My H had an affair and there was a child born - we have been going back and forth about this. He claims it is not his, but there is a very weird connection between him and OW and timing for this child is correct.

I got a copy of the birth certificate and there is no father listed. She already has a child by her boyfriend and he is listed on that birth certificate so I cannot understand why he would not be listed on the new child's if it is truly his.

She supposively filed for child support from the boyfriend. But money has been disappearing from our accounts with no explanation.

Question - are child support records at least the filing for public records? Can I go down to the court in the county it was filed and search the names to see if there is an ongoing case?

I need to find out the paternity of this child and my H is not forthcoming. I think he is in denial and not dealing with or she is using this as leverage.

Thanks, I am torn up about this.

hello deannek,

so sorry your in this sitch but glad your here.

if your h didnt have dna test , get it, he needs to do that before paying anything. noone can just take money from your accounts. i dont know what state your in but where im at, it goes through csenforcment and the man is always contacted the only way money can be taken is if your h signed saying he is father, or they have proved he is and he knows exactly what there taking.

very important, no matter if you think it is his do dna, if he has signed without doing it, he can still get it done, DO IT NOW.

my case i called cse and although they could not legally give me info without h consent, they did look up his ss# and found there has been a case opened. we are awaiting the papers. we have not seen oc ow wont let h see unless he signs that he is dad and sterts paying cs. he said not untill test is done.

i have seen on many shows women accusuing men and it turns out there not. there has been men that payed cs for years only to find out later that the c wasnt theres. no matter what dna needs to be done.

try calling cse and give h ss maybe they could tell you somthing. my h doesnt want to deal with any of this either but he isnt going to take her threats it needs to go through courts, not her.

i wonder if theres things your h isnt telling you, impress on him the importance of dna, even cse told me dont let my h sign anything without a dna test, im sure they have seen it too often.

good luck, and read some of crazyhurt story, they found out oc not h, but she really believed that it would be his. us women got to get these guys to stick up for them selves dont let ow call the shots. if it is your h go through the courts. ow do not have all the rights.

how did you get the oc bc, i thought you had to be the parent. do you need all info on oc to get it?

i do understand needing to now, i do too, one way or another ill just be glad to finally know for sure,
bye, imtswife

Money doesn't legally disappear from an account without explanation. That's where I'd investigate. Only first, I'd tell him that you know there are things he isn't being truthful about, and that this is his last chance to come clean - if you find out through legal means (and I wouldn't tell him what those are or where you're going to investigate) that he's lying about this child, he'll be dealing with the consequences with you.

I'd say he has one chance to save his marriage. And he's not on that tract right now.

court records are public to a point all you have to do is go down to the court house or even just call and ask if there are any pending cases at all with your husbands name involved they will ask his date of birth and then tell you.

Also they will tell of any previous do the same with the xow name and dob.

they will give you case number and parties involved but not much more

Thanks a lot. You can get an informational BC in my state all I needed was mother's name, child's name and daote of birth, But that did not help me because no father was listed. I was thinking of going down to the court. I have called child services and they will not give me any informtion. Even explained the whole situation hoping for sympathy and I got now answer at all. My next step was to call the court and see if there were any open cases in regards to this child and who was the person who started it and who she was going after. I just need to know and my H is hilding something back. I may get lucky and find out he is not the father, but the whole situation just seems werid to me.

Thanks so much.

Birth records are considered public records, any one can get a copy of it, just need the info, childs name, mother name, place of birth. But you will also need to tell the reason why you want it and then the money for it.

But one thing I dont know for sure is if they will do like when someone checks your driving record, anyone can get a copy of that but they also will notifed who asked and who they sent the info to.

Marriage license is right now in big question because they contain peoples SS number on it. Some states tried to put a stop from people veiwing that public record because of the new privacy policy, but there was a big deal about it so I know some state like in SD have decided to just black out the SS number so that way they are still public info but also protects the one being checked.

CSO are total butts and wont tell you a darn thing. We got around that cause my H sent a letter stating that he gave me permission to call and check, discuss and make any decision about his case, and had that put into his file so they have to talk to me now.

But any court case and pending ones is public info, call them but if nothing there yet wait a few months, cause if she is going thru CSO they are very slow and might take a few months, cause first they will try and get him to volunteer to being the dad then they will try to work a deal out with him on the amount. Each time they will give him so much time to reply. And after that and nothing is worked out they will send him a letter saying that within 30 days they will file a petition to the court. It can take several months for all this.

I agree you need to tell your hubby he needs to come clean about everything. His honesty will help and might the decision if you want to make a go of the marriage and repair it but hiding it will only hurt it more if you find out that he is lieing. I got a feeling that he is waiting to see if the OC is his with hopes that it will be not so he can continueing denying that he had a A. Even if he not sure if it is his or not it will be alot better in the long run that he is honest with you now.

