OK, OK...I'll give you an update...but I dont have time right now...I'll be back today to give you a full update..I promise <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sending aloha 2 mom23boys. Anxious to hear from u 2!

Hugz,
L.

There are so many new faces here...so much pain...It hurts to see how much pain people are in when you read what they are going thru. I have stayed away for many reasons, the main is so I can heal myself instead of living in the constant, daily drama of what goes on behind an A. When you are reading here daily, the triggers are so common.

As for me, Well I think I am doing very well. The divorce was final in Oct. For several months dad did not want to follow the "rules" of the decree and would do whatever he dared well pleased. We have been back to court 3 times since Oct.

I am in school fulltime and was working parttime (for my lawyer). I am still working this summer while I dont have the boys. WE do the two week on twoo week off schedule in the summer.

OW and OC are living with dad. The boys seem to really like their little sister. I think OW is working at his clinic and her mother watches all the kids when they are there.

I send a cell phone with the boys when they go to his house, but he turns it off...surprise surprise.

I love going to school and am working hard on finishing my eduction. It's very tough along with raising the boys alone, but I'm doing very well.

I'm happy and have very little triggers. I still have my bad days a I am sure I always will, but for the most part the boys and I are doing very well and we are very happy.

I got to keep my house and have refinanced it.
That's the short version. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

It's good 2 hear you're doing well, m23b!

-ol' 2long

Thanks for the update. Your story gives me hope that after everything is over I will be able to move on and be happy again.

NO matter what happens, this is only temporary...which ever path you take, you WILL Be happy again...BUT you have to realize NO ONE can make you happy...you have to make yourself happy...happiness comes from WITHIN...and it is an everyday conscience decision...

I know it is very hard to see past any of what you are going thru right now, but someday you will be able to...someday you WILL be able to tell yourself that you WILL NOT live with this drama anymore...

Now that is not to say that I dont still have drama...WE have three kids together and unfortunately we do not/cannot speak to each other about them...actually we can as long as OW is not around..we can actually have a civilized conversation, but if she is in the car or near him he is rude, disrespectful and mean...I choose not to deal with it..I am civil nice and always pleasant with him...he has not gotten over the divorce nor has he moved on..he is not happy...

but that is not my problem...I choose to be drama freee...

YOU will be too some day!

Oh, I'm sooooo happy for you. And you got to keep your home!!!!

Are you seeing anyone, or just waiting for awhile?

Yes, I am seeing a wonderful man who treats me very well. Tells me how beautiful I am and respects me and supports me in my studies. HEs a wonderful man and I really feel special when I am with him.

We dont live together or spend the night with each other when either one of us has our kids. WHich is usually all the time. WE are on opposite schedules so it makes it difficult to get any alone time.

Our kids get along great! He's a good guy.

I never went looking for a guy, but when opportunity knocked I opened the door. I felt far enough into my recovery to let myself love again and that is what I have done.

I'm very happy!

M23B, you sound so much calmer and more grounded than I think I've ever read from you before. I'm so glad to see it!

I am sooo very happy for you. How wonderful Mom. Things are good here too. FWS and I are in year 6 of recovery. I have the opposite situation, he gave up OW after d day.

You are so right. You will be happy either way it goes. My h is also very happy and knows he made the right choice. I see your WS made the wrong choice and is living with the end result. He cannot be happy with his choice because it was the wrong one. It's funny, when you live your life following a certain standand, in the end there is happiness. (The old open the window, close the door thing). When you make poor choices (WS), then you live with them (literally in his case). My guess is that he is still with her because he needs someone to do the laundry and take care of the kids while he works. Hugs to you. You are a gem and deserve to be happy. Thinking of you! Jersey Girl

So nice to hear from you Mom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am bumping this for your pal Tired Dad.

It's great to hear your life is finally falling into place <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't recall whether I ever actually posted to you, but I read a lot of your story, and I just want to say congratulations; you deserve to be happy. That guy will figure out how ridiculous he is one day, but he won't be your problem when he does!

Kandi,

I am sorry that I said you "took sides". Maybe you didn't, I do not know for sure. But I can say that I read several text messages you sent back and forth with Angela that were very critical of me and very compassionate of her as the victim of me. I know that you have stayed in constant contact with her, giving her moral support.
I wonder, did she tell you her affair was ongoing, with definite plans to marry after both divorces were final?
Did she tell you that she was sytematically trying to provoke me to get into arguements so that she could record them for leverage over me?
I listened to one of the recordings yesterday, it was of her approaching me about 6 weeks ago and preaching to me about how I will not speak poorly of OM to the kids,and if I cannot hold my tongue then I better not go to the boys baseball games and talk to people. Well, I think my angry response was well warranted and understandable.
Fortunately, aside from getting angry and yelling from time to time, although not for quite awhile now, I NEVER laid hands on her.
The worst she would be able to prove by any tapes is that I am a liar JUST LIKE HER.

