My husband and I have been married almost a year and we are falling apart fast! He's developed a bad drinking problem and is becoming distructive. As I write this we are seperated and haven't spoken in 3 days. We have 3 kids and they are suffering too. I miss my friend/husband and so do our kids. I hate not being able to talk and spend time like we used to and now all we ever seem to do is argue. He's started putting the oldest child in the arguments and she's torn on what to say, think or do. I've tried to get him to go to counseling but there's always an excuse. I'm so confused and need some advise. There's alot more to our story but by the time I'd write it all it would be a book. Please give me some insight or sense of direction before my marriage ends. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I'm an alcoholic, 32 yrs old. Sober for 3 years. My father is an alcoholic and never got help.

My mother stayed with him until I was 19 and my brother was 15. She met and married a wonderful man 5 years later who treats her like a queen. Both my brother and I wish she'd have left sooner, we didn't realize anything was abnormal and thought every family was like this.

When I became old enough to drink I slowly became my father. I'm lucky to be alive in many ways. I took the same chances with drinking and driving as my father did, I thought it was normal, Dad was doing it. Luckily I didn't hurt anyone. As a child of an alcoholic my advice would be, "don't put your children through this".

I'm not suggesting to leave, just sharing my story. If he's not willing to help himself I think you're in for a lifetime of problems like my mother, brother and I. I quit drinking for a particular woman who gave me the option of her or the bottle. I didn't marry her but will always be thankful.

Good luck, be strong.

I don't know your whole story, but I'm guessing it doesn't get any better and doesn't excuse his addiction problem. If he's does not realize he has an addiction problem - if the risk of losing his family over his addiction is not a wake-up call - and if he is not willing to seek help - I am sorry to say, my advice is to move on or at least continue being separated until he starts getting regular help and shows sincere efforts of trying.

I am one of 3 daughters of an alcoholic and physically abusive father. My mother wisened up and left him when I was 4. Because of that, my father's behavior never became "normal" in my mind - the way it did for marriedforlife. And my mother's strength and endurance was a role model for me.

You have to think about your kids and the longterm effects his bahavior WILL have on them. Divorce is not easy for kids, but even worse for kids is a bad example for a father and for parents. Like marriedforlife said, him & his brothers wish their mother left their dad a long time ago. Sometimes "working it out for the kids" is NOT the best thing for you or the kids.

I know you probably don't want to hear this. But be strong, give your H tough love, and work on your inner strength. You can do it!! You and your kids deserve it.

Strength is the hardest thing to find right now and what strength I am finding is watching my kids for the past few days at my sister-in-laws house living in peace. For the past few nights we all have slept better than we have in a long time and I have actually started sleeping like a normal person instaed of lying awake staring at the ceiling wondering what happen to the man I fell in love with and married. I miss that man so much and we all want him back so bad. We are supposed to be meeting tonight to talk. I can say I'm scared but I know we need to talk before I take the kids and move back to my hometown to start over. But I know if our talk doesn't go well I know what I have to do to save myself and my kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

I am deeply empathetic with what you are coping with there.
I grew up in a home where the abuse of alcohol played a major role and it isn't any fun.
Just a suggestion: Have someone you both can feel comfortable with present during the meeting/s.
God bless you.....all of you.

I tlked with my h lastnight and we had his sister present but just for a monitor. He agreed to go to AA starting this evening if I would go with him. Of course I said yes. We also called a marriage counsoler this morning and we have an appt for next Wed. We are also putting the kids in counsoling too. He also told me part of his problem is dealing with the death of his father which he lost 3 yrs ago. So we are going to ask the counsoler if there is some king of help he can get to deal with that. We joked that we would be seeing counsolers more than we'd be seeing each other but if it will help save our marriage and our family then it's all worth it. He also told me that he hadn't had a drink since the night I left with the kids. I don't know if it's true but the 8 hours we were together he didn't have a drink which is very good for him because on a normal day for him he has a least one drink an hour or more. So maybe this the first step to saving everything, I just want to take baby steps to see where we go. Please keep praying for us as we pray together.

I am happy to hear he's willing to go to AA and counseling. Best of luck... my prayers are with you and your family!!

Congratulations! AA was my best resource when I quit. The stories you'll hear are invaluable.

The story thats kept me from drinking was a 35 yr old man, it was his 2nd round at AA. The first round, he was married with children. He didn't stick with the program, he said he couldn't relate to anyone there and he wasn't like any of them. Second time around, he was divorced and his kids weren't talking to him at that time. He realized he had a problem after all.

I don't want to be that guy and that's what keeps me sober. Life is too short to make all your own mistakes. If you have an opportunity to learn from somone else's mistake, do it.

This is great news! Good luck, and good for you that you're going with him.

Memphischick - Don't forget about Al Anon for you. It's a support group for family members of alcoholics. You need to go to Al Anon just as badly as your H needs to go to AA