REFLECTIONS OF THE PAST/ VISIONS OF THE FUTURE

As I lay down last night to spend my final night in my home of almost 19 years, listening to the hum of the air conditioner my mind was overwhelmed by memories. With tears rolling down my face in the dark I remember the warm spring day in May 1988 we moved into our home. How excited we were to have a place to call our own. The dreams we had for our future that day were so vivid in our minds.

Our oldest son was 3 and our beautiful daughter was 18 months old. We painted and laughed over the antics of our children playing in a backyard that would always be theirs. Life was good. In 1990 our youngest son was born. This has been the only home he has ever known.

Through the years we had pleanty of good times along with the bad. Jobs came and went, friends came and went. We both lost our fathers and hung on to each other for support and love. We almost lost our daughter at the age of six after she was hit by a car. But through all of this we leaned on each other.... He was my rock and I was his, never thinking the other would walk away.

We made it through all of the years of him being gone OTR. I was mom, dad and all around handy man. As lonely as I was I never once looked for anyone else to lean on. We enjoyed the times he was home as a family.

Then all of a sudden last year in June my whole world fell apart. My rock was gone, the man i loved for so many years didn't exsist anymore. So much has changed the home my children grew up in gone now, the man I loved is gone now and my son has gone too. As I packed away my life into boxes and touched the pictures and momentos of a lifetime together I wondered how did it all go so wrong? Why didn't I see it coming?

So now I morn the end of my life and marriage, I am now faced with a future I never planned. So through the tears I tried to picture what it will be like.

Moving so far away to be with my family to start a new life. I am excited about it but yet scared to death. I have never had to take on such a huge task alone. The excitement of being with loved ones almost over shadows the fears.

I ask myself will I be able to live alone in a new place? Will I be able to get a good enough job? And I guess the biggest question of all is will I find someone I can love one day, who will love me back?

There will always be in the back of my mind will WH one day see what he has done and regret it? I know I have no regrets for fighting to save our marriage, I tried my best to show him the changes and that we could be good again. Pride and anger has kept him from seeing it though, so as he plunges on full speed ahead I am taking it slow and steady to make the right decisions for me.

The future is out there waiting for me. I have no clue what it holds but I am looking forward to it with anticipation and some fear. The past will always be wonderful memories and a life I loved. I will never forget them nor regret them. I will always love the man I married , he has a special place in my heart that can't be taken by anyone. But there is room enough to make a future and be happy with someone else should that time ever come.

Its time to say goodbye to the past and remember it fondley and say Hello to the future whatever it holds.......


Hurting

best of luck to you Hurting.
My prayers are with you.

Blind

Hurting,

Geez you are a strong woman.

They say "it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" I don't know who they are but it is a famous quote.

Just know that you will do great without him.

You know for the WH I say this. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence for a reason. They take good care of it. If you decide to hop that fence and put the same effort into that grass it will certainly die too.

You on the other hand took care of yours and some day you will find a person that wants to help you water the lawn not just spread fertilizer on it.

I hope God will bless you and your family, and that you will find His plan for you. I am so sorry for your pain.

Beautifull post H.

Hurting - It sounds like you are going to give your new life a chance, and that is good.

My life has completely changed from what I wanted, but I am very happy again. You will get there too.

Your husband is the one that is going to have all of the regrets.

Hurting

You are well liked and very respected by the forum .....

You will be happy and do well in life because you are a teriffic woman!

Pep

Believer,

Yes I am ready to move on with my life and make me happy again. I am going to give it my all to make things good for me and my chidren. And your right WH will be the one with regrets someday.

Pep,

I just don't know what to say except thank you. I admire so many here and their wisdom. I pray one day I can be a help to someone who comes here. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the support I have recieved over these past 10 months.


Hurting

((((HURTING))))
I am so proud of you! You have grown so much this last year. I know there are wonderful things ahead for you. I know things will work themselves out w/ your kids. They have a great Mom.

I do feel kind of sorry for your WH, if he continues on this road he will never be happy. He will be a pathetic, lonely, bitter old man stuck living w/pighoskank.

Cha Cha,

I find myself feeling sorry for him as well. I know he is not happy but he continues on... Your right he will become a bitter old man as long as he lives his life like this.

As much as I feel sorry for him , I will not contimue to stand around here though and allow him to bounce back and forth. He is definatley on his own now.....