The funny thing is, OM is playing both women. He tells Angela he loves her and that she is his future bride and of their life together, all the while refusing to cooporate with his wife to get a divorce.
He was able to keep his family with his wife and kids, have that stability, while having a stupid slut drive up and service him during his lunch break with no strings attached.

Sign me up for that deal! Just kidding, I wouldn't stoop that low.

My advice to you Kandi would be to support Angela as a friend, but do not believe anything she tells you, and let her know that she has strayed so far from the path of decency, and she needs to quit what she is doing which is ruining her kids life.
She burned her last bridge with me. I am glad to be rid of her. But she will always be our kids mother.
Right now she has nobody in her circle doing anything but accepting her sob story and treating her as the victim. They say that it is my fault that OMW got ahold of her. They say I am damaging the kids. She has nobody with an ounce of sense or morality or decency telling her that she is in any way in the wrong.
Just remember, she is very, very good at manipulating and presenting her self as the poor victim, the martyr.
She is a lost soul, and I can no longer be a part of it lest she continue to bring me down into her abyss.
I hit rock bottom of this situation and am now beginning to climb out of it, of this I am sure.
I am thankful. God gave me what I needed to let go, to end my pain and agony.

Again, I am no chiorboy. But I was not a horrible man or husband last summer, and am a better person than last summer at this time.
Unfortunately for Angela, last summer she began her journey in to the abyss, and she clearly has not reached her rock bottom as of yet.
I do feel sorry for her, but I know longer love her. The Angela from Germany back in 1994-1995, I still love and miss dearly.
The Angela from 1987, when we started dating as 15yrs old (her) and 17yrs old (me) clear through to the Angela of Feb05, I will always love and miss dearly. But she is gone. And I have made peace knowing that she will never, ever come back.
The despicable person that exists now is in now way deserving of any attention or compassion from me.

If I never hear from you again because you are upset with me based upon the lies Angela has fed you, then I am sorry that our friendship has ended. I always did and still do support you in the struggles you had with Ed. What he did was wrong, PERIOD. You did not deserve that.

Take care Kandi, I wish you only the best.

Casey

Thank you all for your replies...

I am having a hard time right now as I have not seen my boys in almost two weeks. Some things will never change and for the most part I do pretty well accepting things, but ED or EFC as I call him now, is very vindictive and he uses my kids to get to me...

I really try very hard NOT to let it bother me, but he goes way overboard sometimes...and when I am so depressed as I am right now, It is hard not to let it get to me...

As for you Casey, I dont know what to tell you. I am sorry you are going thru what you are going thru. It is NONE OF MY BUSINESS what goes on with you and A. I know that YOUR AFFAIR with your partner(s) did not help in her decision to divorce you.

I think you use those kids of yours as pawns just as Ed does. How is that good? PLEASE do what is right Casey and move on...Plesae do not bring those babies into this any more.

I have NEVER supported A in her A last summer and you know that. I do support her in her D. I probably would not support her had you not gone and had your OWN affair. I would probably be trying to get her to reconcile. I am sorry you are going thru this...IT SUCKS getting a divorce...I KNOW...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Casey, I just read your post to me...I only skimmed it before...I am shocked...You called your W a slut on this board? OMG!

You are right, I dont know what is going on behind closed doors there...I only know what she is telling me...That you called the OMW to your house and allowed her access to your wife and then sat there and watched her beat your wife up in front of your D...that she called the POlice and YOU told the police she attacked you...YOU then had her arrested and sent to jail....and then got a TRO against her...

CAsey, I am appalled at this last turn of events...

Lets just say its NOT true....if it's NOT true..the how did she end up in jail? with a restranging order against her own children? And how did the OMW end up at YOUR HOUSE???

I listen to A when she needs someone to talk to...SHe has been there for me and I will continue to be there for her...

Some of the things that go on with you two NEEDS TO STOP NOW...for God sakes, CAsey, do itfor the kids...Angela is the MOTHER of your children...do not call her names in front of them...do not degrade her in front of them...

Momto3boys I strongly recommend that you read Casey's update thread in full. She ended up in jail because she did attack him and left visible marks from her attack on his neck. He did call OMW to his house but he met her outside but she rush to confront his WW, they ended up in a fight so his first concern was to move DD to her room so she couldn't see what was happening and then break up the fight, problem was that DD kept coming out of her room so he had to keep going back and put DD back into her room.

I find this paragraph Ironic though:

"I have NEVER supported A in her A last summer and you know that. I do support her in her D. I probably would not support her had you not gone and had your OWN affair. I would probably be trying to get her to reconcile. I am sorry you are going thru this...IT SUCKS getting a divorce...I KNOW..."

You say you never supported her in her Affair last summer when in fact the affair never ended, the affair never ever stopped it seems.

The divorce part though is what is really ironic, you say you are supporting her in her divorce because of his affair, that part is interesting because she is still in an affair and the affair she is in never ended. So basically you are saying his screw up which he has repented for and has done all the things that would be request of a WS to do in order to become a FWS, that he should be penalized by you giving support to a woman that wishes to divorce her husband and is currently in an affair and the sole reason to divorce the husband is so she can be with her OM, yet she herself is still in an affair and hasn't really repented and hasn't done anything to be a FWS is enough to earn your support for her. Ironic wouldn't you say?

