I would appreciate some advice:

First a funny story:


THAT GIRL

As I was driving down g-- street shortly after the flash flood I came upon a
road closed sign - I went around the sign to see the flood damage - the road
was damaged but not too bad - there was a spot where walking across the
washout was rather easy - There was a back-hoe across the road on the
other side of the wash-out. A car drives up and this cute girl (references
to women as girls has changed in age since I've turned 50 - any female under
the age of 45 is considered a girl) sticks her head out and calls out
"Can you move that thing and let me thru ?"

I looked around and realized she was talking to me.

"Uh - no - sorry"

Girl frantically: "Darn - I can't believe my bad luck - I only got 15 minutes
- I'll never make it"

She then starts a k-turn and I walk up to her and say "Do you need a ride ?"

She pauses and then says "You would do that for me ?"

I said "Sure"

We get in the car and she says - "Do you know where the checkerboard bar is ?"
I said "yes" we start down d---- road and she says "Thank you so much -
I need to get to my sister's house -
My boyfriend is in jail and he can only call between 8 and 8:15, I feel like I've
finally met my soul mate - I've been divorced twice. I can't believe
the bad luck I've been having - I lost my business to this really greedy man
just because he gave me $ 8,000. to put the machines in my bar - now he wants it
back right when I'm having trouble - besides he already got it back from the
shared revenues. Why does it always have to do with money - where is the love ?
Oh I'm sorry turn down this road - I forgot - you don't know where my sister
lives - Can you believe there are people out there whose only concern is money ?

Take this road right here:

That driveway

You can park anywhere - that dog won't bite you (a pretty good sized golden retriever)
Turn your back and don't look
(as if I couldn't find a secret hiding spot for a key in 2 minutes)

Do you want a beer ?

I thought well we aren't ever going to develope beyond me giving her a ride
and I'm not going to accept any money for gas so in lieu of cabfare.

I said "Sure"

Here you go - I'll have this (looked like a mixed drink in a bottle)

Why don't you have a seat right there - there's got to be something on TV

This house is a newly constructed massive log home
I'm in the sunken living room with about a 25'
cathedral ceiling - wide screen TV (as wide as my arms would stretch)
and some set-up that looks like it has
250 channels - She gets one of the movie channels on with the remote
and the movie is "The 40 yr old virgin"
She gets on the phone and starts talking like crazy and walks down the
hallway.
There are warnings about strong sexual content - nudity and language -

I thought "Well this can be fun to watch"

The very start has a crude conversation about one of the guys trip to
Mexico. I start looking around and notice some kid toys. I then see a family
picture of what looks like mom - dad and 2 kids. I then start thinking -
This movie would be inappropriate for those kids - I wonder how I could change
the channel - Just then I hear the garage door opening - I jump up and I'm in
frantic fit reaching for the remote and I start hitting buttons like crazy
I got lucky and the channel changed.
In walks the dad - he looks over at me as if this is an everyday event to have
a stranger in his living room and says "Hi - my name is ---"
I reply "Hi my name is Hope2Recover"

Next one in is a DS of theirs shivering like crazy - the mom is following and
she looks really pissed off.

She prepares a spot for her DS on the couch by moving some cushions and
gets a comforter and puts it over him - After she makes sure he is comfortable
she turns toward me and looks me right in the eye and ask
"Who are you ?"

"Hi my name is Hope2Recover - I'm with -"

I just realized I can't think of her name - I can't even remember if she told me.

I point down the hall and say "that girl"

She says "Hi my name is A" (it was the same name as my W)
I thought to myself 'I probably could have guessed that one'

"How long have you known B"

"Oh about 20 minutes - We met at the washout on g-- street and she seemed like a damsel in distress"

B reappears still fired up and says to her sister "Are you going to church tomorrow ? -
I want to go to church tomorrow, well we need to get going I'll talk to you later"

We get in the car and B starts talking like crazy about her situations and experiences and remarks that
I seem to be a positive type of guy.

