Then why jump here and add a little snide once in while?

If you dont like it then give us peace and stay with boards that you do feel comfortable in.

We are all very aware of your dislikes for Lynn TH if you have a prob take it to another thread!!

I cannot speak for TH or Mom, but I ASKED TH to talk to GH...just like I ASKED him to speak to P on the General Board.

He has some insight to a wayward husband's mindset...and not many wh are brave enough or thickskinned enough to post.

LynnG is entitled to her opinion and feelings on this subject. Whether or not she has made the right decision in all of this is not for any of us to judge.

And vice versa regarding Mom and TH.

I dont have a prob with that, never said I did, but if you totally dislike a comment from a nother poster take it to another thread, be honest you know there will be a comeback, and the race will be on again.

It is one thing to go back and forth on a established member page, they know everyone here they know how think, what their veiws on, but keep the opionions of this site out of the newbies, they are looking for help, they are trying to find answer. The best we can do is tell our story and hear everyone story, from there they can decide.

Dont like someone elses story put your OPIONION on another thread and debate it our over there.

Good point TS, it really should be taken to another thread. A person in pain looking for guidance shouldn't have to muddle thru all the infighting over NC vs C and how some feel about the OC being titled an "embarassment".

Some women here have taken the OC into their families w/o skipping a beat and love them as if they were their own. Some do not feel strong enough, or they feel it is not their place. They didn't create the sitch, let MM and OW deal with the fall out, so to speak.

There is no one size fits all for this, unfortunately.

Greetings,

I will admit, the temptation to respond was OVERWHELMING :-)
I understand where MOM is on this issue, just felt she needed to know that there are those who agree with her!!!!!

As to weather that needed to happen on GH thread, I can buy some of TS agrument.

BTW MOMto3Boys, My boys love thier little sister too!

You all have a good day now!

TH

family I know you, you are a great person and without realizing it your posts have helped me so much.


I know you did not mean nothing by this.....because it is how some women feel, but can I also add that sometime NC is decided not because of they are not strong enough. Some do decide that is in the best interest of the child. I seem some posts where the child is being used as a pawn, being torn between two families. Best intention is what they are trying to do, to give the child both parents. But sometimes the best intentions ae putting that child in the middle of a battlefield. My heart goes out to the fathers trying their best to be there for them and goes out to the child for being stuck in the middle. Some people choose not to have NC to give that child a peaceful growing up. Some feel it is better to let the child grow up hopefully in a peace without being handed back and forth and torn in between two that love child. You have seen the stories you know they are there. And sometime when read them post it reminds of a story I learned in bible school about two mothers fighting over a child and it was decided to split the child, and they knew who the real mother was because out of love she let the child go instead of splitting it. Kind of understand what I am trying to say?

I have 2 wonderful friends I email, one is OC and the other is from divorced. they both express that they would of perfered that they was in just one family and grow up with the just love and stability of one parent instead of the constant games in between their parents. My heart goes out to them and the frustration they grew up in.

But then again I have another that never met her dad, she was born out of wedlock, has all these dreams abuut him and wonders. My heart goes out to her, with the constant wonder I met my bio, I am glad that I was a adult when I did cause then I was mature enough to realize that I am glad he was not in my life.

there is so much in decsion and so many different reason why and so many different outcomes. It is hard to know what you decide is right you just got to hope for the best in whatever you decide.

I can go on forever about if this and if that, yes it would be nice we lived in a perfect world. But we dont and we just got to be there and support each other no matter what the decsion is and hope for the best. And if we lived in a perfect world, then we wouldnt be these sites.

I'm sorry TS, I didn't really try to go into all the possible scenarios. I know that the reasons range from A-Z. Too many to list, as I also have work I should be doing... LOL

I respect the fact you felt it needed to be taken to another thread. I agree that the infighting on a thread where someone new is trying to get help is detrimental.

I know LynnG is hated by many an OW with OC because of her stance. She is the type most would hate to tangle with, IMO. She has a backbone and she is armed with knowledge, that she is not afraid to use, and she is willing to share with BW's new to the ride they find themselves on.

Anyway, I didn't mean to say BW's aren't strong enough. Many of them have strength that the OW can't possibly comprehend.

No sorries needed hun, I know exactly what you was saying just explaining why I was adding more to why. You have a great heart and a poster I respect alot.

I have alot of respect for Lynn, for the reason you have listed. Ok maybe her statements are little harsh, maybe I dont feel the same way as her on that, but I respect her for standing up in her belief.

but this is the feeling I get from her, and I think this feeling is true, that no matter what i decided on what path to take she would be a strength for me eiher way. As long as I am fighting for what I want best in my marriage. I do have a feeling that if I really wanted contact and OW was doing everything in her power to stop it, I do think she will be there to give her strength and knowledge to make that happen.

Thundrstrm, I dont know who you are from Adam, I dont know your story and you dont know mine...

