Could you e-mail me (in my sig line) and explain to me what charges should be filed? They couldn't come up with anything and I explained the circumstances and gave them a detailed explaination of our conversation. I'm not laying down, I'm not going to scream and yell at them without any detailed knowledge of the law here.

BS

you have email.

MEDC, I've not received it yet but thanks in advance....

Bluntly...I don't see any value in revealing to your wife that you paid thousands of dollars to OM to get him to leave her alone. You might THINK that it would cause her to see what a louse he is, but it's almost certain that it won't. Instead, she'll simply see it in the light that YOU caused OM to quit communicating with her. Her reasoning won't get past that point...the blame will fall on you, and that's what she'll focus on.

As far as the 'how you know'...simply tell her that you KNOW she's spent way more money than she had...don't tell her how. Never reveal sources if you dont have to. Tell her you KNOW, and you won't discuss how you know. And then point blank ask her to account for it to you.

As far as contact with OM...tell her the REAL truth. That you can't trust her anymore at this point...she's got to EARN that trust back. That's done by FULL ACCOUNTABILTY. And if she feels that it's unfair, or she's not up to it...ask her what she'd expect if she were in YOUR shoes. And if she refuses, simply make it clear to her that she's got no option in this...if she wants to remain married (and keep all the benifits that go with it), this is something she has to do. Her other option is for her to resume the D proceedings...which you will fight. It's up to her.

Again...this is all about taking the control away from her, and getting it back yourself. It's not about you controlling her...it's about you making the choices that you have to make...for yourself and for your family! If she chooses not to be a part of that family, it's HER choice, and her consequences.

My wife waffled on recovery for a month and a half...and then finally I was tired of taking all of her stuff. I went to my HR dept, used our company provided resources to get the information I needed to start a divorce MYSELF...rather than wait for her to prolong the pain and heartache. When I came home, she started in on me again, and suggested the D word...rather than try to talk her out of it again, I pulled out my notes, and told her exactly what we'd have to do and how long it would take. And I let her know that I was reaching my end of what I could take, and was going to file if we couldn't get things started.

We began our TRUE reconciliation that nite.

Think about it. You've heard the same advice over and over...either implement it, or continue in your same fashion...with the same results. Up to you my friend.

Owl,

As far as revealing the payoff. I am with you on that point. Unless I can get criminal charges filed, it makes no point telling her anything about it.

An interesting point, I sent her an e-mail asking about scheduling our next MC session. Her reply was "Haven't given it much thought lately" I replied "OK. Do you think we are on the right path to recovery?" she then replied "no, but I don't think I'm getting anything out of it at this time"

So, as far as I'm concerned she is right back into the fog and will not do any of the work to recover our M. She is eating cake sitting on the fence and I've been the primary enabler here.

I know exactly how things will transpire when I push her to decide. She will continue with the D and after it's done, I will continue supporting her fantasy until the kids are 18 and her 5 years of spousal maintenance is done.

She will be free to support the deadbeat OM out of MY POCKETBOOK and trust me, that's the way it will go.

Anyway, I cannot be a part of this sham anymore. My mental health is not good, I've lost so much weight over the last 12 months I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore since I can't eat. I must remove myself from this situation once and for all.

I just need to get the courage from somewhere. You folks have surely built my level of confidence just in the last few days and I thank you for that as I will need every ounce I can get at this point.

BS

"Anyway, I cannot be a part of this sham anymore... I must remove myself from this situation once and for all."

Spud - you're finding your resolve. I remember the very minute I found mine. I was writhing in emotional pain after a particluarly hurtful call with WW when I resolved NOT to let ANYone have such power over me. Things changed for me big time after that.

Find your resolve. Are you in IC? If not get it right away. Weekly sessions at a minimum. This is a tough time.

Good job contacting the PD. Even if it leads no where just by making the call you were taking control.

Thank you. I was in IC for some time and stopped. I will schedule an appointment as soon as I get back from this business trip. Insofar as removing myself from the situation, IC will help and I will find ways to focus on myself and the kids alone without WW.

We were talking about going on a vacation a month or so ago, WW has since let it slip by the wayside. I think I'll put something together for the kids and I and invite her along, her choice.....

"I think I'll put something together for the kids and I and invite her along, her choice....."

EXACTLY!!! YOU are the one that wants a loving, rich family life. Create it. Make it available to her. Invite her into it. Don't be shattered if she dosn't participate. And don't let her stop you from living it. Her twisted choices belong to her.

Muy bueno.