ok I dont even know if I should be posting this here or not, but I dont know what to do...
I believe my best freind is being abused phyiscally & emoionaly , verbally, & every other aspect there is but I am more worried about the physical..

Sunday night she had called my husband & asked him a question.. this was at 1 in the morning.. all the sudden he said he heard her scream & the phone went dead... he grabbed his self defense tool & was walking out the door,
I called her right back & asked whatthe heck was going on, & she said nothing no big deal but was crying very hard & kept asking him to please leave & leave her alone... I told her my husband was on his way over & she said ok
well 2 minutes after I hung up with her she called right back & asked that my husband not come please, then 10 minutes later her boy friend called my husband & said he was sorry, & that he has calmed down, my husband said he still wanted to go over there.. I told him I dont think you should she knows what she got into, & if she wants it to end she will end it its not worth you going to jail over, we come first not her... Had he not called yes I would have let my husband go over there.. Not the point I called her mom to no answer, her mom called back like 2 hours later & I explained to her what was going on.. She then told me about my best friend supposdley falling in the bath tub last wednesday, she said she has a HUGE bruise on her left side of her face, & it & her ear are swallowen.. She also has a knot on her fore head her mother is a bit of an exgerattor(sorry SP???).. Well I went over there on Monday to pick up her son to spend the night at my house, & her mom was right.. I questioned her about it, & she said she fell There is NO way this was from falling... especially in the shower NO WAY at all.. I told her I dont believe her.. & she got mad & said I dont care what you believe.. There is also brusies on her arm & legs, ons on the leg I actually think are from tables etc... On arm I know are fom him grabbing her or hitting her, you can see the finger marks.. what can I do to get her to open up about him doing this to her??? I am scared to death for her, I know it is only getting worse, & all she does is protect him.. He does not work or supprot his kids 1 by her 2 from a previous marriage.. She does all of it.. & does not make much money..
I told her I loved her & we would do what ever we can to get her out of this situatiuon she is In & I meant it.. She told me I was crazy & that she loves himm...
she is my closest in dearest freind & I would do anything in the world for her, I want to help her , but have no clue how.. especially since she wont admit this is going on.. has anyone been thru this & how do I help her, before it is to late & he ends up killing her

MO3,

Never been through any of this, therefore I am by no means qualified to give advice. I will only give a suggestion, which may be of no value. Call and make an anonomous report. If she has bruises that look like finger marks, she won't be able to blame a fall for them.

Also, if you recieve a call like the last one, report a domestic dispute and have the cops, rather than your H go over. I am like your H, I will stand up for any woman who is eing abused. Thank him for being that way.

I will send a prayer in your friends direction.

Does she have children? Maybe you can call CPS and report domestic violence in the home. You can't make your friend accept help, but if there are children, they can be removed from that awful situation.

Hi Mommy,

I've been in an abusive relationship before...many years ago.

I'm not sure my experience relates, but it might help you understand your friends mentality.

I know in my situation the man I was with was well liked by my friends and family - when I hinted to them that he was abusive, they didn't want to believe me, and certainly didn't want to interfear.

I was also afraid to tell anyone what was really going on, because he had told me more than once he'd kill me if anyone ever found out. I didn't believe him at first, but after a while I was quite sure he meant it.

Your friend may very well be afraid of what will happen to her, the kids, or to you if she fesses up. Who knows what this man is capable of?

She may also be afraid of what would happen if she tried to leave. Where could she go?...Would he try to find her?...What would he do if he did know where she was?...Could she support herself and the kids?...Does she take all the kids, or just hers?...What if he tries to take the kids away from her?

I agree with the suggestions about involving the police, but be cautious with that one. I say that because the police may not do anything when they respond to the call aside from talking to all involved parties. If that happens, and he thinks she was somehow responsible for involving the police he may get angry and take it out on her.

It may help to get her alone and tell her in black and white terms that you know what's been happening and won't accept any excuses from her. Let her know she can trust you and that you'll do your absolute best not to put her in danger. Then offer to support and help any way you can.

Check with the shelters for abused women in your area...they often have counsellors available to help, as well as many other resourses and suggestions.

You can't make her leave, but you can help her to feel less alone in her situation. That may be just what she needs to start making moves towards getting away from him.

Good luck to you...and your friend.

Take care,
B.

Research all of the shelters in your area...

Most communities have safe houses

give her all the information you can..

CALL THE POLICE any opportunity that arises...

DO NOT send your husband..
the potential for violence to him, and her is greatly multiplied....
inspite of martial arts training...

the police MUST be notified to start a paper trail... not your husband......

Of all the calls police answer domestic violence are the most dangerous...
way way too much of a wildcard.....any thing can go down..

some options are helping her get a secret cell phone to keep on her to call the police...

help her set up money to start a plan to leave....

research shelters.
give her the information

ARK

Sometimes all you can do is just be there.Sometimes they aren't ready to leave,just let her know you support her when she decides to.My friend was in this situation and when I moved to Ga when H joined the army I offered to take her and the kids with us.Needless to say she wouldn't go,still denied she had a problem,it was her fault he did these things she said.Finally one night he beat the crap out of her and she went to the er and relized she could have been dead.She left him then.The point of this is no matter how mad you get at her for not getting out you still need to let her know you love her and will be there when she is ready and needs you.

THANK YOU EVERYONE