Well WH was served with D papers last week. Emotionally and physically I had to end this torment. I had exposed to everyone etc., but he showed no ending the A, no remorse etc. Not that I really expected him to. He's still in the fog. He's spending $$ on OW like crazy. He was parading OW around town. Friends of mine saw them together. Thank goodness I never ran into them with my kids in tow. Kids are already messed up from all of this.

I felt D was my only option. I have to protect my kids. They need a role model, not an infidel.

I am doing plan B, just because I can't stand to look at him knowing what he's done and how he's changed our family's lives. He makes me physically sick.

Who knows if he and OW will last. At this point I hope they are happy together. They both destroyed a lot of lives and they deserve each other.

Sorry for sounding so bitter, just needed to vent today I guess.

I'm here listening to and feeling for you catgirl.

So much pain, torment, destruction in the childish, selfish, me-first A world.

My heart goes out to you.

Thanks MDC.

D was truly never what I wanted. I said I would fight till the end for my kids. But I just had enough.

Hope that doesn't make me a weak person.

I still think I did the right thing, but I'm scared of what lies ahead, scared of being alone, scared of tons of stuff, and as sick as it is, a small slice of me, tells me I shouldn't have given up.

Hi Catgirl--

I usually lurk but I wanted to tell you that I'm feeling for you. I'm at the end of my rope with my bf and I feel the same way that you do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I've started looking for an apartment but I'm not telling him until the last day that I'll be at the house. Not that he'll care if I go anyway. He's made that obvious by the fact that he's over at the OW house right now. He doesn't think I know, but I do. I just can't get over the thought that he's scum who doesn't deserve me. Your WH doesn't deserve you either. You are too good to accept his disrespectful behaviour. Don't forget that. Good luck and I'll be thinking of you.

HU2006

People have told me that I deserve better. And I do know that. No H who loves his wife and family would ever do this to them. It's just we've been together for many years, I really don't want to start over again. I thought I'd be with him till the end. In a sick way I still love him. How crazy is that?!!

And in a twisted sort of way, I'm hoping that WH will wake up before D is final and want to work on things.

Some days I say no way will I ever take him back, thus the filing, and as I said a small slice of me still wants my old H back again.

It's so very sad. Somedays I feel like I am truly losing it.

People have told me that for the entire 14 years of my relationship with my bf. Not because he's abusive or anything, but because we're different kinds of people. I'm a people person and he's not. I feel the same exact way that you do--I thought that we'd be together forever-and we can be--IF I can get over my little aberration to him having sex and being with another woman! (insert sarcasm.) It's my decision to leave--it's going to completely astonish him. LOL I came to the realization today that the price I am paying for being with him is TOO HIGH!


I read that here today and I don't remember who posted it, but it struck a cord with me. (Of course they were talking about how they felt about themselves after they had an affair, but it explains how I feel so I copied it.) I'm a good person. I love with my whole heart and soul and I try to be the best person that I can be. My bf even told me that I'm the nicest and best person who he knows. But you know what? I deserve to be treated better. I believe this about me and I believe it about you too.

Remember what everyone here says--this isn't your H--it's your WH and they are two very different animals. Good luck and know that you will be okay.

HU2006

CatGirl,

My husband should also be served this week. It wasn't what I wanted either. He said he was going to file this week anyways. He has stopped willingly giving money to help support me and the girls. I have to do it to protect us. It is so very hard. I do love him, but like you, I wonder how a person can distroy their family like this.
He still does not admit to an A, but I know for a fact that it is ongoing. He has even resorted to telling my daughter this weekend to not tell mommy about the secret cell phone he has to contact OW. My daughter heard the OW tell him that she loved him. Talk about a broken heart. He lied to my daughter and told her that it was a male friend. I have exposed their A, but they are still keeping it secret. I know that eventually the people he has believing his lies, will see what is really happening.

