Spouse works in the medical field and has a skillset that is highly in demand. The problem? She gets involved in issues that don't involve her. This has happened again resulting in her being terminated. 2 years ago she started a job, worked 4 days and was canned for causing ill will in the unit. Several years before that she decided to stick up for a coworker who was canned for not doing her job (paperwork was 3 months behind, she was late, etc) and asked to resign. I sense a trend.

I was traveling last week (I do a lot of single day trips for work) when she told me about this recent firing. I asked her what happened, she said that she was ready for a change and that it was meant to happen. I asked her what her plans were for the future. "Oh, I was so overworked that I thought I'd take a couple of months off for myself". Huh? It was a one day/week job that she said was easy.

We worked on a budget this morning and I asked her what her plans were. She mentioned the summer off to rest, garden and relax. Fine, I said, but we're going to have to make some cuts. No trip out west to visit your sister and no vacations (her income pays for our daughter's tuition and stuff like trips). I axed a few items out of the budget and all seemed ok. I went back to my normal Saturday routine (lots of naps, I usually work 5 14hr days).

After I fed my daughter and made something for dinner I went back to bed. When I woke up I walked into the kitchen and heard her say "well, if he's not going to do more, he's out of here, I'm not taking this crap". I got some water and went into the other room. When the call ended I asked her what was wrong, she seemed upset. Her friend suggested that I take on another job. Huh? When? That failing I should demand a much higher salary (I got a 20% increase last year, I'm maxed out). I'm looking for work but we live in a small town (30k) and IT jobs here aren't paying six figures. I do love what I do.

I'm confused. I do the best I can to support us and we do ok. 2 decent cars, a nice home, good school for our daughter and we really don't want for anything. I make a nice salary that is higher that most of the people I know. It's busy work but I love it (ok, the travel I hate but there isn't much I can do there). I've applied for jobs elsewhere but she never likes the cities there in, as a matter of fact she wants to move to a smaller town that is 3 hours west of here. I have the chance to work in Iraq but I'd rather not risk that one. Been there, done that.

We talked more, I told her my feelings on this but she's very PO'd now. I was too tired to argue and let it pass when she talked about how much her ex BF made (class act that one, he hit her several times before she had enough). Her sister has even mentioned to her about her constant talk of money.

How would you deal with this?

For the most part I love her but I don't understand this behavior.

I am a little confused by your post. Something doesn’t jive. I can’t put my finger on it though. She does not sound like a very good wife, but I do not sense any hard feelings about it on your part. Is there something more to the story?

But a couple of points if I take your post at face value.

First of all, she needs to make sure that before she starts another job that she understands that a job is there for her to serve someone else and in return to get paid for it. She goes to work to make money, and not to socialize. Does she have enough friends outside of work? Of course, there is very little you can do to help her, since her career is her career, and trying to help will be viewed as patronization.

Second of all, whether she quits, or whether you get a different job is not her decision or your decision. Her quitting or not working affects the life of the entire family, so whether she goes back to work or not needs to be discussed between the two of you. Financial options need to be discussed.

Third of all, the two of you need to sit down once a week for an hour and discuss your relationship. Carve an hour, and just talk.

Good luck!

We talked about this yesterday. Went for a hike, our daughter played in the river/stream while we chatted.

She's upset because we live in a small town and the hospitals here don't really need someone with her skillset. Her anger is focused towards the healthcare industry for the most part. Some of it is at me because I haven't done enough to "get out of here". We could move but I won't be guaranteed a job and I'm not going to work at WalMart/Target until I find something. I'd rather wait until something is available.

Friends? A few. Her bitterness either drives them away or pulls her into other groups of bitter people. Myself? I usually let negative people slip out of my life.

Last night we discussed some options. Her former boss wants her to take on an administrative role. It's close, 1.5 miles from home. The hours are flexible. She didn't want to take it because I travel a lot and cannot always head home if something happens.

Hard feelings? Not really. It frustrates me to some extent but I've let it go. I am not going to become an enabler and go out and save her. I've given her options, such as returning to college to get a degree she could use.

She did indicate that she's not happy with our financial situation - "things were better when I was single". Duh, you lived in a 250/mo apartment and were making 50k. No car payment, few expenses. When you add a mortgage to it, private school and whatnot things get iffy. In a perfect world we'd all make 1mill/yr, would get 4 weeks vacation and would have no bills. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Brave New World this isn't.