warning-continuing thread jack-sorry JP!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

You know, my H and I met before my divorce was final. I had already filed, and was just waiting out the "legal waiting period" for the divorce to be final. I would never describe our dating during this time as an affair.

Now, if we were "temporarily" separated, with the understanding that we were going to try and work thinkgs out and possibly get back together- I would call that an affair.

Dating while waiting for the courts to finalize your divorce is not adultery-come on! BUT---I do not think you should date until it is understood by both partners that it is OVER and the divorce is filed.

I think this thread is taking kind of a weird turn.

JustPeachy is in pain, and has been in pain for some time. We should be addressing that.

It appears she made a mistake years ago; I don't see the point in castigating her for it. She's in pain NOW.

Many of us made mistakes, and helped bring about the situations we find ourselves in. We have to deal with them now. Pointing out that where we are is a logical consequence of decisions we made way back then has it's place -- but after that it just becomes finger-pointing and blame.

BackAgain, I don't know what kind of place you thought this was, but I'd stick around. We've all been through a lot of stuff. The Harleys have the principles, but applying them is not always easy.

I'm sorry you feel that way, back_again.
And I don't really understand it.
This is life - this is what happens to people - how they feel, how they learn from their mistakes and grow.
It's not "safe theory".
There is plenty to learn here.
Not that you need to agree with everything or everyone..
You couldn't possibly do that, as there will always be conflicting opinions here, just like in real life..

But the enormous learning opportunity here is that people will speak their minds like they would rarely do in "real life".

Be well - whether you choose to stick around or not.

A.M.Martin, be sure to look me up when you're in Belgium.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And JustPeachy, I'll keep you to that promise..
About the real cuppa !

I ADORE Belgium! What city are you in?

Halfway between Antwerp and Brussels !
Hey feel free to e-mail me (U2, JustPeachy) if you want to chat about other stuff...

sorry but this is just OUT OF HAND>....

if you are here.....HERE at MARRIAGE BUILDERS.....

and don't believe that people can change...

that people can change for the better...

that people in their early twenties can have totally different views and yes even VALUES when young....and go through life...

experience
grow
and
GAIN EMPATHY and COMPASSION>....

then I can't imagine a thing to say to you....

this whole site...
and
the only reason why I am here..
is because I believe through witnessing and personal experience that people can do change....

THANK THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!
that I ARK am NOT not not not the same snot noesed little entitled twit I was when twenty....

and that I have CHANGED

to see life through MUCH less self centered glasses....

so if I can change...which I have done...
then I believe justpeachy justapple and justfig and anyone and everyone else that is HERE

holds in them great power and potential to change...

and I for one will only celebrate, pray to emmulate, and HONOR those that do change and grow....

AND I for one will not take part in picking apart someones years ago choices...and hold them accountable today and USE their hard won and earned changes of compassion and empathy against them....

like a knife.....

and talk to them about who they USED to be.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHEN that is clearly who they are NOT today....

you got a be kidding me...

if we follow the train of thought some want to go down..
then

close the site down..

cause basically we are saying people can't change....

and therefor this site IS meaningless....

ARK^^

there melody lane...

I think I have flipped my flat-haired wig....

ARK

Wow, you people are something else. It is not that I don't think people can and do change. That is exactly what I believe. It is the way everyone selectively choses to apply that belief. I guess the treatment of a certain new comer is still too fresh in my mind. I guess it is because that sentiment was NOT expressed in her situation when she came here. That is why I feel I have nothing to gain here. Way too hypocritical.
I personally have nothing against peachy or how her marriage came about, nor do I have any opinion about the new comer and how her marriage came about, it is the hypocracy that I can do without.

back_again..
if there is nothing here for you
if you can find no compassionate posts anywhere
nothing you can learn from
then go on your own way.
And pray there will never be any conflicting thoughts in your head, and you'll never catch yourself saying one thing and acting in a different way.

BA,

Well, I'm game -- even at the expense of a threadjack. If I'm being hypocritical, BA, I'd like to know it. Sincerely.

(Are you sure, however, that when you are accusing "us" of hypocrisy you aren't actually citing specific individuals? After all, "us" is thousands of members with a very wide range of opinions.)

email addy deleted...

