After finding out about my husband's affair three days ago, see post my husband's affair with his old love, I put plan a into action today. It was easy to see that he didn't take it well. I related as I've read that for us to work on our problems he has to follow NC, including the letter. Even after d-day and my calling her, he of course has called her each day to see "how she is and say he's sorry about my calling." Of course, she was surprised I called. Poor &(#%(^ thing. I said that if he were an alcoholic trying to get sober, he couldn't expect things to get better if he is going to AA and stopping at the bar on the way. ALthough he hasn't had contact with her but 2 times in the last 4 years since I said not to, did plan A and didn't know it, he still went back. Made sure I pointed that out. My only mistake, I thnk, was my timing. Put into action before he left for work today so although I made myself clear, not sure I gave adequate time for him to digest/discuss. But then again, he has more to think. He just emailed from work that he found pamphlets I got from the library on divorce, dissolution, and custody. Said he was a little surprised but understood and that I'm not stupid. I hope he takes the feeling hehad when he found them along with the Plan A statements and takes them to heart as he "deliberates." Now I'm still unsure how to act around him. He has blocked my snooping on the internet but I now know where the OW lives. I have access to a PI if needed, but not sure when I should use. OW is supposed to be accepting a new job today or tomorrow in another city about 1 1/2 hours away.
Suggestions on how to proceed from here now that Plan A has been put out? Should I be physically/intimately/loving with him? Should I countinue to tell him I love him and even show him or allow him what little we had vbefore d-day? Or do I try to fulfillhis needs, emotional and otherwise, and continue to talk with him about us? I told him, maybe wrong? that we can't truly work on what our troubles are/were that led to the affair with OW if he's still in contact with her in any way. Did I do right? Am I on the right path? HELP!!!!!!!!
Another question, if he starts snooping on me because I've been researching this sight for help and such, how do I respond to him if he finds my posts?
Me 38
Him 37
3 kids - 15 mos., 6yrs, and 8yrs
together 15 yrs, married almost 13
d-day 7/8/06

Hi,

I'm going to help with one of your questions:


Tell him that you want to save your marriage and that you've posted on a Marriage Building site. You have nothing to hide!

You were correct in your other post that there is more traffic on GQII. I hope that you're able to get some help with the rest of your Plan A questions.

Update
Time has passed by with us talking about the affair mostly EA, only kissing, and what needs to be done for us to move forward. He has said that he wants to stay in the marriage and that he fully understands every aspect of what I've asked him to do re toe NC letter and such. Then 2 nights ago he says that they reason he continues to go back to her after all this time is that he never got the closure he needs. He's unable to just say that's the past and shut the door. He feels that if he doesn't continue to talk with her he won't get this and we'll continue to have the same problem. I continued with much of Paln A saying that there had to be no contact for us to move on to working on building our marriage. He says he can follow through with that, but needs this first. Fortunately she accepted another job in another town over 1 1/2 hours away and will be leaving in less than two months. I feel like he has bargained his way into seeing her still. With the history they have, it feels so much worse than if he met someone at work or in a bar. He promises that he won't do anything else to hurt us or me, no physical contact not even hand holding and will only meet with her in public places, not either's car or her apt. to keep any chance of temptation from creeping in. I am continuing to say that NC is necessary for our marriage. He met with her last night to talk, stayed in a public place as "promised." I know this because he told me they were going to meet for this purpose and where they were going to be and I followed him.

It is fog talk to think he needs to 'check on her' or 'get closure.' You are right to continue to insist on NC ... of any sort. You cannot recover your marriage if he is still in contact.

Is she married? If yes, and contact continues, don't hesitate to expose to her h.

Be prepared to find out that it might be more than he has admitted. Many WSs lie --- it just seems to be part of the denial/deception habit.

Do not think the 1.5 hour drive will guarantee NC. The FOW in my situation lives/works about 1.5 hours from us.

Continue to read up on Plan A and Plan B. Use the search feature to find other posts that have dealt with continued contact and how others have successfully implemented Plan A and when needed Plan B. There is a good thread on the In Recovery forum with InADaze. She is a little ahead of you in this process and I think you will find the discussion very helpful.

angiemoose, I know you are hurting. My heart goes out to you. Please keep posting. You will get some great advice and suggestions.

