My wife and me are trying to work on our marriage, but one of my questions to ask her is what about the OM and the baby?

How do I ask about what is going to happen like:
1) Do you want me to raise the baby as mine?
2) What is the OM going to do.. forget he has a baby, pay child support, insurance what?

I don't want to cause a fight but I would like to have some answers. This is eating me up.

Post deleted by dragon1978

does anyone else know its not yours? My family is very old fashion and this is a big shock to them. I know it only matters what makes me happy, but you still have to have a relationship with them.

vsixer, have you protected your family from your wifes fraud and debt? Are you reconciling or are you just asking if you should take responsiblity for the baby even though you are separated?

How are your kids doing?

Well for right now we are still getting a divorce because of the debt and criminal actions. (D-Day 6/13/06)

I still have insurance on the baby and my two kids and the wife for now.

The problem with the baby is it is not mine yet I feel she wants me to take care of it. My issue is I think the father should be responsible as he is the one that did the dead so he should have to pay the price for his actions.

The problem is she will not tell me what she is going to do. She told my sister that she doesn't understand why I am still so mad at her over this. Funny how the world has flipped.

She asked me if I would keep insurance on her and the baby. Then if both of them could keep my last name. I will not keep insurance on them nore should the have my last name if I am not married to her and the baby is not mine.

My 13 year old daughter has now decided to forgive her mother and go live with her, which is fine. I just think she wants to live with her because she can run. I think when they have to live on their own and have to pay for everything it will be different and she will come back, but maybe not who knows.

Vsixer,

Make very sure that you are free of legal intanglements with the other man's child. See a lawyer about this. The laws in differing states are different. For example if OM cannot provide for the child, YOU may get the bill if you carry the insurance, your name is on the birth certificate, or even if they use your last name. I don't pretend to know all of the laws or any of them but I have seen guys get really really screwed by the system all because the mother and the bio-father don't step up and take care of the child.

Make darned sure you and your children are protected and let OM and your soon to be exW take care of their child. Also, are you sure it is wise for your 13 year old to live with mother given her criminal behavior as well as her lack of morals? Something to really consider.

God Bless,

JL

I agree with Just Learning: your daughter living with stbxw would in my opinion be a huge mistake.
Do you want your daughter to out like her mother?
What your daughter needs right now is a positive role model and example on how to live life. As far as I can tell(from your posts) you meet those qualifications.

No I don't want my daughter to grow up like her mother. All I feel I can do is be a positive influence when she is with me. Yes I want her to live with me, but If I force her she will hate me and it might cause problems with the divorce and her mother.

I took her cell phone from her and told her it was a privalige to live with me. Her mother gave her her phone.

Worse yet she has a friend that her friend and her friends mother are stuck to my daughter. They take her everywere with them and in my opinion are bad infuences on her, but I can not get them apart. HFM quit her job this week to help her H with his job as a plumber. So things will even get worse.

The flip side to this is this weekend my daughter broke her anckle and had to have surgery. She can not put any weight on it for 16 to 18 weeks and will have a cast on for 6 ot 8 weeks.

I offered for her to stay with me at my mothers so they can help her and watch her, as her mother has to work and cann't take care of her in the day, but she doesn't want to. They have no cable TV and two medium dogs to junp on her foot. I guess she will just have to suffer her own choices. My mother agrees with what I am doing. She is a smart woman.

I think once both of them get out on their own they will have a change of heart. My wife and daughter do not know what it is like to have nothing and have thier stuff turned off when they can not make the bills. I have always provided like a good H should.

i am not familiar with your whole story but my response to the question asked here is just ask her outright. no accusations or anger. just let her know that you would just like to know what she is planning.

from theresponses of the other posters i take it that you are divorcing your wife. in that case take JL's advice and see an attorney. you need to protect yourself. that includes your children of the marriage and your finances.

good luck

My advice is to legally establish the paternity of the child. I think that needs to be done first, so the state does not assume it is your child in case your wife gets welfare.

Well we went to court today for the divorce, and I signed the doc. to change the babies name.
We ate lunch later in the park and I asked her. She said she didn't know what she was going to do. She said she might put her maiden name on the birth certificate.

I asked if she was going to have the OM support the Baby. She said she would let the system go after him.

I took all my daughters stuff over to her today at she had here. I packed it to the porch and told the STBX that I had things to do and left.

Vsixer...

There is good in this world and surely it will be your's.

May I offer you a cyber-hug and a prayer for your new life ?

We care.

Eibrab

(((vsixer)))

i dont have any advice for you, but you are in my thoughts.

Well my daughter has decide not to spend fathers day with me(in divorce decree), because I think her mother is influencing her. Should I force her to spend the day with me anyway?

I just don't know what to do too get thru to her that I have change and will not be that person that her mother turned me into(mad, anger, yelling [email]a@@[/email] Hole). I do nothing but be as nice as I can when she is with me(not offten).

Vsixer...

No..don't force.

Children that age resent force of that kind.

Your actions will speak volumes when she is ready to listen. My daughter is the same age.. You have my complete understanding.

Eibrab

No, vsixer.

I wouldn't try to force her. 14 is a tough age. Whether she made that decision on her own or with her mother's influence, the day loses alot of meaning if she doesn't do it voluntarily.

Call her. Let her know you thought of her today, and love her very much.

Well its 4 pm where I live and my daughter has not even called me to tell me happy fathers day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My son did first thing this morning when he saw me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hope she is happy with doing what ever. Matter of fact the W and the D have not called all weekend. Last contact was Friday night.

Vsixer...

You are going to make it through this.

Please know that others care and understand.

Happy Father's Day...

Eibrab