have made so many changes. Some you may have noticed and some you have yet to discover. Most importantly I have learned that there isn’t anybody or anything as important to me as you are.

Whatever problems we had, I am confident that we can overcome them and that we can create a new lifestyle that allows us to spend time together meeting each others needs so that we can both be happy. I imagine a new life together, maybe moving closer to our families so that we can spend time with them as we’ve always wanted to do, enjoying our two furry boys and considering getting more members for our little pack, spending time doing new things together and with friends….. making new memories.

I have tried so hard to stay connected to you even under these extremely difficult circumstances and I treasure every contact that we have. However, the current situation has become too excruciating for me to endure. Knowing that you are with someone else tears me to pieces. At times the thoughts are unbearable. Yet I still have hope that one day we can truly recover the good times we have had and create a new life together that represents total commitment to each other, caring about and meeting each other’s needs, protecting each other’s feelings, complete honesty, and spending time together.

So I’m asking you to please understand that I need to protect my feelings for you so that if you decide to give our marriage a new chance, I will still love you and want to try again. The only way I can think of to do this is to end all contact with you until your affair has ended. I say this with tears in my eyes because this is not what I want. But knowing that you are with someone else everyday is destroying the love I have for you.

Please do not call me, send e-mails, or leave voice messages unless you have permanently separated from OW and have decided that you want to work on building a new relationship with me.

If you should need to reach me in case of an emergency, you can send an e-mail to my friend XXXX at XXXXX and she will get a message to me.

It is not that I don't want you in my life...I want that more than anything...but I want all of you… and I want you all to myself. Sharing you is just too painful.

If you should decide that you want to work on building a new relationship with me, I promise you that I will leave the past behind us. I will ask only that you do the same. I hope that one day you will decide to allow us to begin again.

I loved you when I married you. I continue to love you to this day. I will love you forever

I appreciate how you help us move beyond feeling to action - a different mindset. A question, if you can help? (You can view my story on board - just found out - Stalled in Process - and I am "I am I said. "

I am also a visual person and I intend to create this list while looking at this message - to remind me of difference between feelings and needs.

We are just 3 months from D Day of affair that happened a year ago and no contact since. I really want to develop my list of needs, like you did. However, do I present these to the WH, if so how? Do i just use them as by guiding beliefs?

sorry, I am the BS and he was the WH.

up

bump

back to top

bump

You sneaky little thing you...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Plan B (boundary)

also gets a wayward's attention ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

bump

bump up