Just as I'm dropping her off. B says she'll be at some place Friday night and invites me to come along.

She seems a little too fired up for my speed: Friday comes and goes.

My W and I have been seperated for over a year.

She seems to be in a state of withdrawal.

I need advice on how I can get our family back together.

I bought and read HSHN and then gave it to her. She says she doeesn't have the time to read it. She is taking classes to get a master's in teaching.

Last night I drove the 56 miles bought $22. of groceries and some flowers for W, fixed supper for DD1, DD2, a guest of theirs, myself and made sure there was plenty left over for W so that she could have something after class - made sure all the dishes were done and then removed 2 truck loads from a large bush she wanted removed from the back yard. Afterwards she informed me that if I was doing any of this to "work on her" that I should not come up anymore. (this was the 4th time I've prepared supper in the last 2 weeks)
Today she e-mailed me that I should leave before she gets home.

Any suggestions ?

Update:

My W invited me to come along for a trip to take DS1 to his
camp and then retracted the invitation since she felt I
would misplace the invitation as an encouraging thing to
our relationship rather than just a means of being with
DS1 when he goes to camp.

I asked her if I could go to our home to work on the stone patio and look at our front porch situation (in need of repairs) while she and the family were away visiting her cousin. At first she said that would be ok with her and then she said no. I asked her why and she said "Just take no as no"

We then made arrangements for her to drop off the children at a meeting place (which would save me about 80 miles of travel) I asked her to make sure to have them bring bathing suits and she could bring hers too - that made her laugh
- At least she laughed -

Still looking for advise ---

If no one is going to answer or give advice I will start writing to journal:

Dear Journal,
Yesterday went good - W was willing to meet me so that I didn't have to drive such a long distance - DS1 went to camp. DD1, DD2 and DS2 went with me - DD1 and I played tennis and we all went swimming. We had a meatless supper
(which is not our normal meal) but it was good.
We met W on her way back and W and I had a pleasant conversation about DS1's camp set-up.
SIL was with W (I am not sure how she feels about W and I)
I'm not sure how she feels about men anyway.

Breaking news: The Monday night supper plan has changed since SIL asked DD1 if she wanted to go play tennis and then DD1, DD2 and DS2 would have supper with her. DD1 called and asked if that would be alright and I said
"No problem" since I don't want the children to feel
I'm imposing on their fun.

I give you an update later.
H2R

Neighborhood events from last night:
Loaned some tools to Bob to get his motorized skateboard going again.
Hopefully this one wasn't stolen (he got in big trouble last time for
fixing a scooter for a friend that was stolen) He had success - drove
it for about 20 minutes before putting it away.
Bob's girlfriend (BG) said he's been working at it all day.
She didn't seem too happy about that.

After that I went to the campground last night - split some hemlock
firewood down to kindling - ahh the therapy -

- a little drama in the neighborhood - (names changed to
protect the innocent and guilty) - rumor has it Bob was threatened to be
torchered and then killed by girlfriend's father - don't know if her
rich dad found out she's pregnant
- everyone in the neighborhood knows. The noise Bob generated got me out of bed.
Bob figures he can get his friends AK-47s to help him.

Strongman went back to work on third shift Sunday nite - has been out since
sometime in spring from back injury during car accident - opted not to have
surgery - was a little sore but headed back again last night.
Nicegirl and her significant other (don't know if live-in boyfriend or husband)
went on vacation to Vegas (we'll keep an eye on their house while their gone).

Bigmouth was quite loud again - screaming toward the street at her 12 yr old -
"Where the f--- are you going, - don't give me any s---, you get back home
or I'll break your kneecaps "
This was at 10:15 pm.

Bob's aunt (BA) and I went out at 10:30 and picked up sandwiches from the place that
makes the best cheesesteaks - I figured I had to honor the creator somehow.
(creator of Philadelphia cheesesteaks died last week)
Watched Bob play some violent video game while eating the cheesesteak.