{{{{{{{angiemoose}}}}}

hns

Thanks Heart! I feel truly blessed and guided to have found this site so soon after discovery of the affair. Although I was suspicious there was one, until I discovered her numbers on the cell phone bill, I didn't imagine it was her again. She isn't married, and not seeing anyone to my knowledge. I truly don't have faith that the distance will insure NC. No matter what how many ways there are that I can think of watching and checking on him, I can think of 5 other ways for him to get around it. He's definitely not stupid in that regard. Even with the "progress" we've made, I still find myself so untrusting to the smallest degree. Tonight after taking our three children for a walk, becoming a nightly habit since d-day, I wouldn't even take the baby in as suggested when we returned because I thought he was looking for a chance to call her. But he could never call her again on his cell and still do from work or elsewhere. So how will I ever really know if there is NC?
But thanks again for your kind words. It's helpful that even though I've exposed the A to my parents, best friend and her husband that works at the next desk by my husband, and he has told his sister, other objective viewpoints and support is greatly appreciated.

Angie

How are you doing? I hope you are continuing to come here for insight, ideas, advise and wisdom.

You need us. What I have found is that no one else in my life right now can truly understand what is happening to me. I have found some incredible people here that have made a true difference to my sanity and my marriage.

What is going on? Keep us posted. You'll get all kinds of input and opinions. What a great opportunity! You get to read what everyone else thinks .... from people who have been where you are.

warm hugs ... even though we share similar pain ... I don't want to presume to say I know you must be hurting and confused. I do want you to know I'm checking in and care what happens.

prayers and positive thoughts are sent your way!

hns

Thanks Heart and to all that have read my posts and sent good thoughts my way either by posting or just in spirit. This site and the resources I have found here have made a profound impact on how I'm dealing with everything. As you say, even those in my life, best friend and mom, who support me don't understand fully how or why I am taking this seemingly passive route.
The update. Since d-day, we have spent about 2-3 hours daily/nightly talking. Plan A is in effect with some compromise. I know....! But the most recent thing is that today after another couple of hours of talking, he decided that he needed to get some space for thinking about all we've talked about. He understands my reasons for NC, and of course he doesn't like it since they've been "friends" for over 20 years. He went to his sister's for the next three days. We have plans to take our three children, 8 yrs, 6 yrs, and 15 mos., to the county fair on Wednesday and he said then he would tell me his decision about the NC. He wants to work on our marriage, but it seems the NC is the big sticking point, even though she'll be moving 90 miles away and the history that's too long to go into. So, we agreed to just tell the kids that he was house sitting at his sister's and he would be back for the fair. He told me repeatedly that he wasn't leaving me, he'd be back, and if how he was feeling telling the kids good-bye now was any indication, he would be back sooner. I feel very hopeful, but did call his sister to check that he was there. Voicemail. He had what looked like tears in his eyes and in the 15 years I've known him, he has never once cried. I remained calm through it all and have all along after the initial revealing and craziness. This site has given me that and he's amazed that I haven't kicked him out, want him back, and am so willing to work things out. I thank God repeatedly for guiding me to this site. I've ordered and received SAA, His Needs, Her Needs, and Falling in Love and Staying in Love. I've already ready SAA up to the part where recovery starts.
So thanks again and I have every intention of fighting for our M and family and sticking to my need for NC. I also will continue to come here and leave updates. Thanks so very much!

Angie
How are you doing? Are you able to eat and sleep? You'll need your strength.

Try to get your h home as soon as possible. And even though he isn't at home, continue the 3 hours each night talking. It is important to emotional intimacy. When our IC/MC asked me how the discovery of my h's affair affected us ..... I answered that it oddly pulled us together. We had a hard time being away from one another. She said that was important .... that we are able to comfort one another and seek intimacy even when in pain.

Continue to Plan A. And continue to read as much as you can. It will help you respond positively and constructively in the day to day things that come up. It truly will.

Also .... it may appear to others that what you are doing is passive .... but it isn't. It is active ..... you have a plan and you are implementing it! There is nothing passive about that!

Warm hugs and prayers sent to you
hns

Thanks again for the support! This is certainly hard for them to understand. I know I always thought that if I ws in the situation I wouldn't put up with it and take the route that everyone else thinks I should be, the opposite of what I'm doing. I'm continuing to read here and and books I got from this site. He was supposed to call us to check in last night but never did. We have discussed over several emails this morning and our plans for the fair have moved up to tonight, a day earlier. He hasn't said if he's coming home tonight. Tomorrow he is going to a ball game with his office, all male, and I have an in there who is aware of everything going on and checking things for me when I need it.
I hope he's coming home tonight. I'm having an extremely difficult time dealing with my feelings and imagination with him gone. I move from distraught and panicky to angry and wanting to be hurtful. My horoscope for today said that concerning matters of the family I needed to stay calm, that the higher my voice gets the less communication there will be. So,when we go tonight, regardless of what he tells me, I'm going to continue to try to stay calm.
I'm trying to take care of myself, but sleep is hard to get even without the baby waking up during the night, and eating is just starting to become something I want to do. I've lost about 6lbs, which isn't bad considering the amount I want to lose, but usually I eat myself silly when I'm depressed. The stomach ache and headaches have subsided making it more interesting. Thanks for your concern!
Fortunately I don't start back to school for a month and a half. I teach first grade. That had a lot to do with why I helped set us/him up for the affair. I had a horrible year last year and wanted to quit constantly. He wasn't giving me the support he usually would and I was taking things out on him and such. Major LBing. If I was going through the knowledge of the A during school, especially if it was this past spring, I think I'd need time off and anti-depressants. Don't feel that need yet, but I do need to try to spend more time with my kids. I feel like I'm so wrapped up in our troubles and the lack of sleep has me distracted from them past their basic needs.
Thanks again and I'll keep you and all posted.
God Bless!

Just returned from the fair for the family outing. He came out to go with us but decided not to stay. He says when he gets to work in the am he's sick from missing us, but evidently still isn't ready to give up a relationship with OW for his family. Stayed calm and tried not to ask too many questions. He says he's coming home tomorrow night after the ball game with his office. Still don't know if that means he's coming home and willing to NC or not. Trying to stay strong but it's very hard. I couldn't help feeling like this trip was the last one as a "family."

Angie

You are doing great!

Stay positive. I only listened to classical and gospel music for a long while. It helped me stay focused.

When I had trouble sleeping, I took tylenol p.m. It helped me sleep.

Force yourself to eat something. Eat for strength and energy. Pick up some vitamins at the pharmacy.

Like you, a few pounds off for me is a good thing! But still make sure you are eating well. I always had a oats and honey bar with me.

Get some exercise. I took up walking. It helped me deal with the stress and was good for my body.

Keep up that Plan A. Did you see Pepperband's thread on Plan A as a carrot and a stick? Read that thread, it will help you.

Baby steps. Nothing is going to happen over night.

Tell me about your baby! Do you have other children? I have two beautiful children. Not babies anymore. My d (13) is now taller than me! My s (soon to be 11) has a wonderful sense of humor.

warm hugs. You hang in there.

hns

I've read carrot and stick and like so many items it was helpful. The exposure part of Plan A is understandably difficult. My best friend and her husband who works with my WH know, my parents and sisters, and WS sister. He actually told her. I've only spoken with her once and it was brief. Just to check to see if he was staying there as he said and if he got there at the time he should have.
I have been taking some vitamins, started when I began new diet before d-day. I think they help. Try to eat. Yesterday was first day of nervous, depression eating so I'm trying not to go the opposite way from the not wanting to eat that I have been feeling. Walking is in my schedule most days, especially before WS left. My daughter, 15 mos on 7/1, has this fixation with going bye-bye so we began taking a nightly family walk and letting the boys ride their bikes. Occassionally when I need to think on my own when he was here I would take her for a power walk. As far as sleep, still only getting about 4 hours. Since he left it has shifted to the beginning of the night rather than the end. Taking Tylenol PM has been considered but the baby still gets up a couple of times and especially with him gone, I worry about the effects because it really puts me out and makes me feel so groggy when I get up in the night. So I cope and try to take a cat nap when I can when she's napping. But I often use that time for writing in my journal. That's helping too.
My d is a pure joy! I know that seeing her last night was tougher than seeing the boys for WH. His sister has a son that is a week younger but is a bump on a log as WH puts it. Our d is lively, adorable with cute curls, (gets from daddy) and is scary smart as WH puts it. She has about 10 signs she uses, speaks about 25 words and a couple of sentences. As soon as he walked in the door she said nothing but dada and kept going to him, even when he was leaving again. Kept saying in my head, "way to go honey. Show daddy what he's missing." Just another reason that I can't believe it's taking so much effort on his part to make a decision between his family and OP. Even he has said that it should be a no brainer, but what a fog he's in. Unfortuanately, it's a fog of 20+ years that has crept in evey time we have trouble with M.
I asked about talking while he was gone since he didn't call and we only discuss minimal things briefly in emails while he's at work. I was calm and supportive and said I was just trying to understand if not talking to me was part of what he needed. He apologized for it and said he wasn't trying to shut me out and we could talk if I needed to. I repeated that it's his decision to leave to think and I'm here if he wants to talk. Called him before I went to bed and left a voicemail. Told him I didn't need him to call me back but wanted him to know that overall I had a very nice time at fair and I was sorry if I made him feel uncomfortable at any time when I asked a couple of questions. Said that if he does decide to come home tomorrow we're here, we love him and I love him and the decision is his.
I know things aren't going to change overnight. I'm so anxious about what he's going to tell me when he comes home. When he first left and said he was coming back Wed. he said he would give me an answer to NC and would stick to it. Wrong to think he's leaning towards the NC? Fog talk? In the short time he was here after the fair, only about 10 minutes so 3 hours with family overall since 2 nights ago, he talked about things in the future. Measured youngest son for amusement park rides, joked about stretching him everyday, things that indicate he's going to be around. I want to ask more details about what he's been doing since leaving. He met with her night before as he said and for three hours, but not in public. I have so much fear! But I'm trying to stay calm and hopeful. I pray daily and nightly and come here often. I know it's God that has intervened in our M for me to discover A so soon after PA (kissing) began (*unknown to me), to discover the contact again, to find this site within 2 days of d day and to give me the strength to deal with this using the principals of MB.
A month and a half ago before d day he had told me that he didn't have the same feelings of committment that he used to and didn't know what to do about it. I threw him out of the bedroom for a night and the next night felt God speak to me that I shouldn't give up that easily. Told him that night that I wasn't giving up and began a more postivie approach to our daily lives. My reactions then compared to now were so different and I know he was preparing me for the worst. WH is frequently telling me he's amazed at how I'm behaving, at giving him the chance to R, that I still want him home much less in our bedroom and to be affectionate with him. He says that there is no way I should be giving all this and he sees the level of committment I have to him and our relationship and he is very appreciative and undeserving. He's been surprised at how much I've considered every aspect of what I'm doing and how I'm handling things. Not that he thinks I don't think about things clearly, he just didn't realize how much I had been until many of our deiscussions. He thanked me again tonight for having faith in him with his leaving. He had given me the choice in a way and I stayed calm and told him if that was what he thought he needed to do, he should go and then I helped him pack his bags. We haven't said anything to the boys although my oldest, 8y, knows there something going on. I suggested he tell them he was housesitting.
Sorry to ramble. I think I forgot I wasn't writing in my journal <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So tonight he comes home very late from the ball game, had info and ticket stub to show me. I'll probably still check up on it tomorrow. When he originally left three days ago,it was with the understanding that he needed time and space to think and when he returned we'd talk. He didn't want to leave me hanging about the NC, I don't deserve it especially with the way I've been treating him so well. So, I wait up, not that I could sleep anyway, and what happens. After small talk he finally tells me tht we'll talk tomorrow if that's ok. He's too tired to hold a good conversation. So I asked. Could he at least tell me if he had come to any conclusion about what he didn't want to leave me hanging on? He thinks he has but it's complicated. WTF!!!!! I don't know what to think and I'm angry and hurt and he's leaving me hanging again. Why did he come home? Because he was out of clean underwear as mentioned in an email today? He's just leaving me "hanging" again and I think more than ever that he's not going to do it. He kissed me good night and told me he loved me. WTF!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to think now! More than ever I feel so angry and want to ....I don't know what. I don't know what I'm going to do when/if he tells me that he can't give up his "friendship" for his OW. That they have too much history and he still needs to find a resolution to his feelings about her, and then still wants to be her friend. Why doesn't she just move now and break his heart again so we can all move on! I can't believe I let myself stress so much this whole day that my stomach is in knots and I can't sleep, again!

That's how we all felt. He is cake-eating. He wants to continue the affair, and keep you on the hook too. They all do that.

The "space" thing is usually space to continue their affair unobstructed.

Try not to take it personally - your story is following the usual course. But there is still lots of hope.

Please post on general questions so you can get more input.