Everything is pointing to the fact that everything Angela did "for the marriage" was just a cover for her affair.

Mom - I admire the grace with which you moved on. Congratulations and many prayers for continued growth and grace with Ed's abusive nature and his toxic way with your children.

As for your response to TD - I'm concerned about double standards - surely you have referred to Ed's OW as a sl*t - and I believe, in front of your children in the heat of an angry incident or two - I know you have expressed those sentiments on this board.

I can see absolutely NO reason for standing up for a woman who did exactly as Ed did - sneaking behind the backs of everyone and continuing an illicit relationship with another woman's husband. Just because the gender is different, you have befriended "Ed-Female" and taken in her spin hook line and sinker - just like a number of people around Ed did against you.

I slept on this response before submitting it, because You have been in my prayers for more than two years because I know what Ed did to your sense of self.

Be very careful about the lure of spin from Angela right now. She's going to spin this to make TD look like the bad guy. He caught her with love notes - recent love notes. His daughter is going through parental alienation training from her mother. His 3 year old daughter!!! How well could you handle your sons telling you that OW is a better mother to them than you are????

Please Kandi - think through this before you jump a betrayed spouse's case.

And yes, I recognize he cheated and I'm not minimizing that - but Kandi - you're buying Angela's story that she was "trying" to rebuild the marriage???? WHen? Over Valentine's day? Or between phone calls with the OM?

I'm sorry, I cannot let this go by without comment.

Tired Dad's DD3 told him once, very recently during a temper tantrum, that she hopes he dies so that OM could be her daddy.

Aside from the fact that DD was exposed on a routine basis to OM, where would a 3 year old get the idea that OM will be her new daddy? Unless she got that idea from her mother...

I think what TD's wife did was diabolical - she deliberately goaded him into arguments by intentionally inflicting pain over her A. Some of the things she said to him were so hurtful and cruel as to be beyond comprehension. While goading him into arguments, she had a digital voice recorder at the ready, hoping she could catch him saying something really awful, in order to blackmail him in the divorce proceedings.

I'm sorry, that sounds an awful lot like intentional infliction of emotional cruelty. And she's been doing this almost non-stop for 13 months.

Every time she has posted to this MB board, her posts have been full of lies. She came here last summer, when TD was trying to get help, and told the board he was lying - but never mentioned she was in an affair. I caught her in a lie myself, post D-Day, when she claimed to this board that TD had smashed a vase in front of her - and I pointed out she hadn't even been in the same room, and didn't know what happened. And she didn't deny it. Is it unreasonable to think she is lying to you now, especially now that the fact that she never ended the affair has come to light?

I think that almost any divorce proceeding can get to this point. It is a nasty, ugly, painful process and in the long run the ONLY benefactors are the F*(CKING LAWYERS!!

What some people will do never ceases to amaze me. In my story you will read that the CFO of a $250 MILLION company arrived home to 5 sheriff cars in his driveway because my W did not think I would react all that well (she was terrified because she knew what I thought of peopel that did EXACTLY what she was doing) ...to being served with D papers...and order to vactate...and order of temp. custody....and an order of protection for har AND my children!! .it took me 5 days of HE LL to get back in my home...and $5,000 in attorney fees....

The D process is for pond scum.....and people that have done some pretty bad things in their lives only seem to get worse during this process..

You guys have no idea what is going on in this relationship...NO IDEA!!!

First off...this is MY thread and I do not appreciate Casey coming on here and posting this way...I came on here after a year of being MIA for this exact reason...I am not going to be attacked because someone else decided to post in my OWN thread.

Casey is a LIAR! PERIOD His wife did not attack him...He called the OMW over to HER house and let that woman in her house...she proceeded to go up to her bedroom and attacked her...all the while casey is standing there watching...

He did not stop it at all....Casey had a small scratch on his face. Angela was beat up by this woman...she had to go to the ER. He put a TRO on her. He will not allow her to see her kids.

He has said horrible horrible things to Angela in front of the kids. He is also actively participating in HIS OWN AFFAIR(s)...

Look people, It is HIS word against his wifes and now mine...

he uses the kids and restrains them from her. The kids should NEVER be used as pawns. EVER...

Casey has a lot of anger issues that he needs to get control over....

Angela does not post here because you call her a liar...how do you know she is a liar? because of what casey is telling you? HA....there are always two sides to every story.

dont believe everything you read. he's got you all suckered into thinking he has changed and done everything in his power to win his wife back. HA...all the while he is sleeping with woman on the net...he is abusing his wife in front of the children...he brings the kids into the fights.

this is not a healthy relationship by any means. Casey has done his fair share of destroying it.

Ya'll go on supporting casey....but do it on his own thread.

Now I remember why I left in the first place. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />