RK,

Thanks that last part made me LOL. I do see all your saying, but harder done than said.

You might think that, but that is fear talking in your head. Push it aside, show it you are stronger than a stupid and silly emotion. You are currently CHOOSING to LOVE YOUR WIFE against what all of your emotions are screaming at you about. That my friend, is how strong you really are. Choose over your emotions. Push the fear aside. Just do it. It is as simple as that Nike solution.

I play softball, and at times struggle at the plate (meaning I go 2 for 4 instead of batting .750 or higher), so, my response is during the game to swing that bat harder. No, in softball, generally your better off slowing the bat down and just making a nice soft looping hit in the outfield. It gets a nice safe single and moves the bases. That's all you need to do here, walk outside the house, see that weed, pull it, then another, then another. One foot in front of the other.

RK,
I'm taking steps everyday that will lead me to a place I'm not sure of. I know where I want it to go, but may never get there. Now the problem is WW wants me be move on and be happy somewhere else. So, I'll keep moving along my path of meeting EN and no LB. I was just asking any FWW if they have felt the way my W does as far as wanting H to be happy and move on. Or could it be guilt talking on her part. She was happy with OM and then DDay came so I was unhappy, therefore, me finding someone else to make me happy would make up for the pain she caused. I don't know, just asking. You know, I was thinking about the OM and he he with his W and not mine like you were saying. When I told my W about the talk I had with OMW she could believe the OM told his W that my W meant nothing to him and he is still in love with his W. My W could not get past that part too quickly. I WILL NOT LET TODAYS PHONE CALL STOP ME FROM MY GOAL.
thanks

M2L,



Does this come as a shock to you? Most A's are coupled with a poor marital relationship pre-A. Not always, but the odds have it. You weren't meeting her EN's pre-A. Suddenly, because she had an A, you are trying hard to meet her EN's and be a better H/father. Why should she trust this? Who says you aren't going to just stop making these efforts at any minute? Trust isn't something just the WS needs to earn back, it something the WS needs, just as much as the BS. You need to make it safe for her to trust you. She needs to know she can tell you anything, anytime. You both need to be 100% transparent with each other. Radical Honesty, make sure you are well read on this policy, because many couples don't subscribe to it, and IMO, they don't recover completely, if at all.



If she recognizes this, it is a good sign. She realizes she is unhappy, and also that neither her OM or you are making her any happier. This is good because at least you're still in the running. If she felt OM could make her happy for eternity, then you'd really be in trouble. What she doesn't realize yet, is why she is so unhappy. It's not because of OM, and it's not because of you. You didn't intentionally make her miserable, and you certainly did not give her permission to have an A. You need to know, that no matter what condition your M was in pre-A, this doesn't excuse her making the decision to have the A. Pre-A conditions are simply building blocks that can make some people (not everyone), more suseptible to having an A. Well guess what, you can build a block tower only so high before it comes crashing down, right?! Your wife is unhappy because she is not getting her EN's met. She's not feeling connected to her H. She doesn't feel like she has a true family unit because she feels nothing for her H. She's trapped, (in her mind) right now. The easiest thing to do when you're trapped is to give in to what makes you feel better. If you don't address this A and get through recovery, I guarantee she'll have another A. The OM is a fantasy, nothing more, but fantasies are a wonderful way to escape reality.



Sure, because right now she feels she cannot be that person for you. YOU need to change that. YOU need to show her just how much she CAN be that person who will make you happy for the rest of your life. I'm sorry if I sound like your wife has no responsibilities or work ahead of her, she does, and she will. But RIGHT NOW my dear, it is ALL up to you. Hard as this is to understand, she is in no condition to contribute to your needs right now. She is DEEP in the fog. The impact of the fog, as I said before, is commonly minimized by the BS. I'm telling you, sure as I sit here typing this out, this is not your wife, not the woman you married for life. She's in there though, and she needs YOU to bring her back.



Fog talk. What can I say. I did this frequently whenever I spoke of my children. She's having break-through guilt episodes. When she thinks about your children, and how they would be affected, the guilt of what she's done is most likely consuming her, making her feel worthless and not worth loving. That's why she can see you happy with someone else, because she's decided she's not worth loving. YOU need to change that.



There's ALWAYS hope. As my signature line reads. She's the one in the dream state, you need to stay in reality, stay focused on your goal. BTW, do you know what your goal is? I'll save you some reading.... it's to fall in love and stay in love. Never forget this.

HN

RK,

No offense fella, but for M2L's sake, I have to beg to differ on this one:



Radical Honesty. Openness, 100% transparency. Mind games like this only fuel the fire, IMO.

HN

Thanks HN,

I'm not into the mind games. Truth is the best way. I value you words and opions because of your background. Thank you agian for giving me hope when I thought it was gone today.
May God keep blessing all of us.

M2L,

Anytime fella, anytime.

Blessings,

HN