I wasn't even commenting to YOU or even ABOUT you...so I am not sure why all the defensiveness on your part...

I was making a comment to somethng **I** found very insulting....not only to an OC but to any child out there!



THIS has NOTHING to do with contact or NC saving your marriage or not saving it...this is a downright insult to another baby, child and human being...

any one of us can come back and say

"I will not allow Uncle John in our home because he is embarrassing and I will not allow my children around him" substitue uncle John for your own mother or father or aunt or whoever..

LynG has a right to her OWN personal opinion just as I do...

I feel it is UNfortunate for ANY parent to make the decision based on so much anger and bitterness to keep their own children from meeting their own sister/brother...their own blood...

Once you can get past the pain and start to heal YOURSELF, then maybe some can see that the poor INNOCENT OC is just that...a child...and **IT** deserves just as much love and respect as YOUR children do...

MY kids LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their SISTER...it is not their OC..it is their SISTER...

a child that THEIR father produced..

until you can get passed our own hurt and anger and realize that the OW and OC are not the problem, then mybe you can see the OC as a human being and not some embarrasing whatever...

have a great day now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

PS, TH I am glad you and your W are doing so well...keep up the good work!

Exactly, Lynn is for NC in her situation, I haven't seen her rail on anyone for wanting C. She is supportive either way. Sometimes her comments are harsh, but I've seen plenty of harsh comments and actions on many an OW's part. She's just honest with her feelings, which she is entitled to. Her H was given the choice to stay or go and he stayed. Just like OW like to say BW stayed so now she has to deal with "it". (Meaning the OW/OC sitch.) The same goes for the BH. He chose to stay, now he has to deal with it.

Why do you take it as such a personal affront that LynnG feels that way? She is being honest. I am betting many (not all) BW's feel the way she does, they just don't verbalize it for fear of being called callous.

Do you think a BW is proud to tell people her H fathered a child with another woman???? It is embarassing. Just because the OW doesn't want it to be embarassing, doesn't magically make it so.

You got a lot of support here when your H was treating you terribly. I saw you on TV even. Now that you are further down the road in your healing, you expect everyone to be where you are?

I dont..and that is not even the point...are you not reading? it is how they represent themselves and the OC or even the COM in public...it is disprespectful for anyone to talk about any other HUMAN being that way...

yup and so am I..only I am defending an OC, but you dont want to hear anything about that horrible OC or OW..

oh you are very wrong in that...many do verbalize it...and many people do hate the OW and the OC..what they dont realize is it is not the OC that did this to them...it is their own H...and the OC is being punished...

guess he should have thought aout it before stepping outside the marriage, huh?


why would an OW be embarrassed about her own child? why are we talkng about the OW now? this was about somethig said about the OC not the OW...but you ahve managed to throw that one in there..

actually I got support when my H was CHEATING on me...when I needed support the MOST and when my H was treating me terribly is when people here turned on me...for one reason or another...

OK, and????


ummmm, did I say that? NO, Dont think I did...I am as far along in my healing because I refuse to live inanger and bitterness every day...YOU choose to be unhappy or happy..YOU choose to be angry about this or move on...NO ONE else does...

**I** have chosen to let it go...what has happened, happened...I cannot change the past...

when YOU can get to a poit in YOUR OWN healing that you can deal with the current situation and stop putting blame on the wrong people...

WHO CARES...

you cannot change the past...what you can do is live IN the present and for the future...you can either make the best of it or make it miserable....but it is YOUR choice

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING?


RIGHT ON SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could not have said it better myself.

TH

I am very saddenned in the way we (WOMEN) treat each other.

We live in a society where NO one is accountable.
Instead of being sisters to each other, it boils down to who "THINKS" they are right.

IMO Momto3boys is hurt. I read her posts and I could feel her seething through the post. She is also divorced. She is VERY upset with her husband. She hasn't moved on (even though that is what she "thinks" she has done).

She has a lot of anger towards her husband.

I hope that maybe in 6 months or a year from now, she can look at her posts and will know she was at a different place in her life.

Also, I've noticed some of the OWS that post have alot of anger. They only see things one-sided (they are the victim) and that mm took advantage of them.

Just my personal opinion but sometimes I think the OWS are mad at themselves for their part but don't want to admit it.
It shows "THEIR" weakness.

We all want to appear "strong."


Most times, I just read the posts. You can pretty much tell who has moved on and who has resentment and with whom they have the resentment.

Some are mad at their husbands, some bws hate the OWS, some OW's HATE the husband, because they thought this mm was the "ONE." Nobody wants to be thrown aside. Some wives resent the OC, because this is a piece of their husband out there.

Now I do not hate the OW. I did at one time. But after finding out as much about her as I could, I could only feel pity. I forgave her for ME, so that I could move on.

As for the OC, I think about him and hope and pray he has a good life. No we do not have contact.

