Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
| Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum

Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Forums Calendar Active Threads
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Re: Pains in recovery .....
LovingAnyway #1713471 07/30/06 10:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 94
E
endofworld Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
endofworld
Member
E
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 94
Quote
1)I cant understand why FWH even needs to heal. I'm the victim yet the villain needs to heal his broken heart! That there were once romantic & emotional links that need to be cut off, (in addition to physical NC) hurts. I feel jealous. LA said 2yr A is likely LTA though."

You accept you cannot understand that your FWH is going through withdrawal...from a fantasy. That was severely hard for me, too...his heart feels broken...it isn't. The self-backlash when he really gets to all of what he thought was real, isn't, is devastating...drug withdrawal...not from a person. I hope this helps you through this time.

"2) Someone suggested FWH may feel guilt for OW also. I see OW as trash that FWH just shakes off & walk away from. But that's not the case. I feel indignant."

Temporarily, FWH may feel guilt...seeing himself in the total destructor perspective, including the OW...mine did...until he got that OW wasn't real at all...took time...because confusion beween fantasy and reality is what the FWH is in and trying to sort through...remember, right now is not forever...it is temporary. Respecting whatever it is he thinks, feels, believes and perceives is HIS, helps. what you wrestle is what you do; what he does is his...hold that belief and try not to judge, expect, control...what is not yours, 'k?

LA

Hi LA

This separation of fantasy & reality is just I need to save my sanity, rid my jealousy & indignity.

It gives tremendous comfort & is great consolation as I continue on my journey to learn not to judge & expect control........

I realise that to sustain stamina, there's much "talking to oneself" - consoling self, encouraging self etc. Thanks for helping me do this better.

BTW pampered myself with shopping yesterday & got myself a new wardrobe. Ha, still remmember what pep said about rewarding self for all my hard work & perserverence. Sure am one contented gal now..... & a confident looking too with a refreshed wardrobe. Wow

endofworldnomore
Re: Pains in recovery .....
LovingAnyway #1713472 07/30/06 10:45 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 94
E
endofworld Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
endofworld
Member
E
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 94
Quote
We had our weekly chat last nite. FWH shared that he feels responsible for kids & I. I feel proud that he's brave man to come to this realisation. On the other hand, I feel lousy it's responsibility, not love."

Please don't cut off your own well-being by DJing...he feels responsible...he sees his choice, choosing you and family. Choosing to love can't be far away, can it?

Stay present, EOW...and hear what is being said, shared and do not allow yourself to judge your way into resentment.

You are a blessing, EOW. Remember that, too.

LA

(FWH) Choosing to love (me) cant be far away...... :-)

Such wonderful dose of hope. Or is it expectation? Sometimes, it's not so easy to tell them apart huh? Whatever, it's a very life-giving thot.....

Yes, will focus on not judging & letting go of what I cant control.

And yes, a pat on the back for being a blessing myself too!

I count all you wonderful MBers who have given me & so many others like me the best possible advice & support, as the best blessings I have, other than my FWH with a willing heart

endorworldnomore
Re: Pains in recovery .....
LovingAnyway #1713473 07/30/06 11:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 94
E
endofworld Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
endofworld
Member
E
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 94
Quote
We had our weekly chat last nite. FWH shared that he feels responsible for kids & I. I feel proud that he's brave man to come to this realisation. On the other hand, I feel lousy it's responsibility, not love."

Please don't cut off your own well-being by DJing...he feels responsible...he sees his choice, choosing you and family. Choosing to love can't be far away, can it?

Stay present, EOW...and hear what is being said, shared and do not allow yourself to judge your way into resentment.

You are a blessing, EOW. Remember that, too.

LA

Wow what wonderful hope! That of FWH choosing to love (me) being not too far away. Or is it expectation? Not easy to tell apart ...... but who cares...... I breathe this life-giving hope....

Will work at cutting down on judging & letting go of urge to control what I cant control

Yes, me a blessing too, very sweet notion..... I take that compliment too.

But you MBers who have given me so much advice & support are the ones with the most dazzling halos. You helpful souls are my greatest blessings, just like my willing FWH....

enofworldnomore
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 365 guests, and 78 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,839 Registered Users
Forum Rules · Mark All Read Contact Us · Forum Help · Marriage Builders
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Feedback | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Site Map | Account
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5