I wonder some days how I will go on, and I truly do lose it some days. When the girls where gone yesterday, I had to resort to calling a suicide hotline for someone to talk to. I also have my best fiend I speek to daily to help me.
I know the A, will not last. OW is known for this type of thing. H is a changed person now, I don't know that my old H will ever come back.
I am afraid, I am lonely. He was my life, and it is hard to let him go. I know that a D, isn't final. I hold hope that he will wake up one morning and realize what he has done. But do I deserve him back?

Hang in there, I know what you are going through. I feel your pain.

Mandy76,
Wow, could have been me writing your post.

Our M wasn't perfect, but I was more than willing to work on it. He I guess felt otherwise. I hate him for destroying what we could have had, our family etc.

Kids are having a tough time.

I don't know the A won't last though. She's left her H, WH and she are living together now in WH's apt. She's 17 years younger than WH. People say it won't last. Who knows? She says she loves him.

I too am hoping in a sick way that the papers scared the sh** out of him, and he'll wake up and realize what he's done. But I doubt it. He was here already taking the stuff that he left here, to his apt. So I think his pride would never bring him back here again.

If he would show remorse, guilt, admit to the A, maybe I wouldn't have served him. People make mistakes, I realize that. Forgiveness is hard, but it can happen. But nothing on his part to come clean. Not that I expected it anyway.

He too was my life and I get kind of tired hearing that I have to do now for me and the kids, move on. So hard to do, when I never wanted to be on this road to begin with.

I feel for all of you, too. My wife and I are clearly heading for divorce all because of her inability to stop her affair. I've tried and tried to get her to stop and work on our marriage, but as you all know the addiction can be incredibly powerful.

What really sent us in the final throws of separation and divorce was me contacting the OM and trying to reason with him to stop the affair for both of our family's sake (he is married too). He called my WS up and she went ballistic.

Now she is trying to isolate me from the family by doing things with my MIL (who has taken sides with her) her step children, and my son without inviting me or even telling me what is going on.

I just came back from her grandparents house where I saw her car. Everyone is there, grandparents, MIL, my son. etc. but I wasn't told or invited. I walked in and said, "Well, I guess I wasn't invited." The MIL's response, "We didn't thing you liked what we're having for dinner."

Yeah, right. I kissed my son and said goodbye. He said, "You can stay, Daddy."

I said, "No, I don't think anyone really wants me to stay. I'll see you later."

So now I'm at home alone. My wife has apparently told my stepson that it's okay to bring his girlfriend over and spend the night in his room (he's 17). I guess when your own morals collapse it's hard to enforce any morals or values on someone else.

But, Catgirl, I'm thinking of you. It's painful now, I know. But we'll all get through this someday and look back on it as dark times with valuable lessons learned.

Catgirl - Can you give more information, and on one thread? I'm having trouble following you.

Cat & Mandy,
Don’t look at plan B as “quitting”. You may have contributed to the conditions for an A to begin, like all of us BS have. But you certainly did not actively choose to be a BS. If WS cannot be brought out of the fog, you have to do what it takes to protect you and your family.

And something I have come to realize, the future isn’t written yet. Who knows what outcome your actions today may cause in the domino affect down the line. Us humans are not omnipresent. Just have faith in somebody that is; sit back; buckle your seat-belt and enjoy the ride.
--d2m3b.

"People have told me that I deserve better. And I do know that."

This is a slippery slope to be going down.

I look at it this way and things are really starting to make sense.

Forget about what you deserve. Think to yourself "am I better off without them in my life?"

Forget about finding better, forget about what you deserve. For today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life are you better off without that person in your life. Put more emphasis on tomorrow and the rest of your life because today things may be bad.

I don't need someone to complete me I want someone that is complimentary to me. I am quite capable of being self sufficient and am willing to do so if necessary.

The other thing that I am realizing is that maybe there is a point where too much damage has been done. That no matter what they do today, tommorow or the rest of our lives will never make up for that damage.

It is like my house got knocked down and now I have to decide if it is worth building in the same spot or moving to a new safer location. If I live in hurricane alley I may decide to build somewhere else.