My soon to be ex called me to inform me that OW was going to be calling me. He sounded so smug. I guess he thought they were hurting me again. About an hour later, the phoe rang and I answered. She asked for me and identified herself. She immediately went into a tirade about how I should stay out of "their lives" and leave STBX alone blah blah blah. Then came the real reason for her call, her 14 year old daughter doesn't know about the A and OW and OWH don't want her to find out. OW then said to me "you need to know that I'm in love with him". Gag me why don't you. She said that if STBX and I hadn't been separated for so long before she began working with him, they would have never gotten involved. I calmly explained to her that not only weren't we separated but that I was blindsided by this affair right after my father died. She didn't believe me and so I proceeded to tell her all the lies he has told her. She was furious with him. She begged me not to hurt her daughter. The call ended.

Twenty minutes later STBX called back sounding not so smug now. He asked what I told her and I replied only the truth. He too was furious. I don't know what happened from there, but I assume he used his expert salesman skills to talk his way out of it and she used her need to be loved to accept all his lies.

Life went on, until last night any way. STBX called my youngest daughter, who has a birthday coming up. He asked her what she wanted and she replied "a car". He laughed and said no way and asked what else she wanted. She said "for you to come home". STBX got very quiet and told her he'd call her later. She went into her room and I went in to check on her. She was crying. She asked me why he won't be honest with her and why he always gets silent when she says anything about "us". I told her I don't understand him any better than she does, told her I loved her and if she wanted to talk, I'm here.

Then I called STBX and reamed him. I told him that I'm so tired of her being hurt by this and maybe it's time that OW's daughter find out too and let everyone deal with the honesty. He then said that I shouldn't hurt OW's daughter. I replied "I am doing nothing to hurt her. It is you and OW who have put her in a position to be hurt, just as you didi my daughters." I hung up the phone.

He called back several times to talk to my daughter but she wanted nothing to do with it. He then called me again and told me that OW's daughter needed protected from this. How dare he allow HIS daughters to be damaged by his mess but yet protect her daughter from the same. I haven't decided what to do yet but wanted to get any advice y'all have for me. Thanks and sorry so long.

Iam,

You are not lost. Keep speaking the truth and if you are a person of faith, keep praying for the truth to set you free from this terrible tragedy of his selfishness. You sound like you have a very sensitive daughter and you must do your best to protect her and keep her secure in your love for her, regardless of his actions.

I am praying for you and your family. Nobody should have to face this kind of betrayal, but it will make you a stronger person if you can focus on what you have control of and keep your responses based in the truth and your emotions in check as you have been. He will see the light as his daughters pull away from him for his actions...

Don't take her calls ....

she is a wasp

think of her as a wasp

if she calls give her the same courtesy and welcome her like you'd welcome a wasp trying to enter your home

don't open the door !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Pep, I thought you meant hit her with a shoe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am so sorry you and your daughter are in pain. Pep is right, don't let her in.

way to go on telling her the truth. You probably planted some major seeds of doubt in her mind. I bet the LBs were flying all over the place that day.

a shoe would be good

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank you all. Thanks for the prayers and advice sbmmal. I really appreciate it. Pepper duly noted and I agree that a shoe would have been good too. moveforward, thanks. It's hard to speak the truth when someone is being hurt by it but I won't lie to protect them. I'm just trying to stay strong and not let them break me.

Ohhhh, I see. So, the "fact" that SHE is married didn't even weigh in. So as far as she's concerned, she considers herself available even though she is married. Then she adds its gotta be someone's fault, so blame it on your separation which really never took place. Lies, lies and more lies.

Good gawd, the rationalizations people committing adultery come up with floors me.

Jo

Yeah, Resilient, I thought the same thing. She told me how "awful" her marriage has been for the past 10 years and how only her religion keeps her there. I was like this woman is seriously crazy and delusional. I've learned that they can find ways to justify anything and everything.

Good grief! She should be cannonized a saint for her devoutness and example for her daughter. What a wonderful testimony as a "religious" person.

I say expose to her daughter, it will yield some much needed reality into their fantasy and ocean of lies.

that gal needs an [censored] whooping! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

the ow is TELLING YOU HER FEARS....then expose expose expose! if that is their fear, then do it~


and for God's sake...ALWAYS TAPE CALLS IF THE AFFAIR PARTNER IS TO SPEAK TO YOU...anytime you see that infernal wasp's name show on caller id, hit record! save it for the courts...

and yea, my xh's wistress wifey said that she only entered the scene when it was apparent our marriage was over? WEll...AIN'T NOTHING LIKE AN AFFAIR AGAIN TO NAIL THE COFFIN SHUT HUH? But I told her he was MARRIED and we were still sleeping together and she also had an AH HA moment and there was huuuuge love busting betwixt the two infidels.

Unless she is calling you, DO NOT SEEK ANY CONTACT WITH HER...but keep all contact she makes or your WS makes in you trying to "comply" with THEIR TERMS OF THE AFFAIR. Just in case you need legal help ...should look pretty bleak in court for the infidels if you toss out for the whole world to see their putting the heat on YOU...the BS...to not expose their sick little twisted world...

Let's call your OW "M.T." which stands for Mother Teresa....she stays in her M b/c of her religious beliefs? Wow! What a martyr! And remember hon, the infidels will say ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING...which we know is garbage...stinky, hot, rotting garbage...to make their affair justified. It is called REVISIONIST HISTORY...or as I call it, "F-ing up the Truth". That's what they're doing. You can call it the scientific name or my name. Tell them.

Never agree with them on any level...ANY LEVEL...and keep the OW out of the house.

Darn I wish I were there to smush the OW Wasp with my stiletto...It's so fun to smush them! One of my hobbies actually now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Like today, the ow/wife went to her "hair" appt. And my ds had to actually spend several hours with his dad...which he doesn't do that much really. My x said he was home with my ds and I said that was great. I asked him how long the hair appt was to be? He said gosh I don't know. Doesn't it take usually at least 3 hours for you? I said, well I wouldn't know...I don't have hair extensions....MY LONG HAIR IS ALL MINE <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (the ow has new hair extensions)


HA HA HA HA HA HA
'

IamSoLost - We all feel for what you and your daughter are going through because of the selfishness of two people.

I also think that your best avenue of attack at this point as far as destabiizing the affair is to expose it. But I am reluctant to tell you to involve the OW's daughter simply because she IS an innocent party to the mess of "adults."

But, since "religion" seems to play such a prominent role in the OW's life, then it is fair to involve God and His "rules" in this matter.

If you do not already know "all there is to know" about this OW, then make it your "crusade" to find out everything you can about her. Her current or previous marriage, where she works, what church she goes to, etc.

Once you know those things you will be in a more informed position to decide on what and who to expose things to. Without question I would advise you to meet personally with her Pastor or Priest and expose exactly what has been going on. I would ask that person, as God's representative in a leadership position to implement a Matthew 18:15-20 intervention. Make it clear that your daughter is already being hurt mightily by their selfish choice of adultery and that you would like to spare the OW's daughter similar pain, but you know that if they don't end the affair, all the sordid details WILL come out in a divorce trial.

Next, call the OW and make it clear to her that you are not going to allow a divorce without a fight. If you husband wants a divorce, you will counter with a divorce for cause, and all the ugly details and lies will come out for her daughter to see. Do NOT allow the talk to become a conversation. Simply make it a call to "inform" her that the affair is no longer secret from you and reality is going to come knocking on their choice to commit adultery "no matter who gets hurt, and that will include her daughter as more and more of their lies and selfishness becomes exposed.

After that, go dark with your husband and the OW. Contact an attorney, if you have not done so yet, and prepare for a filing for Cause and the maximum in alimony and child support. Remember that as much as they seem to want to "protect" her daughter, YOU must do these hard and often distasteful things to protect YOUR daughter from them and their selfishness. It is time that that they see that you are a "lioness" who WILL "fight to the death to protect YOUR cub(precious daughter)."

Right now they think they can bully you into "just going away." That's part of the fantasy they have woven for themselves. It is time they realized that the "bubble is bursting" and they will have a lot of "fallout" from the "intrusion" of reality into their lives.

While all of this is going on, you need to seriously ask yourself if you WANT your husband back after all of this. The ONLY way, in my humble opinion, is if he has a true repentance and turning to the Lord. Short of that, it is unlikely that he will put anything or anyone, including you and your daughter, ahead of his own personal lusts and desires. So beware of "conciliatory sounding" lies designed to "placate you" and "keep you at bay." Especially since you think he is so good at "Sales." "Words" are no longer "good enough." He is going to have to "prove" himself to you through actions that "back up" the words as well as to convince you that he is serious about wanting to attempt recovery.

