I just had sex with another woman for the first time in 6 years. It was not bad, but it was unusual, just because it was different. I was unable to climax. Part of me felt guilty because I didn't want to be with another woman other than my wife. Anyone else feel this or experience this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

In my personal opinion, I don't think you were ready for this step.

How long had you known this person?

Do you love her?

Sex with just anyone can make you feel awful, at anytime in your life.

I am four years out of my divorce, I was involved with one man, we did have sex eventually but only after we developed deep feelings for each other. It didn't work out, but not for intimate reasons............

I would suggest holding off being with another woman until you sort through your emotional needs. Till you meet someone who doesn't make it seem unusual or whatever it was you were feeling.

Papa
You JUST got divorced! Only 45 days ago you wrote a post full of hopes of reconciling with your wife! What were the circumstances of you hooking up with this new woman? I think there are lots of extraneous facts which only you know, that probably contributed to your feelings, along with the 'performance situation'.

The fact is, you need to heal, and that takes time. Months, possibly years...but more time than you've given it. And moving on doesn't necessarily mean dating. You were betrayed by your exwife, and it takes work to be ready for another relationship - sexual or otherwise.

I understand the arguments of bsteacher and avondale25. I still do love my wife. This is a friend "with benefits". I have been up front with her about my feelings for my ex. Yes, I still hope to reconcile with my ex. I very much love her. This is something that just happened this weekend. I know that "moving on" does not necessarily mean dating.

I don't feel guilty about the sex. It was nice to be wanted and desired by someone. I'm still going to see this person in the future. She understands, however, how I feel and the fact that I want to get back together with my ex. My ex told me I have as much of a chance to go out with her as anyone else. I just have to play my cards right. Says she wants to see me be "normal" for a change. Of course, that means not discussing her infidelity and pretending that all is wonderful with my life when I'm actually mourning everyday for the loss of my family.

I am very much wanting to execute the 180. I have stopped using AIM in order to not chat with her and make her call me for a change. I will also try to stop e-mailing her and just talk to her about the kids or to keep things light and cheerful when I see her.

I believe she will regret what she's done eventually and I believe she will find me attractive again once I find a job again and have my own life and self confidence. I'm unemployed because I just got out of military.

I haven't read your story, but I suggest that if reconcilliation is your hope that you end your "friendship with benefits".


Mrs. W8ing

Reconciliation would involve her wanting to go out with me. She doesn't want to do that. She barely wants to talk to me.

In all honesty, the fact that you're "dating" so quickly after the divorce will actually push her further away from reconciliation. She'll assume, understandably so, that you've moved on. What tangible ways are you showing her that want to reconcile? Were you able to implement Plan A before your split? Even in Plan B, you can still reinforce the fact that if she wants to work on the marriage, you want that too.

However, if you're with someone else in any way, that negates all the reconciliation words or actions you might be telling her.

I write her all the time to tell her how much I lover her and miss her. I've told her that my "dates" with this woman are simply for companionship. My ex is planning on going on "fun dates" as well. She knows exactly how I feel about her since I've written her everyday about it. My friendship with this woman obviously crossed the line to more intimate things, but I have no feelings for her other than freindship and she knows that. I told her I won't do anything with her she doesn't want to do. She claims she knows where I am.

I've asked my ex out, she says no. I've asked to talk to her on the phone, she's always too busy. She wants minimal contact with me right now. I really want to win her back, but she's not making it easy. She was treating me this way well before I started seeing the nurse. She even encouraged me to go out.

Her brain has been scrambled by aliens (I mean that figuratively). I don't know this cold woman who has no affection for me anymore and who finds me "smothering".

It was not like this at all when we were married. She would go out and buy things for me when she was out. She cuddled with me every night. I kissed her every morning before leaving for work. We made love. I don't understand how it ALL disappeared so quickly.

Same thing happened to me. For years I had a loving wife, or so I thought. In reality she was cheating on me, but kept up the loving wife routine since the OM was also married. But, when his marrage died, she left me for him in a flash.

And not climaxing is NOT at all unusual for a man in your situation. The reality is that your emotional health is not good so you can't be a full participant in sex. If you were a cold hearted SOB, a player or a bad boy things would be fine (at least physically). But, since you are a loving sensitive guy you have to get past the emotional damage first.

Don't worry, these kinds of problems happen to the best of us.