XH continues to unravel. Pretty much all his public functions have been nixed, although his salary remains unaffected, to my knowledge. An promising up-and-coming has been moved in to replace him in his leadership position. He is pretty clearly in disfavor.

This was not my doing, or anything to do with his behavior to me. He began to trip other wires. Plus, he is hooked up with a marginal person -- so his role seems to be downgraded to a more marginal role to match hers.

He continues to pontificate, but the settings are more and more private and unofficial, and it is more clearly involving a counterculture of loyalists (to him; disloyal to me) that is crystallizing around him. He is in a dangerous position: the more he toes the party line, the more he will alienate his counterculture; the more he appeals to the counterculture, the more he will be marginalized. I smell a power struggle coming up, and he is in a poor position to take it on.

I used to think that OW's countrymen -- the Columbian mafia -- would whisk them off to Bogota to set up his own tent. But they seem to be distancing themselves from the mess. Even her own daughter doesn't seem to be around much. Someone who had dinner with them recently said they seem to be going their own separate ways -- but XH's clinging and his inability to admit a mistake, plus her wish for a green card and prestige -- will keep this running for awhile. It may be out of gas, but you can go a long way on the fumes.

Glad I'm not in his shoes. I really don't hear much about it nowadays. I don't go out much -- I tried to "stay strong" publicly, but I set back my own Plan B recovery that way. Now I embrace my solitude. I enjoy it, actually. I'm reading the books in my own library, and it's fun. Spending a lot more time with kids and family. My public invisibility may be provoking him to attempt contact in backhanded ways.

There's a dead car in my driveway. Two weeks ago, XH used a mutual friend to send me a website address for a tow-away place. It was weird; this is none of his business. I thanked the friend, but said there must be some mistake because he has nothing to do with our household.

With increasing desperation, I am looking for work so that I can move away from here and start a new life. My job search, despite everyone's glowing comments about my resume, has not been fruitful to date.

So here's what's happened: XH is supposed to be sending me checks every month as an agreed-upon property settlement he said he couldn't pay in a lump sum, as I wished to avoid contact. It's a piddling monthly amount, from one angle -- but it adds up.

He is one week late so far with this month's payment. This is weird and very uncharacteristic. XH is NEVER late with payments of any kind. He is regular as clockwork. Something is happening, but I don't know what. Frankly, I don't care.

It's still possible that he's late for some unknown reason -- say, a coma. Or he may be testing my boundaries. It may be an attempt to force me to contact him, and acknowledge his existence or his new living arrangements. It may simply be, as one friend said, this is the "last place he got a free sandwich" and he's pining for it. He's too much of a control-freak to say so, in any case -- and he would never risk rebuff. He wants zero humiliation for himself.

I just don't care. There's is absolutely nothing I want from him. Talking to him AT ALL would set me back. I never have called his wistress's house -- and I don't intend to. She's creepy.

I have nothing I want to say to him. Sure I have fantasies of "educating" him, or chewing him out. But they are fantasies that I give less and less energy to. These kind of fantasies only play out well inside your head; in reality, they usually result in a fight. Hard knocks will have to be his teacher. For me, any contact is just a loss of energy. I don't even like having to spend time creating this post -- he has successfully managed to put himself back on my psychological agenda, and I don't like that.

I'm going to leave this matter for another week before I get active about this, but my options are few. What do I do?

I still owe money to my lawyer -- and it will cost to reinvolve him. But reacting strongly might be a signal that I'm not going to put up with game-playing.

Using mutual friends who might still be trying to suck up to him could backfire. Plus I don't want to involve supernumeraries in my legal/financial business.

I blocked his email address over a year ago, because he was using email to be abusive. I don't wish to reopen even that connection.

But I do want to send a strong signal not to play games with me. Otherwise, I'm setting myself up for increased contact over the remaining eight months of this deal.

Oh Am, laughed out loud reading your thread (the first time all day I might add).

No idea what your wierdo ex is up to, but this



may be why the check is late.

Or maybe he misses the stability and normalcy you provided and does want to see you "look" for him, just so he knows his world is less tilted because you are still in it.

I loved your writing on this post and can't imagine that you haven't been hired yet.

The world is full of fools AM, absolute fools they are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Weaver.

You know, his habits are so regular I began to think maybe it was me -- maybe it wasn't a two-year arrangement, but maybe he's paid in full and I don't know it.

Somewhere the D agreement lies buried in all my papers. But I don't even want to dig out that depressing document until I'm sure I have to.

My memory is normally superb, and I trust it.


NEWS FLASH **** NEWS FLASH **** NEWS FLASH ***

Curiously enough, the agreement WAS in my file, where it was supposed to be! Payment goes through May 1, 2007.

What a wonderful thing files are!

Actually, I can't even "prove" the dead-car incident was attempted contact.

The friend said XH had contacted him about a car removal, and he figured it was mine and thought it would be best to contact me directly, etc.

To my knowledge, XH has no dead car. But since I never go to her trailer home, I don't know. If the friend made the connection, it was likely correct. But I can't "prove" it.

But this is always the way it is with XH, I can't "prove" anything, and so there's no accountability. I can't "prove" he does subtle stalking things at public gatherings. I can't "prove" her stalking stuff, either. It's always the case that there are a series of little incidents that don't add up.

He's always protecting his own a$s -- always making sure that he can deny, deny, deny.

In fact, I understand that's what he's doing with his own marginalization. He's saying that nothing, really, has changed. Some people are even buying into that.

If nothing has changed, he doesn't have to get off his duff.

Just got back from the mailbox. Nada.

Hi AMM,

This would be my choice, given the options. Sends a VERY clear message in the driest way possible. It's be worth the $ to me just to keep my hands clean. Just my 2 cents - Dru

You're probably right, Dru.

Just that I haven't made a payment on my delinquent legal bill in some months, and I'm having trouble putting food on the table.

Plus my lawyer has changed firms -- my payments go to the old firm. To make a strong statement, it should come from the current attorney, I suppose -- my lawyer to his lawyer.

Don't know how this works.

I'm inclined to wait till second payment is late, a month from now, so there can be no doubt about what he's doing.