Hurting

{{{hurting}}} You KNOW how much I care for you and admire your strength. God will bless you in ways you can't even imagine. I will continue to pray for the boy of yours.

Hurting, I haven't been on the boards much lately. I just read your post and I want you to know that I wish you the best. It's hard giving up a life that you're used to and a man you love but you have the strength to move on and move ahead. It's heart breaking for sure but I know you'll get through. Stay strong and be positive. Good things will come.

Hurting,

You know I am wishing you all the peace, love, and happiness in your new life.

We are survivers.

((Hurting))

Love,
k.d.'s heartbreak

hurting---I can only speak from personal experience. My WW asked to come home early on and I granted it provided she adhere to condtions, which lasted all of 3 days. So she went back to OM and DD and I plodded along. Now that we are divorced and DD and I have moved 3 states away, it is hitting home as to what she has lost, gave away etc all for her selfishness and HIM. Believe me your WH will wake up from all this and if he's like my EX you will get the emails telling you all the crap that they are going through etc.. Well they make and can lay in their own bed. My DD andI have moved on and believe me we are loving life with out all the dram/trauma. Hopefully your DS will too look through opened eyes and want to reurn to the stable loving home that you can providde.
It's ok to have memories andsuch, but doesn't mean you can't start enjoying what life has in store for you.
hang in there

Hi Hurting,

I don't come by as much anymore, but when I come I look for you first. You have been such an instrument here even though you have hurt so much. I believe God will use all you have been through to help others. You are a special woman to all of those who can discern a loving,
caring person such as yourself. You will be a blessing to those who know love, but may be rejected by those who don't know love, or don't understand it. God is love, and you have known Him Hurting. Continue to trust. You say your husband was you "rock". Don't let anyone become your rock from now on except Jesus, he is the solid rock who will not disappoint you. He is your husband, and I believe He will take good care of you.

Gods future will always be good for you, may not always be easy though. I'm sorry you have had your life turned upside down in the last 10 months, I know it's been traumatic. But I see a new woman in you, and I hope and pray all the best comes to you.

Sent with Love,
Lady

Lady,

I don't have the words to express what your post means to me.

I believe my faith in God is what has kept me going these last 10 months. Without him I am not sure I would have made it through this. He has held me up in my darkest hours. I also know he will continue to hold me up when I have more dark hours and days.

The end is almost here and I will pray for him to be with me on that day as I know I will need him to get me through it. It was in his plan for me to find this wonderful place for support and to help others going through this tragedy.

God Bless to all of you...

Hurting

Hello to everyone

I am now officially moved out of my home. All that is left there is the things WH owns which is not much.

For now I am staying with my MIL. She has welcomed me into her home and has shown such love and support. I will be with her until my move to Va. which will be sometime after our court date on the 28 of this month.

Things with WH are still the same I assume. I dont' ask and for now I dont' want to know.

This has been very hard for me leaving my home and now I really feel in limbo without a place to call my own.

As uusal I am still doing all the dirty work while WH sits around and eats bon bon's with the bimbo. He was asked to please take our cat of 12 yrs and have her put down since I can't keep her. I don't have the heart to do it. Well of course his response is tell BS to grow up and do it herself. Again no responsbility for anything. he can just waltz out the door and not face anything. So today I have no choice but to deal with the cat situation myself.

I will be checking in from time to time as I don't have my pc right now only my MIL'S.

Take Care everyone

Hurting

{{{{hurting}}}}}
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat.

couldn't we just get the bimho put down?

I just posted this on carnation's thread thought I would share it with you.

Can you tell me why you wouldn't take wity you your beloved cat of 12 yrs? When you commit to a pet, you commit to it for it's life-time and don't dump it or euthanize it because your life changed and you don't want to deal with it any longer. I know rehoming a 12 yr old cat is next to impossible but did you try? There are rescues that may have been able to help you out.

I'm really at a loss for the right words. It's a throw away society and when it doesn't fit into our lives any longer or they take some time to repair they're discarded. You have other family there, SIL, MIL etc.

Hurting, you probably should have kept the cat euthanizing a perfecting healthy cat statement and that you WH isn't willing to deal with it to yourself.

I'm sorry, but I'm thoroughly disappointed and saddened. May your WH rot in ******. Sick SOB.