Is there any rule about wearing or not wearing your wedding rings when going through Plan A/recovery/whatever step you're on?

My H has not been wearing his wedding band since the first D-day, I noticed right away and took mine off, too. Following his lead, I guess. I go back and forth on whether that was smart or not.

I really hate not wearing it ... but at the same time, it's gotten pretty tarnished in my eyes. It was supposed to be a symbol of his love and faithfulness ... well, now his faithfulness has flown out the window, so the symbol of it doesn't mean as much anymore, does it? But what about as a symbol of MY faithfulness, MY desire to make the marriage work, and that I still consider myself a married woman?? Is not wearing my ring the same as saying I've given up?

We're still in Plan A because he hasn't agreed to NC yet, but HAS ended the A (for now?) and has been going to MC with me.

Did you ever take your rings off? What about your spouse? When did you or they put them back on?

Thanks.

D-day was 3 years ago, and I still wear my rings. We will soon be divorced, and I will take them off.

I still wear mine, but WH isn't wearing his. He has lost alot of weight and says they are too big for him and he doesn't have a chain to put them on. I gave him a chain on Friday night - on Sat and Sun he is still not wearing it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My WH is very deep in the fog though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I can't take mine off - can't do it - would feel naked without it. He especially designed my engagement ring himself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

This is something I struggled with for a long time. I wore my rings up until last month.

It just got to the point that looking at them made me feel bad, they didn't mean anything anymore. WH took his off last July and has not worn it since.

The one thing I did do though was put them on a chain and wear it around my neck tucked in my shirt close to my heart. I will continue to wear them like that until I feel comfrotable not having them with me . It may be the day our divorce goes through or it coud be a year later who knows. But for now thats where mine are....

Hurting

Is there a rule? I don't think so. More or less what you feel comfortable with would be a good "rule".

In my situation, H had stopped wearing his wedding ring about six months into the A. He said it was too much trouble to wear it because of work, but I didn't buy that for two seconds. After all, he was doing deskwork and having a wedding ring on didn't get in the way of answering the phone or logging in names and times. But anyway, I took my ring off on D-day and handed it to him. I told him he could give it back to me when it meant something to HIM, because my wearing that ring was a symbol of our commitment to one another, not just a legal contract. He apparently was doing some pretty hefty thinking at that point, because he wore it on a chain around his neck for about two weeks before he practically begged me to put it back on.

We bought new rings two months into recovery.

That ring thing - let me tell you. I read a post from Ktulu about rings on one of the very worst days a couple years ago. I had to go do some TV for a business thing in London and Squid, my FWW, found out I sent proof of PA to OM GF on the same day. She was absolutely ACID, hateful, vicious, telling me by phone she was packing and moving out and leaving the country with the kids and OM and all kinds of stuff. I had to keep calm and put my business head on for bloomberg ...

I got home she was EVIL. I checked my mail & this board and read Ktulu's post. I went straight to our bedroom and put on my wedding ring which I had removed on D-day, and had left off for six weeks or so.

FWW noticed it the very next day. " what the h3ll u wearing that for ? Our Marriage is down the pan !"
I replied "I don't need your permission to wear it. I promised God and you I'd wear it for better or worse. Well, this is 'worse' but my promise to God and you still stands. I want to be married to you. I want to do all I can to stay happily married to you, despite my hurt. Until the LAST MINUTE that there is hope I can help rescue our M I will wear the ring you gave me before God."

She ran upstairs and cried loudly for a long time. I took the kids bowling...

That was the peak of the hatred and fog. She mentioned since that it was very touching for her to se me wearing her ring when she felt so undeserving of it. Even now , almost two years on, she sometimes holds my hand and rubs my band with her thumb. It meant a lot to her and still does.

I won't take it off again till I'm dead or divorced.

But thats just my story. You should do what makes you most comfortable. You have the right to wear or not wear as you wish IMO.

