Seven months to the day I found out that my husband was having an affair with his best friends wife. It was of the sexual nature only. At first I was hurt, angry & confused. I couldnt understand why he would do that to me. After months of talking, lots of counseling and a love that I knew we both still had, we are finally getting on with our lives. I know this is something that will always be a memory, but that is where I had to learn to keep it. Once I decided to forgive him, I had to do just that. I couldnt keep throwing it up to him every time we had a fight. I know he loves me and that was just a mistake. He has done so much to prove to me that he loves me and our life together. I am so glad I didnt go with my first thought... DIVORCE! I truly love this man and I now know he loves me. I will never forget, but I did forgive and now for the rest of our lives. It can be done. Thank you all for all of the encouragment you have given me back when I was nothing short of a basketcase.

I am curious about whether the friend stayed married to his wife and did your husband have the decency to apologize to his friend? Apprently your husband has no conception of what a freindship is. To do this to his wife and backstab his best friend by screwing his wife says a great deal about his lack of character. I am not sure what it is that you have really won.

stillsmiling 2!

Congratulations to you and your H for finding a way to work through the painful issues of Infidelity!

That's why we are here.....

Bryanp, I have to wonder WHY are you here? Obviously not in support of posters struggles to recover their marriages....nor do you have any understanding of the complexity of affair dynamics....it has almost nothing to do with a lack of character.
This posters' FWH obviously had what it took to face up to his mistake and do the difficult work to recover his marriage and his integrity!

Your attitude is what pushes most couples to Divorce which causes further pain and destruction to their families....

IMO this is not quite true - a persons's choice to engage in infidelity is a pretty definite sign of a character flaw in that person. We are all capable of having As, but being capable of having one and choosing to engage in one are two different things.

IMO successful recovery involves the WS recognizing this and taking steps to address it, amongst other things.

MinM,
I agree that there are many things that both a WS and a BS need to acknowledge in order to successfully recover. WE all have character flaws in one way or another, some obviously more serious than others! A "lack of character" suggests that this WS has no redeeming qualities, worth or hope for becoming a better person....if that's the case then why should any of us bother...

Bryanp seems to suggest that a WS is not capable of recovery and that stillsmiling2 is somehow dillusional.

It is important that struggling BS and WS see that recovery is possible and ss2's testimony should be applauded, not disrespected.

Perhaps Bryanp is the MB's version of Oscar the Grouch :-).

Nevertheless, what he has to say should be considered. Perhaps "lack of character" is a bit extreme, but certainly part of ss2 and FWH's recovery MUST include him understanding what it is about him that allowed him to betray his wife and best friend that way and taking steps to address it, otherwise it is likely that history will repeat itself (no matter what he promises) if a similar situation arises.

In fact, I believe that it's precisely because my FWW didn't address this issue in her first A that she managed to get herself involved in another one years later. That character "flaw" was still there, just waiting for the right situation to be exposed.