Hello to all......

It's been a long, long time since I have posted here.

Just thought I would give an update if anyone is interested.

So, after 5+ years, STBX WH is with OW, and divorce is in the works.

Dr. Harley is right. If things don't work out on the M front, in 2 years the slighted spouse will no longer care about their WS. This is very true in my case.

STBX told me he was going to "hate" me, and it seems that he does. He has told our children that he was going to "take me down, and put me out in the street". Indeed, he is trying to do that.

However, in this state (Washington) - a no fault state - the law states settlement will be "fair and equatable" (spelling?). My lawyer says that this usually leans in the favor of the wife.

And, in my own favor, even if STBX does indeed put me out in the street, he can no longer hurt me.

I am trying to be "fair", and play by the "rules". But STBX is not. He's selling off this and that, and now refuses to pay half of the mortgage payment, and for the car he bought me (that I didn't want in the first place).

So, it's another call to my lawyer in the morning ($$$$$)!. And I have an appointment with my banker to get pre-qualified for re-financing the house - or buying another or whatever happens.

I'm working all I can to make ends meet.....but am just barely making it.

Still in all, I am extremely relieved to no longer have STBX and all of his drama in my life.

My thoughts on the whole situation? Infidelity sucks!!!!! But it is possible to live thru it (and cheers to those whose M still survives!) and come out of it with some self-respect and dignity.

All things I've learned here from the best people I have had the great fortune to meet.

I often give out MB website address, and steer those who need it to "Surviving An Affair".

Thank you, my friends!

K72172

Hiya K,

Long time no hear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So you have reached your turning point. Filing was done by you and for you. The WS didn't make you do it until you were ready. Good.

From the time we frist come to MB and learn about that 'roller coaster', most of us would never beleve our world could settle back down into something manageable and then we can move forward. U R a success story!

The WS full of hate is a sad little man. Truly, life for him as a WS can't go up but only down, below the dirt.

As you move forward, time will show that the WS has nothing to base his hate on. His grumblings will fall on deaf ears and he may seek out others to keep his fantasy alive (that u r evil and he is the victim). But the world will see he is blowing smoke and his credibility w/b tarnished. In time he w/b ignored for his babble.

In the meantime, you will have moved forward and should your paths cross......well he s/b the one who makes the effort. Most of your work is done. It w/b your choice from now on.

Take care and please, help us post. As you can see there's a whole new bumper crop out there.....reminds us of where we've been......

aloha,
L.

Hi K,

well, no matter what..............you can always say that you gave your best!!!!

It's a shame that your husband didn't "Wake Up"

hugs
bb

Hi Orchid and BB...

There are a whole lot of things that are as you say "a shame" in this kind of ordeal.

And yes, it is sad to say that there is a whole new bumper crop of the same coming up now.

Infidelity is an epidemic. And, in my many nights of thinking about this, I think we would find that most marriages end because of infidelity. I think the only other cause would be some kind of abuse - physical, mental, or emotional.

But my guess is that perhaps 80 to 90% of marriages end because of infidelity.

Just a guess.

My STBX is indeed going around talking "$hit" about me. Even to our children. Apparently, no one is going to make him stop.

Maybe because they don't believe any of it. But who wants to hear that kind of thing anyway?

Like I said before, he can no longer hurt me.

This is MY success story!

I'll be around.....don't know what help I can be to anyone....I seem to have been the poster child for what NOT to do.

The best advice I can give to anyone, is to make a stand (follow the MB principles) and hold to the mark.

It isn't easy, but it's the only way to make it thru - to recovery of the M, or recovery of yourself.

LOVE THAT!

K

Hey K!
Its good to hear from you. You know...he so doesn't deserve you! He can wallow in his misery and be a pathetic, bitter old man while you on the other hand are enjoying life and your new independance and not be bothered by his antics. You will live longer AND happier.

*clink* heres to you K and standing up for yourself!

K,

I'm more than sure that others can benefite from your experience.

Since I have followed your posts from the beginning on, I have to say that I truely admire you for the strength you have developed.
I'm sure that many others would simply "Fall apart" but you choose to be true to "yourself".

You have "ALL" reasons to feel prowd of yourself and for the person you now are.

You can for sure look in the mirror and smile to yourself!!!
K, you are precious and I wish I knew you in person because I would love to have a friend like you.

take care
bb

Thanks guys! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It hasn't been an easy road, but I do know this...

Strength can be found.

Feelings can change (thank God for that!)

Lives do go on!

Since I have always taken care of all of our financial dealings during our M, it don't find it difficult to find ways to make it on my own.

It all just seems like such a mess now.

But, I know in my heart, that even if I do end up on being put out of my house....even if I lose every material thing, I know I can work and make my own way.

