I posted earlier what my faults as a husband were. At least according to my ex ww. I want to send this message to her and would like opinions.

Message as follows:

ex WW,

Our talk yesterday stung. A lot.

I want you to know that when I first arrived here, I had hopes of being able to take you out to different places and I planned on many different things we could do.

I was thinking about this, since you say I'm boring, and realize that I had plenty of fun, different things planned for us if you had just given me the chance to do them. So what were these things?

I wanted to take you on a cruise by the bay in DC. Similar cruises are offered in Baltimore.
I wanted to take you to Adventure Land to go go-carting since you enjoy that so much. They also have miniature golf and an indoor arcade.
I asked several times if you wanted to go swing dancing. Your site claims you love to dance. You name the style and you're there. It would have been fun and I know you would have enjoyed it.
I was happy to go country dancing, which you always enjoy.
I was planning on taking you horseback riding for Mother's Day, but realized you wouldn't go. I had the location ready and reservations on standby.
I have wanted to take you to Dave and Busters, to relive our courtship and our memories there.
I wanted to surprise you one night and take you to an open field to go star gazing in the park. I wanted to do this as a romantic thing and to fulfil a fantasy you always told me you had.

This is a small list of the things I wanted to do.

You have made assumptions about what I'm happy to do when I have the free time. Having your parents here to help with the kids in addition to (Nanny) was an opportunity for us to re-engage as friends and as a couple if you had only given me the chance to do so. No, I didn't picture us sitting on our butts in our house on Friday or Saturday nights just playing video games or watching movies. There are things I wanted to do and still feel we could have done to rekindle things. All I needed was a chance.

We were unable to do things like this in England because they were either too expensive or unavailable for us to do. We didn't do them in Kansas because we didn't trust anyone enough to leave the kids with in the short time we were there.

You wanted variety? You would have had it if you had simply opened up to letting me take you out again and surprise you.

This is what I wanted and what I planned for us and was saving it in order to surprise you and hopefully have you see how much you meant to me. I wanted to show you I could romance you again and be romantic. It only required a chance and an open mind.

Did I make a lot of mistakes the last few months? Absolutely. But I can't take them back and can't undo them and can't apologize enough.

So there you have it. Those were the things I wanted to do to try and win you back. I wanted to continue doing them once we were re-married. Now you say there is no chance, so I can't do those things.

The attention you always craved was there for you to get. All you had to do was give me the chance. I've already told you about my willingness to fix the problems you say you had in our marriage regarding my mom as well as other things.

Now we argue all the time. You hate me and hate talking to me.

I'm not a monster or a man that is crazy. I am a man who has been deeply hurt by the one person he loved most outside of his children. Throw that on top of all the changes that have happened recently and, yes, I haven't really been myself.

Am I judgemental? Only if there is a chance it will affect the kids. I could care less about these people and what they do with their lives or if they want to party all the time, wear a million tattoos, or bike till they die. The only reason I judged some of them was because I feel that they might be great people to hang out with, but definitely not people I want as examples for our kids. Are all your friends on myspace bad? Obviously not. Adam, Jesse, Aaron all seem like decent guys based on their sites.

I do not hate you. I will continue to try and include you on things I do with the kids and you are always welcome in my home. You are the mother of my children.

Why do I tell you these things? Because I want you to know that the things you are looking for have always been right there, just a phone call or e-mail away. It would have started with a coffee and grown from there. I wanted to surprise you with them and romance you as if we were dating again for the first time. Now I don't have that opportunity.

I wanted to love you and take care of you and the kids. My intentions and willingness to work with you were always there. All you had to do was look.

Did you want me to have the kids this weekend? Did you want to talk some more? Do you want to come to any kind of settlement on visitation between us?

Please setup your phone line soon. It would be nice to call the kids during the day and it only takes a few minutes to get it setup.

Finally, I really need my Academy ring back. I have my reunion in September and I really would like to have my ring resized by that time.

Call me if you want to talk about anything.

Papa

I'll throw my 2 cents in here.

Here's what this message says: "I'm a doormat".

Why do you continue to let this person manipulate you?

Hi Papa,
I dont like it at all. It does seem a little grovely... Her foggy, ranting blather does not deserve a logical response. She wont hear a word of it, anyway.

Please do not give any kind of response AT ALL! You're just defending yourself against her foggy accusations. You are already Divorced. She had an A and it's all your fault. How does one logically argue with that?? You cant. She cant hear it. Dont bother.

I'd respond by getting a new haircut and girlfriend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Motorcycle? Vacation with the kids? Really, do ANYTHING that doesnt involve HER. MOVE ON!

Do not let her think her speach affected you at ALL. She getting something out of yanking your chain. Let's not give it to her, OK?

She blames your reaction to the A for the failure of the marriage. Not her A, just your reaction?? Unreal. I'd not bash my head against that wall, any longer. Really! - Dru

Thanks. You guys are right. It won't accomplish anything.

She didn't have an affair. She had a one nighter. Not that that is better, but I at least don't have to deal with OM.

Today has been a good day on MB. I got some great info from Mortarman regarding custody.

I really appreciate everyone's advice and posts. Yes, this message does say, "I'm a doormat."

You got it! It wont accomplish a thing! Congratulations on that!

You sound good, Papa. Maybe that's why she went at you, trying to knock you down? They say living well is the best revenge, maybe she thought you looked a little too happy yesterday? Nice. I am sorry. And keep up the good work <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

ONS? That's even worse in my book, and I'll say it, especially for women. No emotions, just runting around? That's someone who just doesnt believe in monagamy. Good riddance, eh? You can do better, I'm sure! Please take care - Dru

Yep, responding to her trivial allegations just gives way more value to them than they deserve....

Sounds like you are taking too much blame for your part in the demise of your M.

She has probably controlled you throughout your M by shaming you and she is still trying to keep you on her leash, a cake eater.

I agree, begin to date again, get out there and begin to see that people will appreciate you!

I say...no contact unless it directly pertains to the kids or finances. Don't listen to her diatribes, accusations, and hints at reconciliation. That's how she has been keeping you weak. Don't give her the power.

The others are right. Get dating again. Find someone new - or at least get back in circulation - and her hold on you will fade that much more.

Get those legal and financial hammers going! How is the contempt case going? Stay on mission!