Gave BA $5. for the monthlong lottery daily number (fundraiser for her DS1's football
team)

Rumor has it BA's boyfriend is getting out of jail soon - I wonder if BA will have him
move back in - His story is 10 years ago he was at a party and a girl offered and
he accepted without knowing her age - got arrested and left New Jersy without having
it cleaned up.
Apartment manager would not be happy having a registered sex offender living there.

Overall a quiet night - no fires, no police, no fights amd no cars towed.

Rumor on the street:
Rich dad had a heart attack - BG didn't want to see him.
The guess is he was told about the pregnancy.

Back to resolving conflict:
W has been friendlier - even made a pun in an e-mail.

Would I be better off ignoring her ?

I hate the idea of not working toward resolution.

a suggestion - you may want to change the name of your thread.
the funny story is a small part of your thread.
the bigger issue is, you need help and advice.

I will share my thoughts after reading this - you are a doormat to your WW. You let her call ALL the shots. That is not right, and you need to work on changing that. She 'invites' you to ride along when DS goes to camp, and then takes the offer back? how about "WW, I am planning to be in the car with DS when he goees to camp. He is, after all, my son. If you do not want to be with me, then so be it.YOU can stay home. But I am DS's Dad, and I want to drop him off at camp."

Also, the home repairs? What is the purpose of that? If you are trying to get the hosue ready to sell, then ok, tell her you will be over on ___ at 10:00, to do the repairs. BUT if you are only hoping she will see you doing home repairs and suddenly fall at your feet, then it does not appear to be effective, so I would back off. I suspect that right now she sees you as needy, clingy, and sad. She sees you hanging around looking like a love sick puppy, and that is just not attractive. When a WW starts to get that sort of attitude, she will usually start tos ay things like "you need to move on, find some else, lets file for D, it will be better for you".

Quit making things easy for her. What is her motivation to change? You tell her to make sure the kids bring their swimsuits - just leave it at that. Let her undesrtand that YOU are having fun, with your kids, and she is missing out because she is a WW.

Have you read Dobsons "Love Must Be Tough"?

WOF:

Thank you for your response.

I have not read Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough"

There is a PFA (protection from abuse) order against me.

By this order I'm not allowed in the home unless it's by
her approval - this order is in effect until September.

BTW: I never hit her - I broke a kitchen cabinet drawer
& got loud with her and her family.

She has not filed for divorce but has started to say
"you need to move on"

I did go again last night, fixed supper and had a good time with the children. I left shortly after she got back from class.

I'm thinking of waiting until September before I make such
demands as "I will be there at 10 to do etc."

I feel we have the ability to have a great marriage if
we both were to follow the MB guidelines.

DS1 needed to be dropped off at the same time I have visitation with the other 3. The logistics of me going along were not worked out anyway.

Any suggestions would be greatly apprieciated.

I would suggest you start a new thread under General Questions II.
You will get a lot more response over there

GQ II is under the infidelity catagory,
Also if WW stands for wayward wife please just use W.

We are in a conflict I would like to resolve, I think resolving conflict fits our situation best.

I have made progress recently and I think its by the things I've done - suppers, building fires, and a little landscaping work.

I just wonder if I should go with a plan A, plan B route
or am I just fooling myself into thinking there is a possibility of resolving our issues.

I made the trip again on Monday - got detoured on the way because of a shooting that occurred - the police blocked the road and I had to take another route. Supper got started late and before we were finished W showed up
(she got out of class early). She didn't have any cheese steaks but she did eat the other stuff.
Tonight is her final exam - W says she does not know when classes resume.
Just got a reply from a short e-mail I sent asking about me coming up tonight - her entire e-mail: "Yes"

Does anyone know the best way to get thru to her that a
reconciliation would be the best thing for our family ?

