Some cheaters invent elaborate tales of woe—the frigid, manipulative shrew of a wife; the abusive, suspicious, but somehow easily fooled husband—because the cheater wants to have her infidelities and her victim status too

Lordy, what a predicament! The more time you spend with this other man, the likelier it becomes that you'll cheat. But you can't stop seeing this other man because you study martial arts with him and that's such an important part of your life—unlike, say, your marriage—and you couldn't possibly give it up! And as everyone on earth knows, there's only one martial-arts school on the whole freakin' planet, so you're pretty much condemned to spend time with this other man—what other choice do you have?—until the inevitable inevitability inevitably happens.

Puh-leeze, SSM. If your husband doesn't rate the supreme sacrifice of switching to some other martial-arts school, then nothing I can say is going to stop you from getting what you so, so desperately want. But after you ****** this other guy, SSM, don't run around pretending that you were just a victim of cruel circumstance—martial arts made me do it!—and not the so, so guilty instigator.