No I am not embarrassed. The only people that SHOULD be embarrassed are the husband and the OW. They are the ones that had the affair.

And YES the OW should be embarrassed that in the 21st century she got pregnant by a mm. Unless, it was something that she planned and wanted.

Accidents shouldn't happen anymore.


And YES my husband IS embarrassed that he got the OW pregnant.

Yes, the child is a human being.

Yes, my husband was stupid and didn't care NOR think about the consequences and for that he has to pay for the rest of his life.

The OW had a choice also. She didn't make him wear a condom which means that she ALSO didn't care or maybe wanted another child. When she informed my husband, he told her no, he didn't want any more children.

That's why I feel sorry for her. She has 2 children and neither has a father. She has a child that only she has held, who she wakes up to when he cries.
But that is HER spiritual price for her sin is to raise her child alone.

Now that being the case, do you wish you push the OC onto his father? Some men just want a screw and don't care yes like my husband.

If the man dumped you and NEVER looked back, would you really want your child around him?
I wouldn't.

I don't think I will be posting anytime too soon.

I'm so disappointed in WOMEN.

We were always the ones with morals.......

If you can't be honest with yourself than who can you be honest with.

I don't want contact with the OC because I don't want contact with the OW.

No, I'm not threatened by her.
But she has obsessive behavior and loves to stalk.
If we were to let the OC into our lives, then we also get her. No thanks.

I mean who gets a revelation after screwing someone for 6 months telling him you're pregnant, being dumped, going through the entire pregnancy by yourself, following other members of the family to "show" off your child, still no reaction from the father and then you write a letter and say "you only wanted sex."

YOU THINK?

To the OWS, I say, please, please, if you have NOT gotten pregnant by a mm, please don't.

I am the product of an affair.
All my life, no pictures of my dad, no nothing. I have no info about him.

This is not the life I would have chosen for myself.
I as the OC am embarrassed that I am the product of an affair.

I did not find out until I was an adult. Thank God.
I can't imagine how it would have affected me as a child.
I am GLAD that my mother did NOT tell me. Who wants to be traumatized. Growing up is hard enough.
I doubt that I would have told anyone.

My mother was an OW TWICE. My brother is also the result of an affair.

When I first found out, all I felt was disgust for my mother. I have forgiven her.

I have to give her credit, she made her mistakes and lived with them. She didn't go after the married men.
Neither father had contact.

I personally know someone ......an X friend.
I talked to her about my sith. She sat there listening and saying how "smart" the OW was.

About knocked me off my feet UNTIL she admitted to dating
FOUR married men and stated "well, I wasn't the one married, it's all on the men."

Thank God, she never had any kids..well one(had an abortion).

This woman has had a hard life. She has "lived" with a man for 25 years (she took him from his wife). He has never married her.

I remember her crying to me one day that God didn't listen to her......after hearing about the 4 mm and that she is in the group that believes it's all on the mm, I KNOW why she lives the life she does.

God really doesn't hear her as long as she doesn't realize HER sin. I no longer talk to her.

I say to ALL of the angry men and women.

FORGIVE those who have hurt you.

When you forgive you begin to LIVE.

Now I go out to live.

I hope and pray that each of us learns that we are ALL accountable for our OWN sins because we have FREE WILL.

Leave the punishment to God or if you don't believe in God, to karma.....reap what you sow...whatever.

God bless....wishing only the very best to EVERYONE!!!

Here is my take on it....I don't personally know what Lynn was saying...I can tell you all that I personally was EMBARRASED...by what my H did. The stitch was embarrasing as ******. The less people that I told, the better I felt. This is not a topic that I wanted spread all over town...infact, we didn't even tell my family. True enough my H put us in this embarrasing predicament, but that doesn't make it any less pitiful. Now when reading what Lynn wrote...I didn't get the impression that she was talking about the physical child (I could be wrong), I felt like she was talking about the stitch...and I don't care whether you are an OW, a BS, or MM...the stitch is embarassing, and if your not embarrassed, that's frightful. I'm not saying that you can't get over it and welcome the child in the family and love them...but let's be real here...I doubt any of us, with C or NC, would have this published on a billboard...

HUH? are you kidding me? you obviously dont know me or know anything about me...just because I am divorced doesn't mean I am angry... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

No sweetie, I am quite the opposite, I am very happy...my divorce was the best thing I could do for me and my children...

oh and btw, why is it that MY DIVORCE has now been brought into the issue?

we've gone from calling an OC embarrassing, to the OW and now my DIVORCE?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Oh and btw...this has really put a nice smile on my face tonight...this has me in stitches...thanks!

have a great evening! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

crazyhurt said:
You are wrong ch.

This is what she said:

But **** is *****. Personally, I'm so used to it by now because she's been saying stuff akin to that since she arrived. I don't like it, but she is what she is. I'm actually more shocked when she *doesn't* say something shocking and demeaning about an OC.