Hope2...how did this rift come about? I am a new arrival to this message board so forgive me if I missed the beginning of this? Your fault, her fault, no fault or a combined effort to destroy your marriage.

One thing for sure when you are studying for your masters it can be all consuming. So what do you do besides the puppy dog in need of a belly rub thing?

It sounds as though you and your H would (fingers crossed) benefit from some joint counseling. Your wife will maybe find the time after the study is concluded. If she is like most mature women that return to the classroom she has as much on her plate as she can stand. If you were not helpful before the split she simply eliminated having to maid for someone that was supposed to be her "help mate".

More info would be helpful.

Our apartments are railroad style townhouses

Each have their own front door - each have their own back door.

I was in my bathroom looking out the back window - I saw the neighbors
clothes line with a see-thru negligee and I think to myself:

How nice of her to give her boyfriend such a treat, but then I remember:

He's BLIND

- The gears in my head come to a screeching halt and they
disappear into a foggy blue smoke.

Hey Phor -
Thank you for your input -
a quick summary:
I was acting quite selfishly after W had an operation - We started fighting quite a bit and we felt a seperation could help. One Sunday W said I could not use the van for an outing with the children and I had an angry outburst - broke a kitchen cabinet - got very loud with her and my in-laws. There is a PFA order against me that will last until September. I have since gotten some IC, bought HSHN, read it and gave it to W - she has said she has not had time to read it.
This was about a year ago and I understand how out of line I was but W seems to be in a state of withdrawal.
She finished her summer session and last Sunday I asked her to e-mail me when I could come up to fix supper and hang out with the children - I have not gotten any e-mail since.
I am interested in advice that would follow the MB guidelines concerning my situation.

Regards,
H2R

Should I send this e-mail ?

Dear W,
Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I can't recall saying "You are wacked" in front of the children. If I actually did so
I'm sorry. I wonder if you are referring to the "That's wacked" comment I made when
your volume got so loud that I was able to hear your echo from the neighbor's house
across the street and I asked you to tone it down and you said no. As I recall that
comment was only in front of DD1.
(you got loud when you were telling her not to be loud)

DD1 is 18. She was at a Sunday morning church event that had a get together
afterwards. She was with her boyfriend's mother. Her cell phone was shut off for
the service. She stayed for a lunch afterwards that she was not apparently aware of
beforehand. She turns has cell phone on and gets a call from DD2. Your upset since
she got a call from DD2 but did not return your calls.

Feel free to correct any of the preceeding because I have no personal knowledge of these assumptions.

I believe it was a mistake of hers not to notify you of her being later than planned.

From my perspective you did seem too upset for the circumstances. I do feel my daughter's
actions did not warrant such an outlandish verbage you spit at her. From what I was able
to hear from out on the sidewalk "You have no respect for people, you have no respect for
money" I was able to hear this because of the level of volume you were screaming at her
even tho you were in the house with the doors closed.

For some odd reason you also pick this time to scream at her about the way she is
spending money.

I then see you with DD1's money in your hand - change from the graduation gift Dad
and my stepmother gave her. It is my understanding this change was after she bought a jean jacket.
There were no strings attached to this gift. I actually think they would be pleased if
they knew the money was used to purchase a jean jacket. I am curious as to why you think
you have a right to have that change in your hand.


Have you read the book I gave you "His Needs, Her Needs" ?

You didn't address my other question:
Have you gotten a schedule for your fall classes ? - let me know the times and dates.
I have enjoyed the cooking and eating the suppers I've had with the children and I would like them to continue.

Regards,
H2R

Had a good weekend with the children -

got quite angry with W when she wouldn't answer the door.

I wanted to tell her that her rear passenger side tire was in very bad condition - she just ignored me and it got under my skin.

DD2 just got her permit and she got her first change to drive a car faster than 20 MPH

It was exciting for me.

Definition of ignorance is bliss:

DD2's 12 yr old brother sleeping in back seat while she is driving.