Ok, I have only been in plan B for 2 weeks now. Here's a brief summary:

me BS (32)
WH (32)
OW (married 2 yrs..no kids...H left her after exposure)
2 dd (2 and 4 years)
married 9 yrs, together 13 years
WH affair Aug 05- Oct 05
1DDay Nov 3,2005, 2nd DDay Mar 2006, 3rd Day May2, 2006
Plan B May2, 2006-asked WH to separate...he STILL doesn't know what he wants....moved in with OW

Now, I am having trouble with Plan B....My daughters 2nd birthday was this weekend. I didn't have a party becasue I didn't feel like defending myself to everyone. We just had cake with my parents and the kids...no WH.

THis past weekend..also mothers day...WH wants to take the kids for Mothers Day to visit his mother...2 hrs away. I said you want to take the kids away from their mother on mother's day, he's like what's the big deal, they are with me every day. So fine, they stay with me. Then he said he is going to take them shopping for mothers day. And I asked what about the videos I made...I made DVDs of pictures of the kids and moms and grandmoms...took me a month to put it all together. So he says he will take it to give them, and he proceeds to have the kids sign a card for grandmom and the great gramdmoms, adds his name and seals the envelope. I didn't say anything, but I can't believe he omits me from the card after I spent all this time making the video.

Then he gets me a candle decoration thing from the kids and I said..yeah thanks. And he is mad cause I am not all happy and excited he got me something.....HELLO we are separated and you are LIVING with the OW!

Now, his brothers wife just had a baby yesterday. I don't know what to do, do I send a card from just me now, do nothing?

And then there is this upcoming weekend. His other brother's wedding where MY 2 girls are flower girls. It is 3 hours away and we got a room for the weekend. So I told him I am not going....we are separated...he is mad and acting like I am crazy, and that I am going to upset the girls if I don't go. I don't see how I can go. My counselor said we should not attend family functions together. This will be his first time alone with the girls away from me for the weekend. I am so nervous for me and for the girls. I feel like it has to be done, he has to learn what it is like. If this is what he really wants.

Now, again, do I send a card apologizing for not going, and helping to get the girls dressed and ready, etc....

This is so hard!!!!!!!!!!!

Any advice how to get through this?

TS

Ok ... here's Plan Pep

you go with your girls, and stay in the hotel room during the ceremony,howz that?

I like that plan... tell the girls you will pick them up one hour after the ceremony ends and you are taking them swimming in the hotel pool!

Buy KEWL new pool toys ... make it a private party, but allow them to enjoy an hour of the post-nuptual activities.

Provide ice cream and cake for your swim party.

Piss off the WH ... who cares! make your girls happy and excited ... and they don't need to miss out on either event. Long-lasting adult parties are just boring for kids anyway.

it might work

best of luck

Pep

I say you tell dear husband that is it very interesting to you that he is attending a wedding ceremony supporting someone taking MARRIAGE VOWS when he himself holds them to no value...and muse out loud that you are surprised that his brother would want someone who believes such things there in the first place.............

part of me says you pull the girls from the wedding ..that it is NOT in their best interest to attend in the company of a man that does not value a marriage...that he uses them as pawns to be in wedding ceremony...when he thinks so little of such silly things....

at 2 and 4 you can easily fill the weekend with other stuff....

tell his family it is under the advice of your marriage counselor...

tell him that girl are 100000000000000000000000000000 times more upset that their dad is discarding and abandoning them...then they are over playing dress up...and you could easily make a day more fun for them....than making have to PRETEND that their dad has their best interest first...rather than making them play PRETEND with them for an overnight or a day or whatever the time length is only to then return to his "NEW MOMMY and GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!

PLAN B....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RETURN THE GIFT....

don't tell him anything...
call email your MIL, BIL, and bride to be....and say the girls are not able to attend...
it is NOT fair for them to be used and then confused as to why daddy isn't living with them.....

tell THEM the irony you see in them wanting a man (husband) there at a wedding that denies the importance of marriage VOWS...
but if they were to exclude your husband...you and the girls would love to attend...as you adore weddings and all the MEANING they HOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


uh oh...I think I'm on a rollllll.........

ARK

you could call saturday am real early and say all three of you are puking your guts out...so sad...so sorry....

ARK

This is so horrible. I feel so bad, I love his family they have been part of my family for 13 years...the kids are so excited about it. I don't want to drag our problems away from the bride and groom. I already fear what he has told them about me and how I kicked him out, and I don't want to attend.

This is what bothers me so much, I am the one that values love, marriage, and family, and I am the one losing so much. He is getting exactly what he wants. He gets to go live with his floozy without a care in the world, no responsibilities, and then "rent out the kids" to make him look good for his family....

I don't know how you guys stay in plan B....its just so unfair, hard, everything!

call your mil and tell her that you and the girls can not attend...

tell her it hurts too much that he abandons them and lives with another woman..whom he thinks what...should be instant "new-step-mom" with instant siblings...??!!!!!

tell her that he does not value marriage vows..
and that you are sorry about this...

tell her that you are sorry that his choices are so devastating to so many people...

what you should go and play instant babysitter....
stand next to him while your bil says till death do us part...what God has joined let no man put asunder while the OW is calling him on his cell phone to see how things are going...

it is insanity....

2 and 4 year olds can be placated in to other activities when one set of plans fall through....

make sure you call them and tell them that you had nothing to do with kicking him out....

that it is his choice to have a girlfriend while married...and you will not LIE and pretend differently...

call your mil and tell her that you and the girls in light of her sons choices can not attend the wedding

that you will not use them to lie to pretend that their father cares about vows..

is this a church wedding???

ARK

See if it was me and I was strong enough..... I'd go w/my daughters and hold my head up high. Snub the WS if you need to but go. You have a separate relationship with the In-laws and for your children's sake, need to keep that R as much as possible.

Btw, this wedding isn't about the WS so why is he the decision maker? Let him fret about how come his family is there but NOT with him!??!?!?

Btw, go looking like Dyno-mite. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

JMHO,
L.

the reality of dealing with a dressed up two and four year old...takes a ton of energy and team work...

I know ...been there done that...

had two in the wedding party and chasing the youngest around who had just turned two...

it was W O R K...

trying to keep an eye on them when the people were milling around and dancing...

trying to get a two and four year old to cooperate with pictures so as NOT to piss off the bride..who will want perfect children...

trying to get them sit down eat when they were supposed to


In your head you pictur two adorable children....
it doesn't work that way...

my hubby and I worked our butts off at that wedding...and if I had to do it I would have HIRED a babysitter for the two year old....

your husbands family no matter how much they love and adore the little ones...will have to be on their own agenda...

pictures...dances...cake cutting...

lets be realistic....
I would NOT do this without a strong partner to help me...it is too much work...cause aunty em will have one of the girls in the cookie line...and aunty sue will have on of the girls on the dance floor...and you will be using all your energy to keep your eye on both of them...

you are in plan B...\
no contact with hubby...

if you won't cancel them...which the more I stew on this one...I know without a doubt this is a stand I would take...

then let your husband find out what it's like...fear is he will be only glad to hand them back.....

ARK