Ok, second night home after his time to think and make a decision about Nc. And the result is... no change really. He says that if he's going to e honest with me and himself, he doesn't see how he can say that they'll be NC, that he'll most likely do so at some time. We discussed allthe reasons why he shouldn't, discussed that I know how difficult it will be for him and it will take a while to get over the urge to contact her, but he had done it before and we were happy. The difference this time is that if things start getting rocky we know better to actively work on them and he won't have the need to contact her. In the meantime, I caught him in another lie. He called me about taking paperwork to a car dealer for the new car we bought and said he was on his way. Then a week later I find the papers. When I confronted him about it, calmly, he said I got him there. I told him that after all we've talked about now why doeshe feel the need to still lie to me so blantantly. Everytime he lies to me it makes my part of the recovery that much harder. I told him he's not the only one that's going to have a hard time getting to the point where we can fully concentrate on us. I keep repeating that I know our M isn't doomed and doesn't have to end. That I need him to work with me on it. He still wants his friendship with her, but he knows that it's impossible for us to rebuild if he continues the EA. So he feels we're at an impass.
Now I don't know if I should continue Plan A until she moves in about a month, she's already looking for an apt. 90 miles away where she took a new job, or move to Plan B. I keep thinking I need to stick it out until she moves and starts her new life that won't include him and will leave him behind as she has done so many times before.
Another question. The night he lied to me about going to the car dealer but went to OW's apt., he said they talked briefly about how the A was going to come out. HE knows mostly that he'll be dealing with my family when it comes to the "shame and "guilt", but she's worried about her father and grandparents finding out. She has no SO, so should I tell her father and if so how? I see him periodically at work and church, but how do I expose without hurting him? I know I shouldn't worry too much about what they think, but I'm not the type that does things that will hurt others.

Desperately seeking some help!! If you've read through my posts here, you're familiar with my story. Tonight my WH was in a state I have never seen or imagined him to ever be in except one time. Last time was when OW dumped him in high school and he was on the edge of suicide. Today he was siezing up, clenching his fists, even crying. This man does not cry! He said that he has ruined everything. That he now has to choose between the most important people in his life and ruin it in the same blow. His friendship with her is as important or maybe more so than our M and three kids, all under 8. He didn't say that last bit, that's just how it feels.
So, he calmed down a bit, but I was still very scared for his state of mind. He said I had to let him go that he appreciated everything I was trying to do to help him at the moment but I'm part of the problem. He said he would come back tonight, that he just needed to go somewhere. I asked him not to go to her place, because she would most likely try to comfort him and he would be in a highly volatile situation to take things past the kissing only that it has been so far. But later, while taking a walk with my kids, I almost think she should know what state he's in because of her again. I feel like I should call her and tell her that if she has any feelings of friendship or otherwise for him, she should see what this is doing to him and put an end to it on her end for his sake. She's starting her new job 90 miles away Sept. 19th and will be most likely leaving well before that. So as I told him, he will be alright. She's leaving anyway to start a new life. I will be here everyday to help him through it because foremost no matter what happens, I am his best friend. He will be ok, it'll take time and one day at a time.
So i'm still wondering what to do. Should I call her? what if he's there? He's still been meeting with her, openly (mostly) honest with me about when and where and no physical contact. But even after meeting with her last night to talk, there was no sign that he or even maybe she knows that her father received a phone call exposing the A to him. I can't even be sure he knows yet. My hope was that after their previous talk where she said she worried about what her father and grandparents would think, that exposing to him would help her see how wrong it was and end it since she's leaving anyway.
I can't believe that he thinks she's one of the most important people in his life. He didn't talk to her for about 4 years this last time and we were so very happy thta he pushed for another child, which we had, and then another when she was only a month old. How does he go from being so happy in Dec/Jan to having an A and not being able to choose 6 months later?
I really need some advice on what to do next. I don't know where he is now. Before I would agree to let him leave I took all his guns, he's a competitive shooter, and locked them up keeping the only two keys. He said he wasn't going to do anything stupid or desperate, but right now I am so worried about him. I'm extremely calm and was through the whole episode short of getting firm and upset a bit. I so hope that this time away with the seriousness of what he's thinking right now will help him commit to trying to work on us with the NC.
Any advice or suggestions!?

So, we haven't talked the last two nights. Four days ago he had a breakdown from things building up on him. I was able to help him calm down and such, but it was very scary. He spent the next night at his sister's after going there to talk to her about what had happened. But when he came home the next night it was like when he left the week before. I felt angry because he gets to lead his two lives and even when things get bad, he is shouldering none of the responsibilities of the family or home. He gets to run away.

The next night we did talk but I had a LBs kind of night and he told me that despite what I felt about her I didn't need to be nasty. Dumb!

Now the last two nights no talking. I asked before he left for work just now if he felt we had said all there was to say. He said that although it's good we've been able to talk, we are just saying the same things, very seldom does something new come up. Which is what I was thinking. I said until we can start talking more about us, NC needed, it's probably true.

