WH is saying all the right things, but he's still seeing and sleeping with OW. Found emails... started MC, but he is only going through the motions.

PlanA says to stop the affair, but how can I? One place says ro let A run it's course, another says to expose.

I had thought we were moving forward, but we have gone 3 steps back. He is unwilling to stop.

what should I do?

Exposure helps the Affair along its path to destruction, so it is part of plan A. This will help you to sort things out ….


The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A from Pepperband

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not apologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financial security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


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Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.