I have a major dilemma right now. I am trying to decide if I should throw in the towel with my WW about the children. Or go to court for my youngest and find out what happens after that. I don’t want to break up the children but if you have read my thread you will see that I am backed up against a corner. We originally agreed to have the children with me Monday - Friday and with her on the weekends, and we would have joint custody. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Now she is telling me that she wants to be the primary parents and that I will have visitation rights. I think that this is a bunch of s**t, but it is tearing my children apart. She sits there and gives them the guilt trip when she is with them or when she talks to them to make them feel sorry for her so they will want to stay at her condo with her and the OP. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Today we had another session with the kids and their counselor, and afterwards she sent me a text message that she was coming to get the kids so they can live with her. I knew she has no right and she did try to go to the police and they called me to find out what was going on and I explained the whole situation and they told her to go home. I knew they would because she has no legal right until she gets papers signed from a court and she doesn’t have the money to pay her lawyer to file the paperwork.
But in the mean time I see all of this just tearing the children apart along with the stress of the breakup and the possibility of a divorce. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

When will it all end this is such a tough choice to make and I'm really lost on what to do. I just want my children safe and for their mother so realize what she is doing is just hurting the kids and not me. I feel a lot of what she is doing is to lash out at me and it is spilling over to the kids. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

help any sugestions i have been thinking about what im going to do and i still cant come up with a resolution.

wlcmhelp,

Your question IS very difficult to answer. Depending on who has primary custody, presumably the other party will have limited visitation rights and also have to pay child support.

It's a terrible situation. Look at it from all angles: emotionally for you and the children, financially for you (will you have to write a check to your WS and hope it goes towards the kids?), what are the legal fees to keep fighting? What are your boundaries? Can you imagine going through life with just limited visitation?

All variables must be considered and then a decision must be made in the best interest of the kids and you.

Ultimately only you can make the decision.

i just dont know how some of you guys are able to hold out so long with just not knowing. i love my wife with all of my heart but it is just getting harder as the days go by. i know that it has been only 12 days since she has moved out but it is just like when one of my best friend passed away a few years back.

i get up in the morning and everyting is in a daze until i see my children and they give me the energy to get going in the morning. without them i just dont know what i would do. it might be easyier to move on but i just dont know and i have to deal with what is on my plate right now.

i have been reading through some of the threads of some of you that have been going through this for a long time and i have to give a big bow to you for being so strong, and then i read some of you that dont have any children and i just dont know how you do it.

my main thing is i just have to keep going day by day and stop looking at the future. i guess you just dont know what will come around the bend. i did find a saying the other day that someone posted and i have been using for the past week that does help and i would like to share it.

Key word: day

This one day, you felt like you lost your inspiration, your way, slipped back...one day...tomorrow is new...you are made new...it's not a contest...it is life...one day...

When you're okay to just be...for today...not old or new, not right or wrong, just as you are...then you will hear your soul's whisper, hear the rustle of your thoughts...and know their footsteps...find some portents you divine...and let them go with a blessing...that's a heckuva day, when you can do that...



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One day.

You will not do what you truly don't want to do...your fear of being who you were cannot be true, Rin...the days like this one, will show you, by contrast, your change, your new beliefs, like shoes, breaking them in by wearing them...and how better to see your previous ways than putting on clothes that no longer fit...that sag or were too tight?

Contrast day...your choice to perceive it as temporary and important...not bad...not down...different energy...all yours.

Lessons don't all come at you head on...forward direction...there are ones to the side, come from the corner of your eye, maybe only possible when you stand still...

Or look up. Which is difficult to do when you're always walking forward.

Would you like to learn a solemn peace? Happiness in stillness? Absorbing all you've learned at full stride...the settling in...what do you think?

One day...maybe another day, like this one down the road...name your fear of standing still...when God asks us...to be still and know that he is God...

Sharing all your days is what I'm very grateful for.