I asked two men, they said they'd probably put it in the 'too good to be true' catagory, in that she's 1) psycho 2) wants to get pregnant for the $$/blackmail or 3) has STD's

it would be with an older woman, say, 30 years old, with kids of her own. He keeps saying this with his mouth.

stonecold..
what is the point of listening to conversations like this...

did you babble back


thanks for the warning I'll be sure to look out for the husbands and childrens protection as you target women WITH children.....
nice of you to desire to spread the destruction no only to your own kids...but drags other in to it as well... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

why are you torturing yourself listening to
A N Y
of this

CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ark

ARK~~~~~

I think it's all crap, but Tool is trying to convince me that

~~~~~I'm ~~~~~~

The one not seeing things clearly.

Thank you for helping me see that I'm not the nut in this fruit salad.

Of course, I can't quote

~~~~any~~~~~

of you, because Tool has decided that EVERYONE on MB is nutz.

It's the debater in me. I need to let it go. Doesn't matter who's right anymore. I don't need to win this argument and need to walk away.

>>>>>>shrug.

I dont give a rat [censored] what TOOL is TRYING to convince you of...
there's no POINT in listening to it is there...

garbage in
garbage out

you do need to let it go..
cause until you stop YOUR participation and dance in this ...

you won't HEAR anything different...

he says the outrageous because he KNOWS you will rise to the bait of deBATE.....

let your silence roar!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in his empty thoughts...

ARK

That is because it is all about him....some day little girl wakes up and realizes she is sleeping with her grandfather....ask Rachel Hunter....who bore Rod Stewart's children....he was "too old" for her when she was 30...and he was almost 60...but it was different 10 years earlier???

This is so true, SC. When I'm participating in a debate, as long as there is competition, I'll keep arguing, justifying, debating, searching for stronger arguments... and so on.

When there isn't any debate... all I have left are my own thoughts... and sometimes that can be scary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Shaden

I knew he was trying, but I never guesses for a moment that you were buying it. He's a selfish old b*stard who got caught with his d*ck in the cookie jar. Again. There IS NO rational argument for YOU to agree to this. There might be some very rational arguments for HIM to keep this going, but not for you. What a worthless human. 'no man could resist'. Wow. I am sorry. I've had nothing good to say, so I havent, but I've given in. Please dont listen to such drivel! Please take care - Dru

I'm not sure which is worse...


Lying to find any kind of justification... "I couldn't resist"...

or actually having no control over your body.

I get the fog that many WS's fall into... a weakening of boundaries, etc.... but to just say I couldn't control myself????

Shaden

So not avoiding a wrong is "less bad" than not seeking a wrong.

So if Toolman parked his new SUV at the quickie mart running with the keys in it, and I stole it, well that would be "less bad" on my part than if I admired it, followed him to work, then jimmied the locks and hotwired it in the parking lot...

And the REALLY salient point is he could have avoided the first theft SIMPLY by taking his keys. In a like manner, he could have avoided HIS affair SIMPLY by having boundaries. Since it wasn't intentional and all.

People making their offenses "less bad" drive me nuts. That was YESTERDAY, done, completed, sealed and written on the scroll of the soul. What do you do TODAY to:
a) Fix what is broken
b) Ensure it doesn't happen again.

We do it all the time in the real world. Have you ever had a bad dinner, the manager comes out and apologizes, makes it right with a free dessert, and (I'm sure) talks to the staff so that it does not happen again. He only feeds you the excuses of how it happened if you press him.

Why is this any different???

So if Toolman parked his new SUV at the quickie mart running with the keys in it, and I stole it, well that would be "less bad" on my part than if I admired it, followed him to work, then jimmied the locks and hotwired it in the parking lot...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
love it....

ARK

I for one, wait let me check in my pants, yep I am a man.

Now I am only 37 right now so I don't know about being 44.

I have passed up I don't know how many opportunites to have SF with younger women.

I am in sales and have gone on many out of town trips. On one award trip I was propositioned by 3 different little hotties.

The first most persistent one I walked over to a single guy and said this is so and so and he is single and I am not.

The second one I just avoided especially after I was floating down the river pool and she grabbed my tube then went under the water fall and told me the water felt good and she was frustrated.

The third one was the biggest test. She was supposed to have a bunch of us to her room, all friends guys and girls to have some drinks before one of the events. When I arrived she was wearing a T-shirt and panties. I asked where everyone was and she called them all to cancel but forgot to call me. She said we could just hang out together. I politely declined and left.

Later at the event she basically told me that I really missed out by leaving.

