mickey -- yeah we've talked about the unmet needs I had (have). The conversation thing is a huge hurdle in my mind that cannot be jumped (because of the cultural gap). The recreational companionship... well that was one chapter in His Needs Her Needs that I just did not like. In it, Harley basically says "Hey guys, if your wife doesn't like your interests, just forget about them and find something else that you can both enjoy." I understand about finding other interests that we can both enjoy, but the ones I've always liked are basically a part of me. How am I supposed to give them up?!?<P>mickey, about your hubby's unmet needs... ya know, one need that many men have is physical attractiveness. He himself said she was "cute and young". I think that qualifies. Not that you aren't attractive or anything... Also, the admiration thing has to play in there too. It's a huge ego boost to have a pretty young thing tell you how great you are. So basically he told you what emotional needs she was meeting, even if he didn't realize it.<P>hum -- hey, don't look up to me too much. I played exactly the same games as your OM did. Exactly. It was because I was weak, and I thought I couldn't live without OW in my life. I still wish I could be her friend, which is stupid, cuz she wouldn't even give me the time of day now.<P>--andy

Airheart,<P>Sounds to me like you are depressed. I read somewhere that depression leads to affairs more often than affairs lead to depression. Could it be that you were depressed, so had an affair, now feel even more depressed and are somehow holding your marriage responsible for this? Just a thought. Are you on antidepressants?<P>EllenA

Andy: Now that you have explained yourself, I understand your situation a little better.. I see that you felt some of your needs not being met and why that made you more attracted to ow? I can see how this happens... (Not that its right)...<P>In regard to my H... Cant do anything about the young issue... ow is 23ish my H is 35 and I am 34.., but we are both young looking... As far as the physical attraction... I dont know,,, I have been told I look a lot like ow.. we are both small, athletic looking etc.. Not a real big difference or overwhelming difference in looks.. Several of the people I know that know her have told me they thought I was better looking... But hey,, those are my freinds... I do think it was very much a flattery thing.. Since she was young and cute (and a new police recruit)..she looked up to my H a lot for help when she started her job.. I am sure that made him feel pretty good... I have talked with my H about this.. asked him if he felt needed by me, loved, adored.. And his answer was always yes he felt very loved and appreciated... He has always said it was his problem... but I tend to disagree.. I know that if I ever considered having an affair,,, it would be totally for my unmet emotional needs... If my H was meeting all my needs there would be no reason for me to look elseware... Things still seem to be going pretty well with him Andy.. I am trying to get some joint counseling in order so we can now begin marital recovery since the withdrawal seems to be fading... <P>As far as your situation...Thats a difficult one, especially with your cultural differences... Is there anything you can do about the recreational companionship?