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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 957
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Eagle15 Offline OP
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Joined: Oct 2005
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Maybe I'm just dense, I don't know. Could someone please expain a couple of things to me? I have read everything here and all the books numerous times, studied them until I can almost quote them, but I guess I still "just don't get it."

Transparency

Honesty and Openess

How a WS can earn back trust

How a WS can show remorse
regret
guilt
lose entitlement
care and concern for BS
empathy for BS
respect for the BS

Just call me stupid, but apparently I'm not getting it or seeing these things from my WW. I am lost!

Let the 2X4s fly, it may be just what I need.


"Never argue with idiots or WSs, They just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
Joined: Mar 2002
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Eagle,

You're probably not dense at all....you don't see your wife doing these things....because she isn't. You're not going crazy....you just don't have an honest, remorseful, accountable wife yet. The better question....is what do you do about that? You see lots of marriages survive infidelity but fail to recover. If all those things are not part of the recovery plan then you need to make plan. Built into that plan.....is the understanding that if she can never give you these things....you will do what she will not....protect yourself from further harm. Does that make sense?

Joined: Sep 2004
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Eagle-

What stage of the game are you at currently??? I mean are you two still living together?? Are you plan Aing???

A WS is not going to demonstrate the things you've listed above, because they still have things to "HIDE"......they won't demonstrate these things until they are ready and willing to recover.

Remind me of your sitch, please.

God Bless,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
Joined: Apr 2004
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Hello Eagle15,

I don't know your full story.
I just wanted to share that my XWH had big problems with Honesty etc.
He basically had this feeling (all his life) that he "wasn't ok" and that people "didn't want him".
Owning up to the mistakes he made, being totally honest, losing entitlement... was just too hard for him to do.
He couldn't open up and show himself.
He didn't feel good enough about himself to do that.
It was easier for him to keep hiding his feelings.
To hold on to his entitlement.
That also prevent him from caring & protecting me the way he should have.
Not that he didn't care..
Not that he didn't love me..
It's just that it takes a BIG person to own your mistakes.
If you feel too small..
too invalid..
you're scared of doing that.
And it's easy to revert to self-centered behavior.

Am I making any sense here?


[color:"purple"]When we lose sight of the well being of others, it is like losing sight in one eye. (the Dalai Lama)[/color]
The Neutral Zone Theory
Doing the right thing vs being a good boy/girl

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