Our male friend and his common-law girlfriend/fiance of five years have separated. (Forty-ish. No kids.)

As suspected, he found her in the beginnings of an affair. Definitely an EA, likely a PA. She has also been drinking heavily for a while. He exposed the affair, talked to the OM and they have no contact anymore.

She moved out of their home and in with a female friend. She told him her main concern with their relationship is their debt. She wants him to sell off property so that her share of the debts are wiped out. Then she'll start over with him. So she's pretty clear on what she wants and its FS. If they split up forever, they will have to sell some stuff to pay off bills, anyhow. So there really isn't a choice.

He says he wants her back and is making changes to get her back, including considering selling some stuff.

He says he has never been happy with their sex life. Frequency was a big issue, they'd go for weeks without.

What I don't understand--maybe because I am a woman?--is that, on one hand he is asking us for support for his relationship, to try and win her back. On the other hand, he says he just NEEDS to be with another woman physically and thinks he should date right away, 1--for sex and affection and 2--to make her jealous. He says that "taking care of things for himself" isn't enough right now. He's lonely. (Yes, I'm keeping my distance.) He's had other ladies show interest, but we've said they can't be very classy ladies if they're preying on this sensitive situation.

We don't have a wise response other than DONT. Hubby didn't date for two years after his first wife left him and he had no desire for sex at that time. Guys, is there a good response for a horny, affectionate separated guy?

Yes, he has the links to this site. I'm hoping he's reading this.


Mrs. W8ing