And I KNOW I can have a good and happy life.

And PEACE.

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Stop trying to be fair.

Just win.

Hey Noodle....

LMFAO!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think I've already won!! WH is out of my life, no more hurt, no more drama. (Still have that nasty STD WH and OW gave me tho. Herpes......the gift that keeps on giving!)

I am trying to get everything I can. But in the end, I think that the judge will split things up.

We have a settlement conference on July 31.

And my lawyer is a TIGER!

At one of our meetings, she said at the end, "Your H is a pig".

I couldn't agree more.

Calling him a pig is offensive to pigs.

Glad to see you are doing better..too bad about the no fault state.

In my perfect world..a WS who abandons the family loses all claim to any and all assets..money..custody rights..everything.

Think I could make that a campaign platform in this Paris Hilton obsessed Brangelina adoring society?

Go over like a lead balloon..no?

If you campaign, Noodle.....

Well, I'll support you. You live in the same world I do.

And how many times did WH tell me I could have everything (this was when he was sooooooooooo madly in love with OW that he would do anything to get away from me)?

Wonder how in love he is with her now?

STBX DEFINITELY doesn't live in the same world I do.....let alone on the same planet.

But the fact of the matter is, I deserve everything.

He deserves OW.

And maybe your lead balloon will land on Paris Hilton.........just a thought.......

PS.....my humble apology to pigs.

Especially to the pig with wings that hangs from my rear view mirror!

WHEN PIGS FLY!

Hey K,

Good to hear from you...you sound good...ready to move on and take the next steps. You fought the good fight and gave it all you've got...no looking back...just forward now. Enjoy your life....you have prepared well for this next step. Stay strong....I'm looking forward to your eventual happiness.

SS

Hi Sure Survivor.......

Thanks....I feel good.

Happiness seems to come in blocks......getting thru one thing, then the next.

Now I have to get thru the settlement conference (unfortunately STBX will be there - haven't seen or heard from him since first part of March).

Then, I will know how to proceed from there.

I'm not looking back at all. Glad that it's finally (in my heart, anyway) over with.

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey there K -

I'm so glad to hear you're doing better. I've often wondered how things are with you.

Go forward holding your head high and knowing you have a great future.

FIM

Hey FIM!!!!

How are you doing? I think of you often.....I followed your thread closely for a long time. I really looked up to you and how you handled every bit of your situation.

How are all the little FIMs doing?

Yeah, you know, my future's so bright, I have to wear shades!

At my age, shades might look like the ones you wear after cataract surgery!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

That's okay......being 50+ has it's advantages. Grandchildren are the greatest of those advantages.

My head finally getting screwed on right is the best!

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

just wanted to check in on you. How are you doing k???

bb

God bless you.

Walked this path too. And my xh was as bad as yours...wanting to take me down and did dastardly things financially to me and I had to have TWO laywers to sic on him...and he still squirmed around with the $$$ as some assets were funneled outta the country.

You are a champ! You did all you could do and your KIDS KNOW IT! The family knows it!

And your STBXH? He will as it seems join the "sith lords of America" club with darth. Funny thing is...when he gets the OW...HE DOESN'T REALLY WANT HER ANYMORE. My xh was stuck suddenly with a very pregnant OW and a second woman screaming to him about committment and such...

that was not in the end appealing to him.

He's not been faithful to the affair wife ONE DAY since their marriage. Not at all. Two weeks ago my son told me that on their "fantasyland disneyworld" trip he got mad at her, and MADE HER GET OUT OF THE CAR AND STRANDED HER ROADSIDE ON A HIGHWAY...and just drove off for about 30 min.

What a wonderful gem of a man huh? I wonder in silent moments like that...of personal reflection...that family values, his affair wife as I call her, realize that she SCREWED UP IN BECOMING A MISTRESS...AND THAT SHE IS GETTING WHAT SHE DESERVED?

Just be the strong one. Sorry honey, but it's fallen on OUR shoulders to be morally sound. OUr X's are morally bankrupt.

We have to be stalwart and rock solid for the kids. But it's a job I'll do with a smile all day long.

God bless you and I am praying 4 your new life adventure!

You did already win! You did honey.

You'll find this road difficult yet new and sometimes (sometimes not all the time) exciting...but it is tiring. But when you don't have to carry the dead weight around of the WS on your back, it's a giddy almost feeling. WAs for me.

I swear...the day I found out my D was final I cried my eyes out...then the strangest thing happened. I felt like the burden had been lifted. That it was as if God had said that it was ok to let it go. That I was no longer bound to this man who made a mockery of a sacred vow ordained by God. That I was set free...chains of sorrow severed and I was released. That's how I felt. I will never forget that feeling...very surreal yet profound.