Hi,
I posted about a year ago when I found out my husband was having an affair. I have not posted forever but I read peoples posts all the time and they have been very helpful. I need some help, but let me tell everyone what has been going on.

Last April I found out my husband was having an affair with someone he met in rehab. It was a blow because I was already dealing with the lies of his drug use. I had him move out of the house and he promised that the affair was just a one time thing. He even called her on the phone in front of me to end it. During the summer I found out he was still in contact with her. He swore again that it was just phone calls and called her again in front of me to prove it was over. He told me it was just phone calls. He acted very sorry. Since he came home from rehab we had been going to counseling and to group counseling.

In August, he came to me and told me that he was going to tell me everything so I would know how much he wanted to have the marriage back. He told me the affair had not ended and that he was still seeing this other person. She lived in another state so they were traveling together when he went on business trips. He told me most the business trips were not business trip, but just trips to be with her. He said that is how he got to see her. He lied about going on business trips. She would even come to our city and stay at a resort so they could be together.

I was crushed. We had been going to counseling and he had been trying to put our marriage back together and it had been all a lie.

Our marriage counselor is pro marriage which is good. He told me to give my husband a chance. The counselor had helped him email the other woman a letter telling her it was over. My husband told me it was over and he wanted it to be over. He moved back in the house and we continued to go to counseling. Things were improving. Over Christmas we took our children on a ski trip and really had a wonderful time. In January, I found out from his phone bill that he had never stopped contact with this other woman. I even found out that when our house was destroyed by a hurricane and the kids and I were staying with his parents he went to stay with this other woman. He told me he was going to the house to makes sure no one went in and stole stuff. I was crushed. I don't think I have ever felt so low. I asked him to move out and he would not. I could not move out because there was no place to go. There were no rentals or anything because of the hurricane. The counselor told me to give him one more chance. He said he was sick and doing these things because of trying to overcome his addictions. He said he went from one addiction to another.

We have continued group therapy, marriage counseling, and private counseling. There are days I feel things are going really well. There are days I feel hope. Then there are days that I think to myself - What are you doing trusting this guy after all the lies. There are days I feel so much anger and disgust that I can't look at him. I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I know that I am the only one that can. I want to feel peace and there are days that I do, but there are days that I feel so scared and angry that it scares me.

It there is anyone with advice on how to deal with these feelings - please share with me.

Thanks,
Conneen

Wow, you have gone through such a lot. The hurricane thing really hurts - that he would take advantage of such a tragedy to continue cheating.

I don't blame you for being angry. I think it will take a lot of time to recover.

How did you come out financially after the hurricane?

"There are days I feel hope. Then there are days that I think to myself - What are you doing trusting this guy after all the lies. There are days I feel so much anger and disgust that I can't look at him. I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I know that I am the only one that can. I want to feel peace and there are days that I do, but there are days that I feel so scared and angry that it scares me."

Me too- I have been through a tone recently- my kids have been sick, our whole house was destroyed and inhabitable for three months, Our rental house was destroyed, Our dog died,....one thing after another. My H found comfort in the other women because she helped get away from these problems. SO far I have not found any thing to get away from the awfull pain except posting whenever I feel down. Good luck and let me know what has helped when you find out!

quote[What are you doing trusting this guy after all the lies. There are days I feel so much anger and disgust that I can't look at him. I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I know that I am the only one that can. I want to feel peace and there are days that I do, but there are days that I feel so scared and angry that it scares me.]quote

Time is the only thing that will help.

Monitor your own situation as far as bad days. I know when I found out it consumed every waking minute of my day. Then I would get a short period of time it didn't. Then came more and more time in between each of those times. It stills happens sometimes. I look at the person next to me and I can't believe what she has done to US.

On top of the time he has to be very open and honest. My FWW finally got it through her thick head that even little lies do a lot of harm now.

Do whatever you used to do to make yourself happy. Getting your nails done, starbucks whatever. That helps too.