Well, I tried to save my marriage by going home and starting a Plan A. My WW was furious that I cam home. She want me out in the worst way. So, she starts flaunting the affair to me, talking to him on phone in front of me. Telling me I am stupid for staying when she does not want me.

I continue to do my best Plan A. We have some good days and some bad. I expose to her coworkers and she goes nutty. One day I was talking to her and tied to kiss her, she pushed me away and says I don't want you. I give her a letter the next day about respecting her boundary of no affection if she will respect mine of no talking to him in front of me and kids.

Next day she takes a call from him while we are all cooking dinner. She laughs at what he says and tells him he is A Little Sh*t". So they are having fun at my personal boundary expense. As she comes back in the house I go to grab phone and tell off the OM. She hangs up and we both start yelling at each other. I called her plenty of names and LB'ed alot.

Next days she goes out of town to mothers and a Sheriff shows up at my home with a restraining order. I have to leave my home until court on Aug 31. My lawyer says they usually uphold the order in court even though she lies on most of it.

So, I am now in a forced plan B, out of my home, I can not contact her and if it holds up it lasts for a year. I am sure the D papers are soon to follow. It would seem that the saving the marriage is at the end for me. I still love her and want to work this out but it is impossible if I can not see or talk to her for a year.

I am at a loss of what to do now other than get my lawyer to work.

Consider trying to file for divorce first. Avoid any process servers and serve her first. There is some value in putting her on the defensive by naming OM in the filing and going for FULL custody of the children.

Vigorously fight the restraining order and your right to be in your own home. Even if you lose putting up a good fight will have value eventually. Everything you do from now on should be tainted towards what's in the best interests of the children. You need to be home to "protect" your children from her immoral behavior and sickness.

In the alternative, maybe you can file a petition for a temporary custody order requesting full custody due to your WW's unfittness and current destructive actions and unsound mind.

Hire the biggest pitbull of an attorney you can and fight. The time for kid gloves is over. Of course, you stay nice and calm. Don't yell or LB again lest it be used against you in court. The harder you fight this the less likely you will end up an every other weekend father.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

It is not a Plan B

Plan B is when YOU decide you cannot have contact with your wife ...

what you are in is Plan C .... for consequences of not controlling yourself ... and your WW used this slip of yours to her advantage...

if it's NOT Plan B .... which it is not

don't call it plan B ... you have suffered a set back...

take this time to speak to a family law attorney ... prepare for war with her ... without indicating to her you are preparing for war

Pep

oops

Dr W beat me to it .... follow his sage advice

Pep

Thanks for the advice MR W and Pep.

The sad thing is that I am still hoping it could work out. Maybe I am in denial still but I know deep down she still cares for me. She definately has an alien in her and she is very addicted to this A. She has turned into this cold hearted person that supprises me at every wicked thing she does.

I just want to give up, but the pain would still be there. I will talk with my attorney on the temporary custody order and on filing for D first. How can I do this when I do not want the Divorce?

We're not talking about giving up ... we are talking about making sure you do not lose your kids!

Merely fighting for the kids and instilling the fear that she may lose some, all or a lot of custody and be fully exposed in open court is enough to get them thinking. Losing the children is a magnet attracting her back to the marriage and a huge dose of consequences for her adulterous immoral behavior.

I think back to DazedandConfusedKS situation. His wife filed divorce papers and he responded and requested full custody. Just before the temporary custody hearing she dropped the whole divorce and came home from her apartment. Regretfully, the affair continued however, several months later the affair finally ended and they are currently in recovery. Fighting fully in court expedites the natural destruction of the affair. Typically affair relations undisturbed last about 2 years...you'll end it quicker if you put up the biggest fight you can.

It AIN'T over until YOU give up. As long as one spouse continues the good fight then your marriage remains savable.

Remember to hide behind your attorney at all times. He/she is the one being tough you are only interested in discussing ending all proceedings and reconciling the marriage. Your attorney was only directed to fight for your legal rights to the fullest extent of the law. You keep plan A'ing. NO MORE LB's no matter what she says or does.

Mr. Wondering

Mr W,

I have read many of your posts and you always seem so correct in your advice. I appreciate your input. I will not give up but it is really draining me. I still love my wife so it seems strange to file for D. I do understand the thought process though. I regret my explosion and LBing last week. It ruined all my efforts thus far and really excellerated the entire D process and strengthend the A.

Maybe you have brought to my attention a way of slowing this thing back down. I want to talk with her so badly. I just hope I can get past this restraining order. I did not touch her, it was only yelling and she did the same. If I can get past this and back to my home and kids, then I will feel much better about it. I will not LB or lose it again.

not necessarily my man!

sometimes the WW thinks Plan A means you don't care that much ... believe it or not

your explosion might speak to her (foggy) brain of just how much you DO care

so a single explosion does NOT ruin all your previous fine work at Plan A

all is NOT lost

... keep your chin up!

Pep

Thanks Pep,

You know, strangely enough when I was at the house I got mad one day but contained it. She wanted to know why I never get mad at all of this A stuff. She said any sane person would have gotten mad and left her. I told her it seemed as if she wanted me to get mad and yell. She said she would complain less about my anger than she would about me being all nice.

Of course I now know that it was a set up, but I think there is some merit to your statements.

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I told her that I too have always seen myself as a person that would get mad and leave but instead I found myself very much in love with her and I wanted to work it out for our family.

She told me there was no working it out, that we are done.

Apparently she meant it.

In court you are going to have to downplay your yelling and play up that she was yelling at you because you weren't getting mad enough about her affair. She was baiting you into an argument and she kept getting madder and madder that you would not oblige her. Then she ran off crying and calling people acting like I was the one abusing and yelling at her. Indicate that NOW you realize it was all a set up to try to get you out of the house.

You maintain that you are sticking to a calm and rational professional developed plan to save your marriage and family. That if any one should be "required" to leave the marital home it is her not you as she is the unstable one. Hopefully then your attorney can antagonize her on the stand and demonstrate such. If your attorney quickly files a reciprocal "restraining order petition" asking the court to kick HER out and can consolidate the hearings just maybe the judge can make a determination of who should stay.

Mr. Wondering