SO then he said what makes things different this time is that OW is interested in having him in her life and has opened up more. So I said and that means she wants more of a relationship with you, he shrugged like a looks that way. And I said I guess it's good that we have kids because otherwise I wouldn't have a chance.

I feel so hopeless sometimes and don't know how much more I can take.

ticket stub? so? just means he got to spend a non-sexual night with the OW, most likely.



You're not in recovery. dont kid yourself. You are one heartbeat from your husband walking out the door. sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> You have no agreement on him for anything. No true commitment to your marriage.
Only once he has agreed to NC and fully commit to rebuilding your marrage, are you in "recovery".
I dont think he cares about your "recovery" right now, so I wouldnt suggest bringing that sort of thing up.


PS: 90 miles away? some people commute 100 miles. daily.

Sorry this is such a negative post... i've got a bit of a negative situation myself :-} Not trying to make you freak out. Just trying to make very clear to you that you are in no way out of the woods. in fact, you're still deep in the heart of them. you just seem to have found a clearing where you can see some sunlight, to extend the metaphore.

Keep at the plan A. show him good, even when he does not deserve it. may God help you in your endeavour to save your marriage.

Everything you say is true and already thought of. Thanks for your input.

Husband did walk out the door today after lengthy fight/discussion about trust issues. I wanted his password for his cell phone on-line bill because he's been hiding things from me on his cell despite promising to tell me when he has contact with OW. He's lied to me and I've caught him several times since d day.

The fog is so thick that despite the fact that he knows and agrees that everything I say is true, he still thinks through it all that he can't give her up. So, with a heavy heart, I sent him packing.

He says that I've been too easy on him andyway and that it'll be most likely what he needs to realize what he's losing and to feel loss since letting him stay at home doesn't do it. I thought he realized all that when he left for three days last week and when he had his breakdown on this past weekend. Obviously I was wrong.

We told the kids the truth this time. He said he was going to live with sister b/c mommy and daddy were having troubles that were daddy's fault. I said he had thinking to do and decisions to make and then maybe he'd be back. No sense lying to them anymore especially since this time there is no time frame like when he left last time.

I told him it was in his hands. He could call me if he wanted to talk and come home when he was ready. Full implication was that NC needed to take place to return. Before he left when we were discussing the idea again, I told him there were all the obvious reasons I didn't want him to leave, ie. he'd go to her, do something more stupid and damaging, we wouldn't be able to talk as easily, etc. But I also said that I was afraid that he'd take too long to make the right decision and return to find I couldn't wait anymore.

So, there it is.

So, since his leaving on Saturday eve, we've only spoken through emails while he's at work. Nothing wonderful, but still that the bottom line is that despite everything he feels for me and his family, he has to find some kind of resolution about his relationship with her, knowing that to end it will hurt him and her deeply, (blah blah blah).

He hasn't seen or called the kids which ticks me off tremendously. The last line of his first email today asked about having dinner with me and the kids. I suggested Thursday because the boys would be with his father for a visit and he said he'd still come tonight and see me and the baby even if the boys didn't get back in time. So he did.

Rather awkward and such but I didn't do any LBing. We didn't really talk anything about us except that he wants to come again on Thursday and wants us to go as a family to the Air Force museum next week when he's on vacation. He's on vacation b/c his brother is getting married on the weekend and he and the boys are in the weddiung and there are lots of family coming in from out of state.

I had gotten to the point where I thought I would only go to the bridal shower and wedding and that would be all. We're supposed to stay at the hotel where the wedding is at at an amusement park for two days. He still wants us to all stay there together and for me to go to everything. I said I'd need to think about it and we could discuss it more, but I don't want there to be any tension for the bride and groom. I know, I'm not the one that caused it, but ....

I can't help but figure that while he's out of the house he's seeing her and talking to her more than ever. I didn't ask, and at this point mostly don't want to know. More and more of my family and friends now know and are SO supportive. I've even been given the name of a GREAT lawyer if it gets to that.

I told his dad what was going on today and was surprised to hear he already knew from the sister that WS is currently living with. Also surprised and appreciative of full support and encouragement. WH's dad is not happy at all but hasn't said anything to his son because WH didn't say anything to him and afterall he is 37 yrs. old. So, support but no pressure. He may eventually say something to him, who knows. Next victim to find out, his uncle that was like a father to him growing up. One person that I think garners the most respect from WH in his life. Plan on telling him through wonderful girlfriend when I see her at the bridal shower next week, if she/they don't already know.