Thanks so much. I was thinking of going down to the court in the area she lives in and see if there were any filings under her name and see who she listed as the defendant.

There is just something werid going on and my H denies that he is not the father, but then there is this rally werid connection and I think my H may believe that this problem may just go away.

She does have another child who is 10 and I know is not my H for sure and supposively she is also going after support for that child so there should be a court case - I think.

I just want confirmation either way and since there was no father listed on the birth certificate. I would think she does know if it was the boyfriend was the father why was he not listed because he is the father of the other child.

I am just tired of not knowing and my H has been less that honest in this whole situation.

Thanks so much.

Isnt that just typical of a man?!?! LOL

I dont blame one bit for wanting to know, it would drive me crazy too, I really think the wondering would be more upseting to me then actually have the hard cold truth slapped in my face.

At least knowing you can face the problem head on, instead of sitting here thinking and debating what you should do.

Money missing from accounts? Like how? Automatic withdrawal? Or is he taking it out? I would be moving ALL monies to new accounts PRONTO. That is JOINT funds and if he is stealing from you, for a child that may not be his, WRONG.

Get tough here. If I looked at my statement and money was missing, you can bet your bottom dollar I would be all over that. TAKE ALL THE MONEY OUT OF THE ACCOUNTS TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

Talk to a good attorney about this NOW. If he is sending her any money, you can really raise a ruckus. Especially if DNA has not been done. Get tough here. He should not be sending dime one until he knows for certain it is his, then it will be taken care of via the courts.

Anything else is considered a gift. And trust me, no OW is going to see those "gifts" as child support, they are all as greedy as they can possibly be, "for the child". TAKE CARE OF THIS NOW.

If it IS his, and you get to the laywer first, you can protect YOURSELF here FIRST. Find out what the heck is going on. You need to be proactive, and if he doesn't like it, well, explan to him how his behavior has proven to be less then dependable towards you and your marriage, and that if he was innocent of sending this trollop money, he wouldn't have anything to worry about. If he HAS sent her money, you can take legal measures to get it back. Plus, if he is sending her money, you would be right in protecting yourself.

Blindly trusting him is no longer a right he can expect. He has lied and cheated. Now you have money missing? Get busy and start protecting yourself. TALK TO A LAYWER IMMEDIATELY.......HE COULD BE STEALING FROM YOU. YOU MAY BE ABLE TO TAKE ALL THE MONEY AND PUT IT IN A NEW ACCOUNT. If he has an automatic deposit from his employer, change it to another account, do everything you can to keep money from "missing".

Plus, if HE is taking the money out, make it hard for him to do so.

GET A LAYWER NOW.

Thanks for the input. Actually I filed for legal separation a while ago because I was concerned about this. As a result I was granted child support and alimony so all my stuff comes first. Since we are separated anything he does with his money is his to do with it. Everything else - all our assets are frozen at the moment - or at least the amounts are. One thing I learned the only person I could trust was me and I needed to protect me.

Money is disappearing from his account - I still have access - it is withdrawls and checks in amounts that are not going to his payments that I can account for.

The other issue that bothers me is there is no father on the birth certificate as I have said she has another child from the supposive father so why would be not claim this child as well.

My H denies is, but I would worry what is we do work on things my case goes out the door and then she walks in and files for CS then if I decide I cannot handle it then I leave and my CS for my children would be reduced. The money is one thing, but not the most important it is the not knowing.

I would have been so relieved to see the boyfriends name on the BC.

I am thinking of going down to the court where she lives and searching for her name on cases - I can do that right?
and then see if she has filed for CS that is public record correct? or at least the name of the petetioner and defendant? My H has told me she is going after the boyfriend for CS and since they are not married there would be a declaration of paternity filed somewhere.

I just hate the not knowing and I have been lied to so much in the past I really do not know what to believe anymore.

Thanks.

just to let you know maybe the reason bf name is not on bc is cause he didnt sign paper giving permission. in most states women cant just put someones name on bc. too many women putting who they want on. father has to sign, maybe her bf had reason to believe it wasnt his.

good luck to you, im going through same thing except i know whats going on. just waiting now. yes my h would like it all to go away. but i guess i cant blame him. i wish it would too.

i guess im lucky, 2 out of 3 times me talking to scenforcment, i had people very understanding and helped me the best they could. i was grateful for that, now h also is sending letter giving permission for them to talk to me. whatever it takes. my h doesnt trust them but i felt pretty good about it, there are some understanding people out there. maybe you could try calling again and get someone differant. they told me legally couldnt tell me anything but then asked for h ss# then said yes there was a case opened didnt tell me anything else yet answered all my questions. i was pleased with what i did get. yet the one before, nothing. it depends on the person.

If you reconcile, don't let up on the support until you know.