Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 957
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 957 |
Maybe I'm just dense, I don't know. Could someone please expain a couple of things to me? I have read everything here and all the books numerous times, studied them until I can almost quote them, but I guess I still "just don't get it."
Transparency
Honesty and Openess
How a WS can earn back trust
How a WS can show remorse regret guilt lose entitlement care and concern for BS empathy for BS respect for the BS
Just call me stupid, but apparently I'm not getting it or seeing these things from my WW. I am lost!
Let the 2X4s fly, it may be just what I need.
"Never argue with idiots or WSs, They just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
Eagle,
You're probably not dense at all....you don't see your wife doing these things....because she isn't. You're not going crazy....you just don't have an honest, remorseful, accountable wife yet. The better question....is what do you do about that? You see lots of marriages survive infidelity but fail to recover. If all those things are not part of the recovery plan then you need to make plan. Built into that plan.....is the understanding that if she can never give you these things....you will do what she will not....protect yourself from further harm. Does that make sense?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823 |
Eagle-
What stage of the game are you at currently??? I mean are you two still living together?? Are you plan Aing???
A WS is not going to demonstrate the things you've listed above, because they still have things to "HIDE"......they won't demonstrate these things until they are ready and willing to recover.
Remind me of your sitch, please.
God Bless,
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39 WH-37 Together 15 years Married 12 years 7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16. Mine: DD22, DD15 Ours: DD12 Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,435
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,435 |
Hello Eagle15,
I don't know your full story. I just wanted to share that my XWH had big problems with Honesty etc. He basically had this feeling (all his life) that he "wasn't ok" and that people "didn't want him". Owning up to the mistakes he made, being totally honest, losing entitlement... was just too hard for him to do. He couldn't open up and show himself. He didn't feel good enough about himself to do that. It was easier for him to keep hiding his feelings. To hold on to his entitlement. That also prevent him from caring & protecting me the way he should have. Not that he didn't care.. Not that he didn't love me.. It's just that it takes a BIG person to own your mistakes. If you feel too small.. too invalid.. you're scared of doing that. And it's easy to revert to self-centered behavior.
Am I making any sense here?
|
|
|
0 members (),
459
guests, and
55
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|