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I am 33 and a high school band director. My wife is 30. We have been married for 6 years. We have two boys, ages 4 and 2. We have been through some rough times. Currently, we live in my mother-in-law's house and all four of us are crammed into one bedroom. My wife and I have no privacy, which just adds to our problem.

Over the course of six years of marriage, we have discovered that we have very different ways of communicating and showing affection. When we were dating, we were very intimate. After marriage, I supported her emotionally as best I could, but I was focused on my job, which caused me great stress and anxiety.

When our first child arrived, I was resentful of how much time and attention the baby took. We were living in a small rural town away from my wife's comfort zone, and she relied on me to be her only social outlet, a duty I couldn't possibly fulfill with the pressures on me.

Over the course of the six years of marriage, I was basically oblivious to her pain. She tried to tell me, but mostly hid her true feelings from me. She was giving and I was taking, without me really being consious of it.

Two years ago, I left my stressful job and we moved back to her home outside of Philadelphia. She hoped for a change for the better. Things did not improve, and our financial situation kept us trapped in her mother's home.

Last December, I finally woke up and realized how unhappy she was. I opened up to her in January, and since then she no longer hides how she feels. Unfortunately, she has lost all intimate feelings for me and has gone all the way to the Withdrawn state of marriage described in the basic concepts.

My personality is to talk things out. Hers is to say as little as possible. I am very affectionate, she is very guarded. Right now, she is emotionally drained, and wants distance. I'm giving it to her, but it's hard.

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If you would like to share your story and support one another through these trials of marriage, please send me a message or contact me through this forum.

Tom,
Welcome to MB website - have you read the free material
Are you familiar with MB principles ?

I hope you did find someone to chat with. I also hope you keep posting here - there are quite a few posters with
some very good advice - just doing a chat will generate "off the cuff" suggestions rather than well thought out ones.
your post may also help others in a similar situation.

IMHO: read thru lovebusters and remove them from any interaction you have with your W.

Let her know you have a plan for a better relationship.

If she really is in a "state of withdrawal" love bank deposits will likely not be received - don't get discouraged

I am also under the impression if she gets out of the withdrawal stage she will move into conflict stage - don't
let the lovebusters move in.

Good luck

H2R