The primary issue here, as much as you, your daughter, and your marriage are huge issues, is his relationship with God. His soul is in question because God is very clear that unrepentant adulterers will not be in heaven. So the attitude of "I know God doesn't allow adultery but I'm going to do it anyway because that's what I want" cleary has only two responses. First response is "I confess my sin and seek your forgiveness, God. I surrender my will to your will because of what Jesus did for me." Second response is "I do not accept Jesus and I will do whatever I want to do." There IS no middle ground. The same holds true for the OW who wants to "have her cake and eat it too." Not going to work.

That's about all I can say right now, since I don't have enough information about the relationship of either your husband or the OW and God.

Now, for you, there are two passages in Scripture that you might find great comfort in as you are dealing with this terrible tribulation. They are Philippians 4:13 and Romans 8:28-32.

God bless.

IAmSoLost,

From your post it appears that he and OW are indeed calling. Yet it also appears that you are not only answering but appear to be playing the game of "I am right and the next conversation I will convince him(and OW) of that fact".

First, you can not "win" in any conversation you might have with your STBXH or his OW. Secondly , if you insist on competing, may I suggest the best position in your argument is complete and utter silence.

Never argue with a fool.

Best of luck

I agree 100%.

What kind of religion is that?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Me thinks she is demented.

L.

MelodyLane, all 3, OW,OWH and STBX need one.

justpeachy thanks for your opinions (and your humor lol). I do tape the calls. They seem not to care. Like they feel omnipotent.

ForeverHers I appreciate your advice. These two think that God is ok with all of this because "they are in love". It's enough to make me sick. I don't want to be married to this man any more.

Cymanca thanks but I really don't play into their game. I don't even want to win. I just want to be left alone and for them to stop hurting my kids.

Thanks Resilient and Orchid. Points well taken.

AMEN. I recently sat across from my OM at the depositions and the old, ugly fart is much worse in person than in his photo. That said when he left that day after seeing me, I am beyond certain that he knows NEVER to say anything cross to me for there would be a recokoning a coming that he would not want to be part of, so I don't anticipate a call from my OM but would love to get one. Sort of like ole "Dirty Harry said.. Go ahead punk, make my day".

about the nonsense religion "fogtalk"


My H dated a M woman for 2 years BEFORE we ever met.
When this was disclosed to me, I ofcourse questioned him about it.

I asked him why she didn't just leave her H if they wanted to be together so bad.

He stated with dead seriousness- "She could not divorce her H, her religion does not believe in divorce." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I had to pipe up and ask the OBVIOUS!!

"but her religion believes in adultery???!!!!!"

I think he kinda had a lightbulb moment......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The OW in my case has called me as well- first time was
back in October when she began to get suspicious of WH's
whole "story" (they had met online) and she called to tell
me about the whole affair, find out the truth, and, as I
didn't realize until later, to try to get "dirt" on WH that
she could use against him when she was mad.
She was never apologetic, but did really try to make herself
out to be a "victim".
The next night WH called me, trying to get me to take back
some of the things I had said and paint me as having lied
about things or being the "vindictive", jealous, STBX.
Realized quickly that we were on speaker phone, and OW was
directing the whole thing, trying to figure out whether to
believe me or WH. I ended that call quickly and told them
both I wasn't going to be part of their little game.

Next time I talked to OW, I also saw her, because I had to
pick up WH in the middle of night after he got a DUI.
She immediately was defensive, telling me I didn't know her
shouldn't judge her. I told her that her continuing her A
with a married man after finding out all the truths was all
I needed to know about her and the kind of person she was.
She told me "she imagined it must be awfully difficult to
be going through a divorce", to which I said "I wouldn't
know". (WH has been telling her all along that we are in
the middle of a divorce, so supposedly this makes the A
"okay"). Her excuse and justification was "I'm sorry, but
I love him". Gag me, please !!!

Throughout the affair and the varying circumstances of WH
living at a rented room by himself while they saw each other, him moving back home during our false recovery, him
moving out to a house by himself, and her moving in with him she has continued to periodically call our house, usually with her number blocked, but sometimes not. Before I had Caller ID I did end up picking up and got blasted with insults, obscenities and her ranting and raving.
She continues to call periodically but I don't pick up
and she never leaves a message. Last week she tried to call
me at work, but I saw the number and transferred her to my
voicemail and she did not leave a message.
Think she has major issues, not just the fact that the only
guy she could hook up with is my H.
Slammed