AM,

Far too many people posted on that new comer's thread for me to even try naming names without going through the whole thing. Suffice it to say that anyone who has come to peachy's defense with the argument that people make mistakes but they can and do change and saw what was happening to the new comer on her thread but did not come to her defense with the same argument, I do consider that to be hypocritical. By the same token, those who posted on the new comer's thread, the one's who see everything black and white and no grey, the one's who felt she had no right here on MB (and I believe peachy was one of them) but have never expressed the same about peachy's situation, I feel that to be hypocritical too. I can't and won't name names but I think that covers an awful lot of people.

I truely apologize to anyone who doesn't fit the above mentioned scenarios. I really am leaving the board now because I don't want to start a war (I hate board wars). It is just my opinion but it is affecting me too personally to stay.

I understand. I don't know which thread you're talking about, but I've seen it happen and I agree.

Frankly, BA, I don't always have the courage to come down on some of this stuff, and also because of my own vulnerabilities. My own behavior, onboard and off, hasn't always been up to snuff; perhaps I shouldn't let that silence me. But in this case (JP's response to KB), I felt it would be wrong not to say something.

Wish I had that feeling more often.

JP...

I have a t-shirt that says "Georgia...Reach for the Peach"...So that is what I am doing now...C'mere and let me give you a cyberhug...(((((Peachy)))))...

Just seems like maybe you could use one right about now...I hope that you are feeling better...

Take Care of You! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. "Dubya"

Thanks mrs. Dubya...love ya too...and brownhair...and any here for being kind..

what is outta control is this...when I met him...1)there was NO woman in miles of him..like FOUR STATES AWAY...and had NOT been for some long time and 2)HE told me he was divorced. His own FAMILY believed it to be true as well. I only found out he was not finalized when I went out at his condo to get the mail TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER...incidentally...have since found out from his former best friend...that several states away, she thought (his xw) they were actually already divorced! I never met her. Never knew her. She was waaay gone when I'd met him...now here's what is sad...I found out why SHE left him...it was because HE cheated on her. I only found that out from his former best friend after I LEFT HIM because he did what he did.

I have never broken anybody in my life up. Not even during my single days...high school or college. I don't do that. It is NOT my modus operandii...and trust me...I only see available men..always did...and if single, always will...should I feel like dating. I don't have a problem attracting single guys...and don't particularly find any married man as a valid option..unlike some of the people here..and some lurkers I know are from that Other board.

I personally feel some people here don't get it. We, the BS have been victimized on so many different levels by WS...and me? I was victimized by my xh and the other WOMEN..yea plural. I was a good and faithful wife. All my married girlfriends EXPLICITLY trust me with their husbands and nobody EVER looks behind their back when I am around. It is ludicrous to even acknowledge some of the fodder that I have seen here WHEN SOME OF YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO FACTS WHATSOEVER. I was always reluctant to give pinpoint details as this is to be an ANONYMOUS BOARD and I am afraid that some of these details could give away my identity...

But some of you..just keep on being the way you are...that's fine...

I made NO MISTAKE...let that be known. except for giving my heart to the wrong guy. I did NOT hurt any woman. I would NEVER HURT ANYBODY...as I strive to treat people AS THEY DESERVE TO BE TREATED...and yea, you can take that anyway you wish to...for I treat those kindly who deserve kindness...and those who are malicious to my son or to myself or to my family? They get what they get.

I am not really in any pain...except for my darn throat. Sometimes I deal with situational stress and that is expected given my specific situation. Those I converse with frequently know that there are some issues in that sitch that are going to have to happen...as it is nearly impossible to NOT have any contact with my x. And the whole sitch is actually much more complicated than anybody here even knows...only those off board know it.

I am going out of town and I don't care if you begin some stupid board issue or not. I will not be worrying about it as I will be on the beach with my ds and my best girlfriend and her son...and her H is in fact also one of my best friends too! again...my friends know all about it and TRUST ME COMPLETELY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't care to discuss this anymore because I have stated MY case. And my case is what I know to be 100 percent fact...and anybody ELSE HERE WHO MAKES UNTRUTHFUL HYPOTHESIS ABOUT ME WITHOUT EVER KNOWING ME OR GETTING THE FACTS...IS A LIAR. And to anybody who thinks I am not good for this board? THE PEACH SAYS BITE ME!

