I have posted before under this name and time2decide. Long story - but I think you'll find the ending worth it.
Basically, WH had a deep EA and PA 10 years ago. I thought he was the love of my life. I had three young boys - 10, 8, 6 - stay at home mom (worked part time). It felt like death, only worse. Went through counseling, (joint - four counselors before we found one we felt connected with). He told me it was only EA, never any SF. Told me it went on from August until Jan - then it was over. Found out 8 months later that there was still contact - did full disclosure, inlcuding to OW's fiance.
Fast forward to Jan '06 - Found love poems, emails, on the computer while trying to save files from a virus attack. Different OW - sought an old middle school girl friend. She is married - I was told not to contact OW husband because he was "violent and I could have blood on my hands". Still insisted that I was the only woman he ever had SF with (he was a virgin when we met). Found out there was still contact 3 months after D-day and kicked him out. Full disclosure - Both affairs were full PAs. WS's lie like crazy - that's just how it is. Posted here often - did the enneagram, studied hard. Heck, I even called Dr. Harley's radio show. Most of my family and friends don't understand why I'm bothering - they say I should have D'd him years ago - heard rumors of other indiscretions.
I have not been blameless. I have been too focused on small, insignificant, distractions. I have been insecure, complaining, irritable, engaged in LBs to try to get him to connect. When he connected with these other women, it was a stabbing worse than 100 knives.
Stillwed used to post here and I think she may have saved my WHs life by encouraging me to check into the Mankind Project (
www.mkp.org) - they have trainings all over the world. When I sent him packing, I told him he couldn't come back unless he agreed to go to the first available weekend. WH went to the New Warrior Training last weekend. His lifelong fog is lifting - he's found a connection with his inner spirit that he never had. He's finally facing the injury of a very poor masculine role model (his Father) he had while growing up. He is discovering something bigger than himself. He is becoming comfortable in his own skin.
He is back at home - we're both in IC. I am learning to accept his spirit. The New Warrior Training graduation is tomorrow - we're both going even though it is a four hour drive from here. The project continues for him with 8 weekly integration sessions and a three month program with a mentor. After that there are weekly support sessions.
Our marriage may or may not survive these insults. But I now have the peace of knowing that the man I have loved for 26 years can make it with or without me. He is becoming a New Warrior of the 21st century.
Please, if you are a man who feels "stuck", or if you're married to a man that just doesn't seem "connected" - check out this program. It's too early to tell for us, but last week has been one of the best of our marriage!
PS they have trainings for women too - I'm checking into that!
The test of your fullness in every moment is your capacity to die in free and loving surrender, knowing you've done everything you could do while alive to give your gift and know the truth of being - - from David Deida,
The Way of the Superior Man recommended reading from The Mankind Project.
Peace and Love to all
TT