When we got home from the trip all the women told my FWW how good I was. She was like what did they expect you to cheat on me or something. I said no but they saw me reject three women because I would never cheat on you. I think they respect me because of how much I love you.

This has actually been one of the hardest things on me is that she knew this and still had an A. The first time it was really possible in our M for her.

At the time I was only 31 so again I don't know about the age thing but being in Puerto Rico without my FWW and the alcohol flowing. I think that was a good test.

Stonecold...

I am intrigued by this part of your thread. I apologize that I do not know the history of your situation. There are no physical problems with the Toolman, but he has chosen for a long time to not have sex with you? Why is that?

For 5 years now I have worked at meeting my W's needs. When we had serious issues, most of them started with me and my alcoholism. I've corrected a great deal of my shortcomings in our M, but my W has not addressed her part in our unhappy past... Our SF is infrequent because of me. My needs have been unmet for many years and I do not have the same 'desire' for her as I used to.

Maybe I should start my own thread... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Gib

(((Gib)))

Thanks for the hug Katie...

I have a reason for asking Stonecold why no SF. Whether the M fails or is saved, Stonecold has to recognize her part in the M going bad. This can be the most painful part of recovery for some people. Accepting that you have serious personality flaws and then working at controlling/improving those flaws. Becoming a better person, a better wife or husband, and a better parent is what we should all be striving for. That way when we are in a relationship, we bring something of value to the other person.

Quite franlky, in the past 2 to 3 years I have felt more used than appreciated. I provide the lifestyle ($$), the emotional support, the conversation outlet, and the acceptance/enthusiasm for almost all decisions that my W makes (Ex. wanting 2 or 3 dogs instead of one...). But if you asked my W what she does for me, she would say laundry, clean the house, pay the bills. Quite simply, those do nothing for my emotional well being... I can easily pay someone for those services.

Stonecold, I'm sorry for spewing some of my problems on your thread. Again my purpose is ask the question - What was your role in this bad marraige and what are you doing to correct it?

Gib

Hey Gib (Is that like Gib from the Dodgers?)-

Thanks for the questions and advice. WH "cut me off" from SF because I packed on some poundage after the babies. In fact, he stopped wanting SF with me as soon as I was about 4 months pregnant the first time, and I got a little belly. I'm still overweight, but not in a hideously ugly kinda way. FWH is absolutely repulsed and disgusted by me, though. Prefers the company of the tight skinned 20 year old, I'm afraid.

Hey, I thought this was an anonymous board!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for answering one of my questions Stonecold...

How about the other question? What was your role in the apparent failure of your M?

Gib

Gibby1,



I would like to post to you about the above. It sounds so eerily familiar to what my M was like pre A. I don't have time tonight but I will try to post to you tomorrow from work. Hopefully we can gain some insight from each other. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gib-
Sorry, I was in a hurry, and didn't read your second question. I wasn't trying to "dodge" it, promise.

My contributions to the sad state our marriage is in are manifold. I'll refer you to my other threads, as imanotherone, found in my sig line, as well as the active thread about current "affairs" under stonecold. I will own my role in the destruction, such as failure to meet H's emotional needs, depression, self-medicating my depression with food and wine, and just being an overall bi+ch.

At this point, it's really a waste of time to do a post-mortem on the corpse of my marriage, as I'm not looking to start another R any time soon. For now, I hope to become a stronger, more self-confident person, and become the kind of role model my children deserve.

It seems that you are under the impression that ~~I~~ was the one to cut off the ol' hubby. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am dying inside, from lack of physical contact (we don't even touch or hold hands or anything). I truly feel alone, and used to feel pretty worthless. Do not think I used sex as ANY kind of manipulative tool. That, IMVHO would be like cutting off the nose to spite the face, K?

I'll own my demons, but I won't own that I DROVE the ol' WH to the crotch of a 20 year old by withholding sex. Wasn't sure if that was what you were getting at, but just in case, I wanted to clear that one up for ya.

Stonecold, Harley says (and we all know without anyone saying it) that SF is important in a marriage, and physical attractiveness does play a part in the SF factor; however, as a relationship grows the physical part should not be able to overshadow the entire SF concept.

I think that Toolman was being a tool so-to-speak...He was using the age old "men are wired that way" excuse to justify his BS.

And believe me-BS is indeed what it was...

I hope that the pain will go away sooner rather than later for you.

Be sure to do the postmortem later, when you are emotionally able.

You will want to do this because you will need to be able to avoid hooking up with another "tool" man...