But I do believe some people can change. Hopefully many WS who venture here will...and if any OP lurk here, maybe they will end their harmful affairs and assaults on families. See the light. And yes, I do feel anger and little empathy to those who KNOWINGLY UNDERMINE THE FAMILY....THOSE WHO KNOWINGLY RIP CHLDREN IN TWO HELPING BRING ABOUT A DIVORCE...THOSE WHO KNOWINGLY STEAL FROM A FAMILY A MOTHER OR FATHER...BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD...OR BECAUSE THEY COVET. OR THOSE WHO HAVE NO BOUNDARIES WHO DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN'S H OR ANOTHER MAN'S W. That makes me sick. And that is somebody I never was...nor will ever become.

In the end, all I want is to empower the BS..give them reasons to not worry as much and to use their brains rather than use their raw emotions to accomplish healing. Thinking thru the dynamics more clearly. See the mechanisms at work. See that they DO HAVE POWER! the BS have tons of it and they need to learn how to use it...kinda like a jedi and a light sabre.

And to my friends? Tomorrow at sunset I will toast you guys and gals with a margarita at sunset overlooking the blue sea.

Peachy...

FWIW, if something starts and I'm around I'll stand in your corner...I didn't know that particular part of your story, but when it was brought up here something just told me that it did not go down as it was being portrayed...Your genuineness is obvious to me in your posts...You know what you know...So go and have a wonderful time on your vacation!!! Have a Strawberry 'Rita or three for me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. Dubya

justpeachy,

"Are you sure this Warner guy is, like, the one? Definitely. I love him. Well, if a girl like you can't hold on to her manthen there sure as h*ll isn't any hope for the rest of us.What are you waiting for? Steal the bast*rd back!!Legally Blonde (my fav movie)

Interesting sig line. Are you inferring that it is your motive to steal your XH back?

I am now going to make every attempt to dress cutely and look incredible just to freak her out...and in the event she's there? I will smile and be calm...and stay to myself as I always do...and just know that my presence is enough to STEAL HER SECURITY JUST AS SHE STOLE MINE!

If your XH's wife has such an affect on you as to cause you to alter your normal behavior or the way you dress...who really has the power?

Your original post is very transparent. It seems as though XH's wife has a pretty good handle on both XH and you. She cannot steal your security. You can surrender it though.

Just for you honey...no more pop psychology! I changed that siggie line b/c I was making a point to the BS that they can do whatever they want! Sure can. And to empower them.

I also dress nicely wherever I go...each day btw...

My motives? Heck girl...i almost used the line about Paulette's xh's cajones after getting custody of her bulldog rufus back...so go figure that one out.

I assume now that if I post yet another favorite quote from that movie...people will assume something...so just remember...

I will NOT be here...I am packing my bag...MY BIKINI..yea I said it...and my ds's superman swim trunks...and myself, my best girlfriend and our precious kids are having four days at the beach...I could give a rat's [censored] what anybody thinks of me..but darn it! Please leave the stupid pop psychology out of it...

I am sure there will be analysis of this one...but hey! Maybe people will think I am shopping obsessed or smething after my other favorite line...

Or how about this one?

"I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest... for Lambda Kappa Pi.Trust me, I can handle anything."

confession: I DID JUDGE the 1999 greek god competition at college where the freshman pledges wore togas and not much more! and I CAN handle anything!

or this one? where the manicurist gets her dog back(cute bulldog) from her WS?

"Due to the fact that you've retained this residence... Miss Bonifante is entitled...to full canine property ownership...and will be enforcing said ownership right now. Tell him, Paulette. I'm taking the dog, dumbarse! That's awesome! We did it!Oh, my gosh, did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.Which must be a nice vacation for his [email]b@lls."[/email]

And in closing...maybe I should have just used this one...so people would really get confused...but this is actually my VERY VERY FAVORITE quote from the movie...and it's at the end...

"It is with passion, courage of conviction... and strong sense of self...that we take our next steps into the world...remembering that first impressions...are not always correct(ANYBODY GET THAT HERE>?)...you must always have faith in people... and most importantly... must always have faith in yourself."

thanks again Mrs. W. I am shooting ya an email. Hold down da fort while I toast you guys tomorrow at sunset!

i am sure these little quotes from a stunningly funny movie will keep some busy for months around here!