I took mine off on Dday. WH wore his pre Dday when he felt like it. He had lost weight and it slipped off easily so I thought that was the reason for its removal.

I love what Bob said but it just didn't occur to me. As far as I was concerned, the contract was broken and the ring meant nothing.

My WH would never wear his, always said his interferred with his work he`s a contruction worker. Know I know why after all the affairs he had through he years.Now after trying to rebuild our M he`s willing to wear one. I see no use in it now after 31 years.

I've never taken mine off except once for a stupid moment 7 years ago (don't ask). WW hasn't worn her since a few days after D-day, but I have them on a chain around my neck. It's a personal opinion kinda thing.

Treading Lightly - I like your idea. Hmmm. I might give WH my ring.

Bob, your post is great!

Drexxel thats beautiful,I always wore mine and was proud to wear it.Wh and I were in a jewlry store 10 years ago to get him another because he had (lost?) his. He said right out loud I don`t want one, but we looked and bought one anyway, he wore it for a few days then it disappeared, he said he lost it.Mine are tucked away I don`t wear it them. They have no meaning.The rings are only as good as the marriage and the people wearing them.

I guess I can explain a little more about why I wear mine. Yes, WW slid this ring on my finger when she made promises. I slid an identical one on her finger as well, making those same promises. But in doing that, because we both promised the same thing at the same time, effectively, we made the promise to the marriage as well, not just to each other or God.

I look at the M as a seperate entity. There's me, there's WW. Two individuals. Then there's the M. Composed of the two individuals and stronger than the sum of it's parts.

I have WWs rings around my neck because I promised the marriage also, not just her. And I wear my ring, because, well, I'm married. I feel if I go out without my ring on, I'm advertising that I'm not married. Advertising that you're not married is, to me, not the best way to recover your M after an A.

Again, just my opinion.

I took off my rings because I didn't want to wear them until I was ready to wear them and be married to him. He got very mad about this and we got into arguments about this and was told that I was still married and had to wear them. So, I wear them now; but what I find funny is that he doesn't wear his. I don't care if he wears it or not. I'm don't force him to do anything that he doesn't want to do.

I told WW that I hurt when I see her without her ring on. I tell her it makes me feel as though she's out advertising, ya know. She says she doesn't wear it because she doesn't feel like she thinks she should feel being in a married relationship. Told the MC it's like being friends and living in the same house. By the way, I had fog lights installed after that.

Anywho, that's my thoughts on the rings. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I still wear my original ring. I love it, always have always will. Even though I did throw it at one time.

My husbands has a cut in it, he could never get it off. Fed him too well, I guess.

After D-day, I found him in the shed, half [censored]'d attempt to hacksaw it off.

I offered him an axe.

He wears his now still, cut and all.

He loves his ring.( or his finger)

Max

My H never really wore his, even before the A. Says that it's like a "chick magnet" when he wears it at conventions. What kind of chicks are attracted to married men? Ugh!

The kinds that have affairs with them? LOL

Exactly the ring is only as good as the person wearing it, the same with marriage papers.MY WH did`nt care about either.
Drexxel wish my WH felt as you do. Your a wonderful man.

b0b pure*,
Thank you so much for what you said about wearing your wedding band. I will confront WH this Friday and I had fully intended to take my rings off and hand them to him. He's been sneaking his ring on and off for weeks, so they obviously don't mean much to him.

Then I read your post and it touched me deeply. I realize, as hurt and angry as I am right now, I not only made a commitment and promise to WH, but to God and my family and friends. He hasn't kept those promises, but I intend to and that is what the rings really mean to me - they are part of my promise and committment. I'll keep them on, like you said, until I'm dead or divorced.

Thank you so much!
STINA

I thank you for your compliment. Your elevation of me to "wonderful man" is quite touching. I think I'm a good man, but I think wonderful is a bit high of an elevation. I have progress that needs to be made and things to improve upon, but I'm working and trying.

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />