Dear Podperson:<BR>Ahhh, I do understand now and it makes sense and I can relate. I also had the misfortune of not having both parents due to divorce. So, I definetly know where you are coming from. I posted before on the question of whether I should have an affair or not. Of course it was unanonimous that the conclusion everyone gave me was that I should not go and have an affair. Like you, I have struggled with my husbands neglectful ways for 2 years. Of course, I can't compare to your 20 years. But, it's been 2 years without any sex, affection, intimacy, etc... I have tried so many things and nothing! So, finally I thought about maybe having an affair with this man that found me very attractive and was paying attention to me. I ended up not having the affair while my husband was having something with somebody else (if you read my post, you would know what I am talking about). I understand the point that you got to except that I didn't take that next step whereas you have taken it. It's like you get really really fed up with all the bull@@@@ and then you start to think to yourself, why not? ...He deserves to see all the hurt and pain that he has given me in all those years. maybe he'll wake up..it's almost like you get to the point being really fed up. I basically didn't do it because I didn't really want to end my marriage because of the children that we have (2 small children) and for me, it's been 2 years...long enough...but thankfully not 20 years. I guess you came to a loss of what to do with your marriage and your husband and especially if he is the type to tell you that he's not wrong and you are. How difficult it is to deal with that kind of mentality. I understand because my husband is and has been saying those things for the last 3 years. Sometimes, we have to do what we think we must in order to move ahead. Whether it is right or wrong of your affair, somehow, your marriage will move in some direction instead of moving nowhere. So,I think that is what you wanted from your husband/marriage. It has been just there coasting with nowhere to go...no goal...no need to do anything on your husbands part, even though you may have talked to him until you turned blue. I do know that it does take two people to make it work. If one is consistently trying and the other one isn't, how would it ever work? I understand why you stayed for soooo long. I really don't think I could do that for so long. Hell, I'm having trouble staying now and we have the two children that I have to think about. We are going to therapy now...but, I just don't know how things will work out. Do you think that your husband will ever trust you again? I ask because, I really don't think I will ever trust my husband again. Somehow, he broke that fine line/string that held us/bonded us. I really hope that it works for you. Everyone in life deserves to be happy and not go through life with someone who makes us unhappy. I'm glad to hear that you won't stick around if he goes back to his old ways. Same with me, I told my husband that he needed to give all he could to our marriage (of course I would too) or it's never going to work. I pray things work out for you. Keep in touch. Good luck to you. P.S. Thanks for responding.
