There's been much discussion on the use of keyloggers, voice recorders and other methods of catching a cheating spouse, but how on earth do you go about catching a cop? I have a dear friend whose husband is acting weird. She won't come right out and say she thinks he's cheating. She does not have access to his police car. He locks it up tight and she's afraid to go into it even while he's sleeping. She's terrified of getting caught snooping on him but her gut's telling her something's not right. The have been seperated before...

Are there recorders that are silent? Where would she hide it in the car? He has to do a sweep of the back seat at the beginning of his shift and after he transports prisoners.

He's also dismantled his cell phone and made it only usable as a 2-way. Does this prevent individual calls from showing up on his cell phone records? Anyone with Nextel know? She has access to NOTHING. Financials, paystubs, bills. NOTHING.

He's also started checking up on HER. Projecting his guilt onto her, maybe?

Thanks for any insight you all might have.

If he uses the home computer, I'd get one of those little keyloggers that plugs in between the keyboard cord and the CPU. Spyware won't pick it up.

Nextel phones have GPS in them.

There is a thread that has info about enabling the GPS function in Nextel phones.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

I got thinking some more, and it bugs me that she doesn't have access to any of those things. Is her name on any of them? Was it ever?

Nope.... He's very good at covering his tracks and being secretive. Even on stuff that doesn't matter.

Not sure the GPS would do her much good. He's a patrolman and lives in the car. I'll investigate it for her. I wonder if it can be enabled without her having to have possession on the phone.

There are other ways to "catch" someone cheating. Here are a few tips, from someone who has gotten really good at catching liars:

First, DO NOT let on that you are suspicious. Act like everything is wonderful and perfect. If the cheater thinks you're looking for evidence, I can guaran-dam-tee you the evidence won't be there.

Second, Enlist support. Is there a close friend (not of the opposite sex of the cheater) who can get near the cop? Reason I say don't go with a woman cop is that the person you confide in, may in actuality, be the affair partner. Do not trust blindly.

Third, look for evidence of the affair by catching a bunch of little lies. Does the WH say he's one place, but you find he's somewhere else? If the affair partner is a fellow cop, look to see if there are women proximate to the WH who really don't belong there. Say, for example, a dispatcher shows up at a function usually only attended by patrolmen.

Fourth, check clothing for female perfume scent, or for little scraps of paper or receipts that don't make sense.

Fifth, WH will probably try to contact the affair partner while at home. He probably has a special area of the home where he takes secret calls. Put your tape recorder THERE. Eventually, he'll wake up in the middle of the night and need a fix, and make the call. Bang! You've got him.

The big thing is....DO NOT CONFRONT until your evidence is irrefutable. I collected evidence on my WH for three months, and have everything from signed receipts from WH and the bimbo to tape recordings of his plans to bring her to functions in another town with some male friends. It's all there, as long as you don't get him suspicious. Smile, even when you KNOW he's lying.

As the friend, you CANNOT be snide with the WH, and give him any idea you are onto him. Smile, tell him what a great husband he is, and watch his eyes. You'll get the confirmation right there.

So sorry your friend is going thru this.

I agree you can still catch someone cheating, even if they are a cop. Believe me. Here are a some things I'd do:

Some WH are different in their contact method. Mine would never have jeapordized his job by meeting OW for s*x during work hours. Stone is right, it is imperative your friend not show any suspicion. If she has confronted him or questioned him at all, she should tell him something to the effect of, "Sweetie I realized you're right, I'm being silly...I know you'd never do something like that..." Even if she is gagging the whole time. Cops are naturally suspicious.

Depending on their possible method of contact: Try to get into his work voice mail (mine's was incredibly easy - he uses an easy password and always has); if she is able to get into his work car I think the digital voice recorder would be good IF she can get a top-quality one that can handle hours of conversation. They have radios in their cop cars and are on the whole time they are in their car! I'd hide it under his driver's seat. Sometimes there is a flap from the vinyl or carpeting under the seat for the recorder and have the microphone dangle out slightly.

What kind of non-work unaccounted for (or unverifiable) time does he have? Mine went "golfing" and to the driving range and once I recall to the "movies" alone. She needs to find out where they are meeting, motel, private home, etc. The next time he says he is going somewhere without her, I'd either make arrangements to follow him with someone else's car (or rent one), have someone else follow him (like a friend), or if money isn't too much of a problem - hire a detective to follow him on his days off if he is able to get out and about. For example, your friend works on Wednesdays and he's off that day - so he'd know he had the day to meet the OP. Then the private detective could follow him that day.

I think the GPS thing for the Nextel is an awesome idea. I went to one of the links and was impressed. Ok, if she is unsuccessful with these other methods, you can get a GPS for a vehicle. You can get real-time tracking via website. It might take a while to detect a pattern though, until you notice he's going to the same place several times a week and its not work related.

If all else fails and it's affecting her mental state there is always the lie detector test. Basically, you tell them, you tell me nothing is going on? Then prove it. That's how I got the truth of my FWH's VLTA. But that might be a little more difficult if he is being cagey and smug.

Keep me posted! Feel free to email or PM me if you have any questions!

EDITED TO POST DISCLAIMER: These suggestions are from a BS only, I am not giving legal advice, in the event anything I suggest is ILLEGAL - I hereby withdraw that suggestion. This is strictly peer support like the board disclaimers say.

I hope you catch him... however... you will be committing a serious crime if you place a recording device inside a squad car. Trust me, find another way to accomplish this task.